Understanding Does Not Presage Peace (Naruto, Insert)
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Chapter 10: The Ends of Holonomic Cognition
Karmic Acumen
Well-known member
A/N: The plot always knows where you live.
Chapter 10: The Ends of Holonomic Cognition
“-. July 23, 6 ANB .-“
The Littlest Great War of 743 AS began with a border incident along the hastily drawn line between the Sovereignty of Pond and the Great Myrtle Nindocracy. Its first engagement was the Rubber Kunai Strike of 15:15. It was followed by the Gum Shuriken Counterstrike of 15:20. A fallow period ensued during which the two sides conducted raids on each other’s food stores while preparing new strategies. The renewal of hostilities looked like it might be averted at 15:45, only for peace talks to break down in the face of the Perfidy of Perfidiousness, putting the advantage firmly in the hands of the Sovereignty.
“I can’t believe this, attacking under a flag of truce? By Hinata! Hinata. How could you, Hinata!? You’ll pay for this, Naruto, Shino did nothing wrong!” “Arf!”
“Alright, everyone! We got their sand fort and a hostage, but they’re not finished yet! Hinata is now our most valuable player, protect her at all costs!”
““YOSH!””
The Pond Sovereignty quickly pressed their advantage, only to run into an ambush that saw them completely routed and down both their diplomat princess and chief strategist. Because that’s what happens when you decide to prioritise one person over the entire war effort and your chief strategist is sleeping on the job.
“Alright troops, we’ve got them on the ropes, but it’s not over yet! Bring me the prisoners, I have plans for them.”
“Like hell! Chouji, secret strategy meeting, stat! It’s just the two of us now, so we have no choice, we’re switching to asymmetrical warfare!”
““RIGHT!””
The Great Myrtle Nindocracy cut a swath through the Sovereignty of Pond, meeting no resistance until only Fort Trash Bin was left. Unfortunately, the blitzkrieg of 16:15 ended in a stinking rubbish explosion followed by screams. Theirs, and others coming from far behind them. They ran back to their realm only to find it in complete disarray, their food stores ruined, their armory empty, and their hostages nowhere to be found.
“NOW!”
“NOW!”
““EH?””
Surprise nullified home field advantage, only for the Great Cutlery Counterstrike of 16:25 to degenerate into abject confusion when the Byakugan Princess betrayed her Sun King to the wily Dark Emperor.
“Hinata, how could you!?”
“That’s what I want to know!”
“Not that I’m complaining this time.” “Arf!”
“I’m s-sorry, N-Naruto, I-I just can’t bear to follow someone so treacherous!”
“You only say this now!? You attacked under a flag of truce!”
“B-because y-you asked, I… I can’t do it!”
“What do you mean you can’t do it, you already did! Get off me, you damn mutt!”
“Arf!”
“Not you!”
“That’s it, you’re dead!” “Woof!”
“Dogpile!”
“What is even happening right now?”
“Dogpiles are such a drag.”
“The end of the game is nigh. Why? Because Hinata continues to act illogi-"
“Dogpile!” “Arf!”
“I swear to god, Shino, if you turn coat too I’ll set your bugs on f-!”
“Don’t let them distract you, troops, press forward! We’ve totally got them this time!”
“Like hell! Chouji, CHOUJI, PROTECT YOUR LIEGE!”
“ORAAA!”
The Human Avalanche of 16:27 went down in history with all the grace of an upturned snack table and degenerated into a food fight from there.
As I sat there watching and hearing the unfolding disaster from both perspectives – as you do when you can control every sensory organ individually and your hearing is about as good as a great wax moth – I could only wonder how it had come to this. What was with the big words? Where was the brooding Uchiha? Where was the gentle Chouji? Where was the browbeaten Hinata? Uzumaki Naruto, what have you done?
Then there was the last question I needed answered to properly reassess the day’s mental model. “How has nobody still not stepped in to corral them?”
“Because we are closest, I expect,” Itachi confirmed my first suspicion. “Acting before me would be a slight to the Uchiha clan, and most of the other visitors would rather discipline their scions later in the privacy of their homes, I imagine. As for my parents, I assume my father does not want to show disunity, and my mother likely enjoys the sight of Sasuke so carefree.”
You gotta love them optics. “And you?”
“Besides the fact that I have never seen Sasuke so animated? It is because of what you did with Uzumaki.” Well now, that was a new one. “No offense to him, but he was a disaster of a child. So long as the situation is still a net benefit to Sasuke’s happiness, I am willing to stand aside and watch you work.”
It always goes back to Naruto, how much more of this must my poor ego endure? “Way to put all the responsibility on me,” I grunted. “Well, since you’re so accommodating, who can I talk to for a spot of supply requisition?”
“What do you need?”
“A case of water balloons. Actually, make that two, to be anonymously delivered to both sides of the conflict.”
Itachi blinked, then shrugged and nodded. “I will see to it.”
Then he left. He left to play gopher rather than stay in my presence, he just left me there defenceless, that half-grown miscreant!
“Ribbit.”
