The great and mighty tool

This is the egregiously-lengthy story of myself:
your glorious and eternal Overlord: The great and mighty tool; Lord of scrubbery, Sovereign of baseless conjecture, King of pseudo-intellectual bloviation, and eternal Liege of the pretentious.

Long have my unfinished novelettes and aggressively-nonsensical pseudo-philosophical rantings lain dormant within the sacred archives of the revered 'my documents' file. No longer, I say!

For one, fateful day; when the planets have aligned, when the stars have faded, and when China has reformed into a representative-Republic, my finished stories shall be unleashed upon an unsuspecting internet, and all shall tremble before their haphazardly-scribbled and poorly-grammaticized dread-glory!
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