I'm a normal Conservative but I legit have no idea what these clowns want.
Maybe stop treating them as 'clowns', just because the aren't Reaganite relic's like you, and you'd actually understand the modern GOP's non-geriatric base better.
They're anti-capitalism but anti-Marx,
Incorrect, they are anti-corpo abuses and double standard in workplace politics, anti-off-shoring, and pro-protecting vital industries because of security concerns.
One can be anti-Marx while also being against the Friedman's delusions of a 'free market', and recognize that some areas of society shouldn't be profit driven in pure 'line-go-up' fashion (strategic defense industries for example, like shipyards, cannot be easily quantified under Friedman's ideas).
These people want 'fair market', not 'free market', and that is a difference between the two that the GOP understood in the days of Teddy Roosevelt, before Friedman's poison set in.
anti-liberalism but pro-weed,
Plenty of conservatives I know who smoke weed when they are in legal states, so it really isn't a partisan issue outside conservative prudes who still believe the reefer madness propaganda.
Unfortunately the GOP powers in DC are often among said 'reefer madness' believers.
Also, a number of people who are called 'conservatives' here, or are assumed to be, are actually classical liberals who've simply left the madness of the Dems,
anti-Israel but also anti-Ukraine,
No, this is just a very, very stupid but vocal minority who hold either of those positions because they've either been psy-opped to hell and back, or are closet anti-semites, and with the House Vote to remove Speaker Johnson failing yesterday, the MTG faction has lost all it's effective leverage.
antisemitic but also anti-Palestine,
The part of the GOP, the very small part of it, that actually thinks this way are just the racist leftovers that would have once fought for the Confederacy and family probably were Dems till the Civil Right's Act passed.
and anti-women but also anti-Islamic.
You mean not male feminists, and willing to treat women the same way they treat men.
Many women these days forgot the golden rule applies to them as well, treat men like shit for having a penis, act like being abusive towards men is supposed to be something society is supposed to approve of, and think that they can have everything they want out of life and that anything that gets in the way of that delusion is 'patriarchal oppression'.
While at the same time said women often also try to whiteknight for jihadi's who would rape them the second they got them alone if the women were back in their Islamic home nations.
Modern feminists and jihadi's deserve each other, and we laugh when the conflicting parts of the Left's 'progressive' base go at each other.
Their position just seems to be hardline spite against whatever position progressives are sympathetic for.
Some of them are just contrarians who are easily lead around by the nose of 'do whatever the opposite of what the Dems supposedly want, without much critical thinking', this is true.
However, many in the current non-geriatric GOP have a desire for things that are more Rooseveltian (trust busting, infrastructure repairs/updating, protecting vital domestic industries, protecting workers from corpo abuses), and less Reaganite (Friedman worship made into policy, that Bush Sr. was correct in calling 'voodoo economics'), and that might be what is confusing you.
One of their founding stories is baby-murder and using blood to save themselves from this murder.
Blood cult. If your religion sounds like something a Khorne berserker would come up with, its a blood cult.
...you cannot be serious?
This is the quality of Staff we are going to have on this site?
As well, said story was likely an embellished tale of CO2 gas eruptions from some volcano's in Africa, that mixed with Egyptian sleeping traditions (eldest child slept closest to the floor, so 'first borns' would be the ones mostly suffocated by the CO2 releases that traveled along the ground), so you cannot even blame the Jews for that, even if they think it was divine intervention.
Most of Exodus is embelleshed/telephoned in retelling of a series of natural disasters caused by volcanic activity in the Med and Africa messing with the climate.