“No offense to you, big boy,” I pat Gama on the back. I’d called it over as soon as the war began, wouldn’t do for Naruto to take asymmetrical warfare the wrong way. “It’s not your fault you’re still just a dumb animal.” For what little sense it made in such an empathetic life form whose cognitive foundation never stopped evolving. Wasn’t the holographic mind supposed to come with automatic progression to self-determination?
“Ribbit.”
“Go on, torment the other frogs why don’t you.”
“Ribbit.” Gama hopped over to where the bulrush was thickest but still within the great myrtle’s growing shadow. The tree was in full bloom, so it was not only beautiful but cast the perfect shade for Gama to lounge in. Which was good because it meant the beast would stay within Naruto’s shouting distance.
I heard five different conversations change the moment I was left alone, and those were just the ones I’d been passively absorbing without putting effort into it. Omnidirectional hyperawareness would no doubt be a significant information gathering tool if I were a ninja. But since I’m not a ninja, I was more interested in learning how to engage and disengage socially with Konoha’s bigshots. It would probably save me a great deal of annoyance depending on who came my way first.
Not for the first time I wondered what I was even doing here. Whatever reasons Fugaku had for inviting me were obsolete. My influence over village policy expired within the first month. My seeming influence over the Hokage – the true dynamics of which were the opposite of what people thought – became null when I didn’t see the man again after my second stay in the hospital. My ‘one-time Anbu hotline pass’ was a secret nobody knew but us two. And whatever the Hokage got from Shisui reporting on the unspeakably confounding experiments I inflicted on my own person, nobody else was privy to that either. Officially anyway.
Since I’d kept precisely nothing secret of the information and means I’d used to achieve my known level of ‘sway’, I was all out of political leverage to give or be given. That just left my indirect influence through ‘control’ of Konoha’s jinchuuriki, but even that didn’t apply because the invite was given well before Naruto became a mainstay of my life. Having the usher call me ‘Konoha’s Preeminent Loremaster’ even supported my conclusion. It was an honorary title that was completely made up so that, I assumed, Fugaku could still claim he didn’t invite just anyone to… the grandest Uchiha political event with the highest risk and reward prospects in the entire Clan’s history post-Madara.
Except that I had Uchiha Itachi attend to me in particular.
“You should be dead.”
And then there was that. “Lord Hyuuga.” I rose from the bench and turned to greet Hyuuga Hiashi with a nod. I made sure not to sound like I was talking down to him, hard as it is when you’re so much bigger than everyone else and the guy intruding on your peace is a slaver. The other two who were on their way over, Akimichi Chouza and Yamanaka Inoichi, stopped just far back enough that any accusations of eavesdropping would be deniable. “How may I help you?”
“In ways my clan will prove no less aforethought or appreciative than our hosts, I’m sure.” That told me everything I needed to know about how Konoha’s third Royal Bloodline felt about ‘The Masanari Treatise.’ Never mind the idea that I might have something similar in the works for them. Or others. “The Hokage informs me you appreciate direct words.”
Because naming literally anyone else wouldn’t be elevating enough. “The Hokage is correct.”
“Then I will be direct: I wish to study you with my Byakugan.”
Something that came as a surprise to precisely no one. Honestly, the real surprise was that he asked at all, instead of stalking me on a random day before or after. “What are the experimental parameters?”
Hiashi withdrew his arms from his sleeves. “Clarify, if you would.”
“When, where, for how long, are you just going to look at me or were you thinking something more invasive, will I be actively or passively involved, is this a favour or a transaction?”
“You are as upfront as you are thorough.” Which could be good or bad. “Then in order – now, here, only for a few minutes, I will only inspect you with my eyes, you can contribute verbally however you wish, and… we will call it a minor favour.” Hiashi looked at me seriously. “From one Clan Head to the other.”
… I wish I could claim to be blindsided by this. Alright, first order of business when ‘minor favour’ covered everything up to donating entire properties with equally sizable caveats – stall. And look at that, I didn’t even need to do it myself because I could hear a convenient distraction. Glancing across the children’s area, I saw a pair of unfamiliar Uchiha bringing in the cases of water balloons. Discreetly. So discreetly that none of the children noticed except Shino. One of them stomped on his bugs, from what he was mumbling to himself. A habit he was still being trained out of? Alas, in his distraction he ignored the pie slice that Naruto failed to nail Sasuke with. Having a face full of cream finally broke the poor boy’s composure. Shino grabbed an apple and nailed Naruto in the forehead so hard that he got face-slapped off the jetty right into the lake. New battle camps swiftly formed and the food fight promptly devolved into a mud war.
A mud war which, as it happens, would need even more copious quantities of water to wash off than the food. Like from the water balloons that the little devils promptly began to bombard each other with. I looked back to Hiashi just as Sasuke and his side began to pelt the others, precipitating immediate retaliation.
Apropos of nothing, being able to run true-to-physics holographic simulations with your mind is an easy ticket to being called a prophet.
Now to discuss the thing that isn’t nearly as convenient. Clan head, honestly. “As loath as I am to impose on your patience, Lord Hyuuga, I’ll need you to explain what you mean by that last bit.”
“Surely it must come as no surprise, being that it was you who introduced the method of verification.” Hiashi sounded neither condescending nor facetious. “There are few who consider your confirmation as Uzumaki Elder to be anything other than a foregone formality.”
So it was my less flattering hypothesis – everyone was behaving on the conjecture that I was Uzumaki, just so they could side-step the issue of social class by treating me like a fellow clan head. Or Elder, at least. Which, fair enough, I had sufficient DNA overlap with Naruto to qualify – I’d absorbed a bit of his blood and compared his DNA to mine back when he was still accumulating scrapes from playing with the toads a bit too enthusiastically. But I’d kept mum on just what control I’d gained over my anatomy – and everything else – and the hospital still hadn’t isolated the enzymes for DNA mapping, so there wasn’t any actual proof. Also, I was genetically so far away from the main branch that it was ludicrous. “I suppose it’s an understandable position,” I finally said a quarter of a second after his reply. “But to be honest with you, it seems like a lot of effort to put into rationalising all this privileged treatment. I’d much rather have the opposite.”
“You would rather be condescended to like a commoner?”
Testing the bounds of direct words, are you? How loath are you really, Hyuuga, to ‘lower’ yourself? “You misunderstand, my issue is not with being treated like an equal by you and peers, it’s that you consider other Konoha citizens to be inferiors at all.” Hiashi didn’t interrupt, but his eyes did exhibit micromovements not too different from mine while I was studying my own microexpressions in the mirror. “Granted, your status claims are more legitimate than most, what with being Hamura’s descendants and everything, but still, you joined the Senju-Uchiha kingdom, so to speak.” And certainly not as rulers. “The Senju name may be reduced to just one person, but the Senju blood is hardly thin in Konoha, as you know.” The Senju had spent the bulk of the Warring Clan era marrying other bloodlines into theirs and collecting techniques. Then, when they established Konoha, they did the opposite as a way to put their faith into Hashirama’s vision – they married out to strengthen incoming bloodlines and granted their wealth of techniques to the Village as a whole. “The average Konoha citizen has more Senju in them than I have Uzumaki. Coupled with the fact that my family isn’t from the original settlers, I’m technically lower on the echelon than all those commoners you mentioned. Konoha’s citizenry are the Senju.”
“Then I shall keep looking forward to the day when they, too, stop squandering their heritage, Senju name or not,” Hiashi said evenly.
“Well, that’s me told.” Tsunade too. “I guess I can hardly complain that Konoha’s meritocracy is still functional.” However ridiculous the argument sounded coming from a man who made his equally capable twin into a slave.
“Though perhaps their approach will not be as self-hazardous as yours,” Hyuuga was saying now, his tone a bit milder. “Should we be expecting another treatise soon?”
Should you be concerned, you mean? The answer was obviously yes, but also no. I shook my head. “I’ve moved on to more physical means of advancing mankind.”
“Your vehicle.”
“And other things.” Most of which wouldn’t even clash with the ninja way. At first. But that thought would have to go to a background mental partition because I was hearing Sasuke absconding from the chaos to try and pilot his little aircraft without knowing what he’s doing. “You may examine me, Lord Hyuuga. Do you need me to stand still?”
“Preferably.”
“Alright, let me just…” Casting my eyes along the ground, I spotted a little pebble nearby and crouched down to pick it up. “There. You can go ahead.”
Hyuuga Hiashi raised an eyebrow at me, but decided not to ask. His hands came together in a sign.
Third Eye of the Anchorite.
“Byakugan.”
Hyuuga Hiashi’s eyes emitted one – and only one – omnidirectional chakra wave on activation. But it wasn’t the only emission, it was followed by regular pulses of Yang energy, sixty of them per second – same as the average eye’s frame rate? I couldn’t actually see Yang energy any more than I could Yin, but I could feel it. I’d have expected Yin to be involved instead, but then… that was more of an Uchiha thing, and you don’t need magic to use echolocation, or whatever this visual equivalent was called. It explained why using the Byakugan was physically tiring too, better than the extra blood flow anyway. The outflowing of energy also explained why visual genjutsu on Hyuuga were impossible, it would be like trying to push water back into a running tap.
Also sidestepped that little issue of changing energy states. Solid matter was mostly empty space between atoms. The only reason you couldn’t see through walls was because of the swarm of electrons around atomic nuclei. Each electron mostly kept to the same pattern, but once in a while it could change to another, as long as no other electron was doing that pattern already. And this came with a change in energy state – moving up to a faster pace took energy, and moving down to a slower pattern lost energy. That energy was released in the form of light, which could in turn be absorbed by whatever electrons it fell on, prompting yet another change to a faster pattern, and so on ad infinitum, with a lot of that light escaping the object altogether. That’s how you got color. Opacity.
Any form of passive sight would have to compensate for those changing energy states of electron particles. All the electron particles. All the time. Somehow.
Clearly, the Byakugan did not possess this ability. Neither did Hyuuga brains.
After ten seconds without new data inputs, I briefly cast my Third Eye across Konoha to check on my neighbours and my home – not currently being infiltrated, the toads were fine too – then in the opposite direction to the Hokage Rock and beyond it, where I sensed Shisui more clearly than I could anyone else. It was something in his Spirit that made me as aware of him as I was of Naruto, despite the latter’s oh so intense and distinct mix of ‘flavor’. For better or worse, Shisui’s last big character shift occurred almost entirely due to my influence, so much so that I myself became a fundamental part of his experience. His Yin. The Uchiha weren’t the only ones who could bestow their spirit, it turned out. Though this wasn’t Yin bestowal, exactly, more like Yin resonance. ‘I will carry you in my heart’ had an entirely new meaning for me these days.
I’d have to do something really nice for Uzumaki Karin someday. Mind’s Eye of the Kagura was a terribly useful skill, especially when backed up by a human brain not stuck in low-power mode like everyone else. Those parts of the brain involved in dreams? That react during psychotropic and psychedelic experiences? Those parts of my brain that were calcified?
Yeah. It was natural energy gone wrong.
But what can you do when the thing that lets you make magic is also the thing that sucks your Spirit up into a tiny, wrinkled, tangled ball of Yinny-Yangy stuff? It’s why we humans can’t have nice things. Like poetry from your mother’s ghost that makes you invulnerable.
Or necromancy.
Shisui was with the Hokage, Kakashi and a bunch of unfamiliar auras. Well, they were close by in ninja terms, anyway. He felt healthy, his chakra vibrated in that way that he only got when he was wired, borderline eager. I was tempted to look closer, but I wasn’t at the point where I could do that without losing track of time and my surroundings. And it wasn’t like I was in any way interested in possessing even more terminally classified information.
I wondered what Hiashi would see if I sat down and sent my mind over to look in on him properly. But then I’d really be cut off from the rest of the world.
Instead, I shifted my awareness of the Third Eye back to the background and refocused on my surroundings. Good thing too, because the final tipping point in the Littlest Great War of 743 AS was upon us.
I discreetly turned my head just enough to listen in on Sasuke’s… not so surprising progress because I did my best to idiot-proof all the stuff I made for public consumption. All the while, I turned the pebble in my hand. I briefly considered taking a bite out of it, that would really give people something to gawk about – oho, quartz and iron in the same chunk, double-check that my cravings are still safely set to ‘human standard’ – but it was a bit too gauche even for me. I spent the next couple of minutes filing it down with my fingernails instead. Hiashi concluded his unblinking examination just as I pulled a notebook out of my pocket and pencilled in some words, then ripped the paper in as thin a strip as I could.
“Mister Masanari,” Well now, whatever happened to Elder Uzumaki? “What have you been doing to yourself?”
Restoring the Golden Age of Man one phenotype at a time. Which included recreating the Uzumaki traits and techniques from first principles, obviously. “You’ll need to be more specific.”
“I can barely see your chakra pathways, it is as though my sight is blocked or obscured.” That might be my much increased tissue density, though since the Byakugan could see through solid steel, it was more likely the Anami finding the Yang emissions a delicacy. I was surprised enough was left to bounce back for him to see anything at all. “And what I do see, let alone the chakra itself, only reinforces my initial conclusion and adds new questions.”
I was surprised it took so long for people to finally bring up the whole ‘leaks chakra as fast as he generates it’ thing, and even more surprised he was being circumspect on this one thing. Was it for me or for himself? Didn’t really matter anyway, there wasn’t anything I wanted from him that he could hold it over me for. “Ask away.”
“How long have you had the Gate of Death open?”
Seven months and 25 days. Akimichi and Yamanaka stopped their conversation, and they were two of many who paused or stirred at the words, even some who were over thirty meters away. “I’m going to invoke the bloodline secrecy clause on that one.”
“Pity,” Hiashi said, clearly expecting that reply and geared to punish me for it in the same breath. “I suppose it is the reason your Gate of Opening has been completely destroyed?”
Dismantled, Mister Indiscretion, not destroyed. “Your mind betrays you where your eyes do not, I’m afraid.” The Gate of Opening was the obvious option to break down for analysis, being one of only two gates whose function was entirely redundant to someone like me. But it wasn’t like I was going to tell anyone that I was reverse-engineering the chakra pathway system for reasons that would make me sound like some heretic. “But I can explain this much – way it normally goes you open the gate of mind to lift biological limits. If you can get the other gates to open without opening the first, though, you can get whatever benefits they can provide without breaking human limits.”
“You should still be dead. The amount of chakra inside your body is less than I have seen in some corpses.”
Yes, most people wouldn’t consider losing chakra faster than you made it to be a good thing. Of course, most people didn’t need it out of the way to use bloodline nonsense, like digestion refinements and intra-cellular biomass and raw substance assimilation. For storage. And tissue density. Blessed be physics for all its sound-cancelling tricks because I was a lot heavier than I used to be. Tougher too. “That falls under bloodline secrecy too, naturally.” I finished wrapping my little message around the rock stick just as Uchiha Sasuke judged himself – wrongly – ready to guide his radio-controlled helicopter on its maiden voyage. Once it was fixed with a rubber band, I did one simulation, 3 simulations, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23-
“Very well,” Hiashi conceded, though clearly unsatisfied. “Then I have just one more element to add to my examination.”
“Hold that thought.”
47, 53 aaand flick.
The stick of not-chalk nailed Naruto right in the forehead.
He went down with a yelp that was completely ignored in the sudden scrum of grabbing and fighting over who got to capture and ransom the airborne ‘superweapon’ that Sasuke had just piloted into the ground with only minimal help from the flowery myrtle branches. The birthday boy very bravely tried and failed not to stomp his foot embarrassment and frustration. Frustration that rapidly degraded into shimmering-eyed resentment as everyone got to play with his new toy but him, and not even the right way.
I caught Naruto’s eye and pointed down.
The confused brat did so and finally saw my message. Bending forward – incidentally dodging two mud balls and three water balloons – Naruto quickly unwrapped it, pocketed the rubber band just in case – good boy – read my message, crushed it tight in his fist, ate it – what the hell, boy? – pulled in a deep, chest-bursting breath and-
“TIME OOOOOOOOOUT!”
The children stopped. The remaining conversations stopped. The croaking of frogs and toads in the bulrushes stopped. Far behind Hiashi and the rest, I saw Fugaku Uchiha pause in his talk with Aburame Shibi to look over with a frown. Behind them, Mikoto Uchiha stuck her head out the window curiously.
“Time out!” Naruto repeated, only to – SPLASH – be pelted with two water balloons in the face. “Bluh – I said time o – buh – TIME OUT dammit, you’ll break the helicopter!”
That finally got to Kiba. “The what?”
“Uncle's present to Sasuke, duh. The one you’re stealing. Water and electricity go sszrt, you know, and it’s not yours anyway, mutt, tell him Akamaru!”
“Arf!”
“You traitor!” But Kiba handed Sasuke back his toy, though he still glared at Naruto. “Don’t think I trust you though, you already showed you don’t play fair!”
“Fair’s for when we’re not on missions, we’re ninja!” Not yet you’re not. ”But that’s not the point, it’s not about fair. It’s un-re-a-lis-tic.” Naruto carefully sounded out the word I’d written on my message. That he just ate because it bears repeating, Naruto, what the hell? I told him that’s something only I can do, he better not be breaking his teeth on rocks when I’m not around.
“What’s unrealistic?” Chouji asked. “You just said…”
“No, he is correct. Why? Because the enemy will always have a better grasp of his own resources and weapons.”
“What a bother,” Shikamaru dropped to lean against the tree with a grunt and began squeezing water out of his hair. “But I can see it. In a true mission, Sasuke would be a master at controlling his flying craft, he’d be able to drop entire loads of water balloons and stuff all over us.”
“Exactly!” Naruto said sagely. “Sasuke! You said you wanted me to show you how it’s done, well let’s start.”
Sasuke scowled at Naruto, filthy and wet like the rest of them, but… “Hn. It’s about time you lived up to your word, fishcake. But no more funny business!”
“Yeah yeah, duckbutt, let’s start with the car first, it won’t fall apart at the first crash.”
I am insulted.
“I don’t crash things!”
“Sure, I was just imagining the poor helicopter-“
“I didn’t crash it, it was a tactical maneuver ruined by outside interference!”
“Alright alright, Kiba’s the worst minion, I hear you.”
“Naruto, shut up or I’ll-” “Arf!” “Not you too, Akamaru!”
There was much more grumbling, but the kids came together to watch Naruto teach Sasuke the ins and outs of the little gift he’d spent the last two months putting together, using the motor and radio I’d let him take as ‘keepsakes’ after they ‘turned out too weak.’ Naruto still acted boisterous and confident, but sent me furtive glances, hopeful but unsure. I smiled and nodded. It made the kid practically glow, and the others responded to his mood and were soon laughing and swearing vengeance over the sorry states of their hair and clothing while calling out encouragements. Some expressed admiration at Naruto for having made such a wonderful machine. Others were openly jealous of Sasuke’s good fortune, which the boy bore with a face that completely failed to hide how smug he was. They weren’t even wrong, it really was a big achievement, especially at that age.
Hiashi was watching the children too, now, eyes lingering on a laughing Hinata. “Impressive.”
I shook my head. “It’s really just Naruto, he’s actually quite charismatic.” I actually felt a little proud of the kid. I still couldn’t stand children for long, they got irritating and exhausting fast, even though I used to have no trouble dealing with worse on a daily basis. I’d fiddled around with my brain hormones and endorphins to compensate, but it wasn’t the same when you were so acutely aware of which feelings were real or fake. I was still working on it, but cognitive behavioural therapy isn’t an exact science. It wasn’t even a brain issue, as I’d since discovered through my continued failure to extend my control to the immaterial parts of me. It was spiritual.
There was something in my Yin, a leech lodged in my spirit, some manner of blob that even the Anami couldn’t directly interact with without being sucked in and devoured. And on that note... “Alright, Lord Hiashi, what was that last thing you wanted to try?”
“Quite. I would like to use the Gentle Fist to block one of your chakra pressure points.”
Do you now, thanks for sparing me the effort. “Normally I’d refuse, since you’re just trying to skirt around the secrecy clause, but I’ll give you a deal.” I indicated a vague area over my right shoulder. “Do you see anything strange over here? Chakra, Yang, Yin, visual distortions of any kind, anything at all?”
Hiashi focused his Byakugan on the area I indicated and spent the next minute increasing his frown, more and more as my pointing finger moved along with the anomaly. Yes, it was varying degrees of mobile. Arbitrarily so.
Finally, he spoke. “Can you control your chakra well enough for controlled bursts? Localized, preferably.”
“Yes.” I was never going to resist the temptation to walk on water.
“Do so in the middle of what you sense.”
Guess doujutsu couldn’t see Yin or Yang energies any better than normal eyes did. Making a snap decision, I decided not to use conventional chakra control and abruptly closed all the tenketsu in my hand – Hiashi twitched – waited a few moments for the chakra to build up, then reopened them and pushed the chakra out in a wave.
“… Again.”
I had to do the same thing eleven more times before he called a halt.
“I have seen enough. It is barely discernible, but small amounts of the expelled chakra seemingly disappear into nothing instead of dispersing like the rest. I will not ask if this also falls under the secrecy clause.”
“Appreciated.” I flexed my hand and ran a cell-grade scan. The experiment didn’t seem to have harmed my soul cells any, which was always good to see. My little nature spirits were learning and adapting too. “Well, a deal’s a deal.” I sent an order to generate a fresh layer of subdermal stem cells that I quickly altered into my latest ‘assimilate dermal material’ configuration. “Here, will the pressure point in my palm do?”
Now it was Hiashi who looked at me wryly. “Yes, it will do fine.”
Incoming delivery, little ones.
I held my palm out.
Hiashi wasted no time in blocking the major pressure point in the middle of my palm with a juuken strike.
I didn’t deactivate my pain receptors so it stung, but a little pain never killed anyone, and I was more interested to know if – yes. Quick as he was, a few of Hiashi’s skin cells still remained behind, caught by freshly-grown microfilaments that quickly pulled them into my body to be analysed.
Doujutsu weren’t strictly natural eyes, they were more like implants that replaced or co-opted the natural organs, either progressively or early on during the pregnancy. The Sharingan was a result of the same alien genetics as the keirakukei, I’d learned this when I pulled this same trick on Shisui a while back. I could already confirm the Hyuuga were no different, so I wouldn’t be getting any Byakugan information I might otherwise be able to apply to my own eyes. Not that it would have helped much when those genetics would be as hardcoded as the rest, the reverse-engineering was going pretty slow, even with my brain playing the part of a quantum supercomputer. Unless an eye or two dropped in my lap for me to stick into my sockets and dismantle one system at a time, I’ll be stuck cycling through animal phenotypes on an as-needed basis for the foreseeable future. Not that I felt the opportunity loss, even my base sight could react to Shisui’s body flickers now that I could leverage its true maximum framerate, and my brain could simulate a lot in the same span of time. The speed of thought was king.
Epigenetics still provided many great data points though. I was already getting ideas for how to align the chakra system to work more with my body instead of off it, and how to improve my precision and hand-eye coordination for small, explosive movements. Should help a lot to troubleshoot engines during live testing. I’d owned several cars in my previous life, so I knew how to change parts and do maintenance, but how to make the parts? The engines? I’d had to figure everything out from the ground up. If I hadn’t stumbled my way into turning my brain into a reality simulator, I’d still be testing piston shapes and casing alloys, and I’d probably need help to do it. Hired help and lots of it. Instead, I could reallocate the money and headspace to something else. I wasn’t just an expert without a field anymore, I was an engineer.
Also, comparing normal cells to mine always gave some insight into what functions could be offloaded from the Anami back to the cell proper, to free up resources. Resources that then aided in their eternal war of adaptation against the ever ravenous chakra system.
Diminishing returns were the order of the day there, unfortunately, but every little bit helped.
“You will pretend inability to unblock your tenketsu after what you’ve just shown?” Hiashi asked after ten seconds had passed.
“No.” I manipulated the surrounding cells to pull on the pressure point like an iris, dislodging the plug and allowing my own chakra to push it out. “I wanted to see if the existing pressure was enough on its own. Apparently not.” For a single block at least, I’d like to see a Hyuuga try to block Maito Gai’s tenketsu in the middle of Morning Peacock.
Hyuuga Hiashi was obviously wise to the same. “Thank you for your forbearance, Elder Uzumaki.” He glanced from my hand to my face, then to the smiling Hinata and Naruto and back. “It was an interesting meeting.” With a final nod, the Hyuuga Clan leader took his leave.
I watched him go, feeling conflicted. While I appreciated him not losing his mind over juuken being useless on me, I couldn’t be sure he wasn’t plotting blackmail and ruination on the inside. Oh well, I’d just have to deal with things as they come, as usual.
Yamanaka Inoichi and Akimichi Chouza took their turn to talk to me. The former made his greetings and stayed largely silent. The latter asked me if I might consider partnering with them on a new range of frog’s legs recipes. Clearly, I wasn’t the only one who liked the ‘baffle them with bullshit while I pull the other rug from under him’ approach. I politely declined on grounds of sentience but told them I might be willing to share certain family recipes instead, in exchange for a cut of the profits. I was almost disappointed that Inoichi didn’t try any mindgames, literal or otherwise. While I wasn’t going to goad a Yamanaka shinobi into trying to telepathically assault me, I was fairly sure I’d notice and probably give him a bad time. While I didn’t know how their mind techniques worked, I was reasonably confident they were rooted in holonomic brain theory. While I couldn’t speak as to which models were or weren’t pseudoscience, quantum consciousness was definitely a thing in this world. The electric oscillations in the brain's fine-fibered dendritic webs is where I’d finally found the edge of Yang to see the Yin. It was a mess, but a mess I could at least perceive now.
Their visits seemed to work as an unspoken cue, because I was engaged by a bunch more people after that, alone and in groups, most of them Uchiha of varying interests and professions, all of them curious about my flying craft. I was getting a lot of practice reading microexpressions, recognizing tonal inconsistencies and matching scents to emotions with my enhanced sense of smell, though I had to actively refocus on the distant cooking fragrances after the fourth woman that tried to seduce me. There were a whole lot of them too, not all of them single, and some even lusted after me despite all efforts to the contrary. I suppose I should be flattered that so many of them found me attractive.
Since I’m not a homewrecker, I eventually made a tactical retreat to the restroom – unlike my much improved ability to digest and store biomass, my excretory system still had a fluid output comparable to my times pre-refinement. Afterwards, I took my time rejoining the crowd outside. I even met Mikoto Uchiha, who gave me a tour of their personal art gallery and thanked me for bringing Naruto to the party. We had a grand old time skirting the Kyuubi and Naruto parentage ban and she didn’t lust after me even once, thank heavens. She asked if I could bring Naruto over again in the future and I didn’t say no.
When I finally couldn’t justify not returning to the party proper, I made a slow detour by the refreshments table.
Unfortunately (or not?), Nara Shikaku just ‘happened’ to run into me there. “You like living dangerously, don’t you Masanari?”
“I suppose this isn’t about my means of travel.”
“Hyuuga Hiashi is very big on honor, and whatever techniques you invent are your business, but he is just as protective of his family interests, of which the juuken is second only to safeguarding the Byakugan itself. More importantly, the Hyuuga Clan Elders don’t always see the right line to toe as well as he does. There’s a whole laundry list of other things I’d have to say, but I know you’re smart enough to account for all of them, which makes me think you don’t expect those repercussions to apply to you, if not now then soon. You’re planning to leave Konoha, aren’t you?”
Well, either he’s faking his concern, or I really did make a bigger impression on him than I thought. Also, just how little information does he need to guess everyone else’s plans for the future? It wasn’t outside my list of possibilities, but still. “It’s not like I plan to spread the secret to the whole world, and I doubt anyone but me can actually replicate it.”
“Except as a side benefit of whatever else you’re up to that might be transferable, right?”
I looked at him pointedly. I really wasn’t being glib here, I could have used conventional chakra control instead of effectively telling the Head of the Hyuuga Clan that I could no-sell their unbeatable taijutsu. But Shikaku was right, I did plan to leave Konoha soon to become a proper businessman, and with my bodily autonomy and survivability advancing as fast as I could make them, my ability to monetise leverage and counter subterfuge was all that was left to shore up. I wasn’t exactly goading people here, but I also wasn’t likely to have the opportunity to practice counter-espionage skills in such controlled conditions again. Sometimes, you have to go big or go home.
It was the second biggest reason I wasn’t adopting Naruto.
Shikaku sighed. “I suppose I should be glad you’re spacing things out now, instead of breaking the order of things over your knee every other week like when you started out.”
“I’d apologise, but then I’d have to pretend regret over averting the horrifying massacre of everyone here.”
“I don’t suppose I can interest you in a place with T&I? Ibiki insisted I ask.”
“You may as well ask me to swallow knives. I can do it, though I’m not otherwise equipped to put on a magic show at the moment.”
“I’m starting to see why the Hokage can’t stand to talk about you.”
He can’t? “I can hardly come up that often in conversation.”
“You’d be surprised. Then again, maybe not. Have a good one, Masanari, try not to give any other dynasties an existential scare today, hmm? Good job with your kid, he’s a riot.”
Shikaku left me to my thoughts of shinobi politics and little orphaned messiahs that really did deserve more from me than I literally could give.
My plans to leave Konoha were the second biggest reason I wasn’t adopting Naruto. The main biggest reason was the Yin leech. It was eating up all the goodwill and energy I should naturally possess for dealing with even the least insufferable little brats. It felt like a childish ball of attachment and shame even though I didn’t, in fact, have Kurama’s ability to sense emotions. I wish I could say I didn’t have anything to compare it to, but I did. Sometimes, when I got particularly lucky during my examination of the quantum oscillations in my brain, I could glimpse something of my psycho-spiritual history like I could for my physical body, a flash of retrocognition that told me I was right. Twice over, even, there were apparently two leeches at some point, until the second disappeared. It happened on the same day that Naruto almost got me killed in my own basement, which was totally not suspicious at all.
The other leech had been on my other shoulder, incidentally. And its disappearance was followed, oh so conveniently, by me finally dragging myself out of my suicidal depression. The notion of shoulder angels and devils whispering in my ears had never felt so sinister.
I was still inclined to attribute my better mental health to everything else that happened to me after that month of hell, but I couldn’t discount the other possibilities if I wanted to still call myself a scientist. Depression shouldn’t have taken me five bloody years to recover from. I had a stronger spine than that, since well before I began eating geodes and started to play with carbide ceramic ossification and strontium. I was still building my theories about what it meant, what any of it meant, and I still couldn’t perceive or understand the leech properly. All the Yin I should have available to ‘reflect on myself’ was tangled up in the keirakukei instead. My working theory was Yin bestowal gone wrong, though I didn’t like the direction my thoughts took when I pondered it too long.
I closed my eyes and looked inward, into and past neurons and synapses to the quantum effects between my cells. Double layered balls of plasma were theorised to be the cause behind many paranormal mysteries back on the old world. I still doubted it because I still doubted most theories that try to give a single explanation for everything under the sun. But on this world, the issue was actually more muddled because of how many of those phenomena were absent. On the one hand, kaiju and magic. On the other hand, there were no UFOs despite the moon being literally inhabited by human-alien hybrids, no cryptids that weren’t runaway bio-experiments, no angels, demons, no spontaneous spirits and apparitions, no poltergeists, not a single trumpet sound in the sky, no gods despite the strongest techniques being named after them, I couldn’t even be sure what the ‘Shinigami’ really was. There were possessions, but only through chakra techniques tied into some sort of bioengineering mad science. And then you had the ‘King of Hell’ who was literally a brain-dead abomination slaved to whatever autonomous intelligence the Rinnegan came loaded with. In most regards, chakra seemed to have rendered this world poorer in terms of the fantastic, paradoxically enough, even though the cycle of life and afterlife was objectively defective. Or maybe because of it.
Now, though, the more I thought of Kenzo and watched the resulting disruptions and anomalies in my wave interference patterns, the more I had to wonder if maybe ghosts did exist here in some form. When the only way to affect the anomaly was by thinking of my dead son and throwing energy at his inherited trauma, not many possibilities came up. How bad must it have been for it to have cascading effects on those around him? To linger for so long? I wondered what my son must have thought or felt when he died, how long it must have taken him to bleed out in hopeless agony before cerebral death finally found him.
I wondered about other things too. The way the chakra system monopolised the Yin, how it pulled it into itself so tightly, might explain why ninja lost more and more empathy and self-awareness the stronger they became, but could undergo sudden, extremely major character shifts under the right external stimulus. Especially when said stimulus came with a big, permanent donation of Yin from the guy who just died. Or a big enough Yin resonance, like, say, Uzumaki Naruto punching your lights out after smashing apart your entire lifetime of maladaptive core beliefs in a fit of passion.
“Sir, are you well?”
I opened my eyes and looked to my right. Uchiha, regular black hair, black eyes, appearance of a man entering his middle age. “Sorry, I was thinking about something.”
“Quite deeply, it seems.” The man held out a hand. “Uchiha Ruguru, gatekeeper. I would have been there to meet you on arrival, but the Lord Heir wished to greet you himself.”
I shook his hand. Not something I expected to do today, handshakes weren’t the standard Uchiha thing, or even the standard Konoha or Fire Country thing, but it wasn’t entirely unheard of outside deal signings. “Do you push those big gates open yourself?” His hands were callused. Kind of dusty too, more than traces of it stuck to my palm, had he just come off duty? Oh well, more genetic data points for me-
The dust began burrowing into my skin all on its own.
“I’m glad I get to meet you, sir.”
Isolate, analyse, metabolize mitotic offspring to control contaminant spread.
“While I know much of the clan resents that a random civilian had to come in and solve all our problems, there are others who believe that Konoha birthing a man capable of going to such lengths for us is the greatest validation of the Lord Hokage’s Will of Fire philosophy.”
Parasitic spores, foreign chakra, pre-moulded, wave-form oscillations independent of own input, consistent patterns indicative of remote synchrony, genetic footprint dissimilar to skin cells absorbed from vector of delivery, devote mental partition to mentally screaming the word ‘fuck’ two times per second.
“I’ve read your books. The centrefolds with the dummy’s guide to the scientific method were particularly inspired.”
Physical senses indicate negligible divergence from human standard, third eye detects no chakra aberrancies, partial success by anami gestalt to establish resonance, results consistent with non-cellular dual-layer plasma phenomena, DNA of delivery vector is mix of male human phenotypes and plant.
“I was worried I might not get my chance with everyone else imposing on your time, but I have a question I really want to ask you, Doctor, since you’re the only person I expect to back up your words with hard facts.”
The Uchiha Clan was hosting the biggest clan gathering in Konoha, I was separated from the other guests including the score of ninja, Naruto was twenty-three meters away with seven other child hostages, I had just been infested with Zetsu spores, and Uchiha Obito had me by the hand.
“What’s your informed opinion on the ninja way? Has the Hidden Village system truly helped mankind, or are three Great Ninja World Wars in a single generation the best we can ever hope for?”
Chapter 10: The Ends of Holonomic Cognition
“-. July 23, 6 ANB .-“
The Littlest Great War of 743 AS began with a border incident along the hastily drawn line between the Sovereignty of Pond and the Great Myrtle Nindocracy. Its first engagement was the Rubber Kunai Strike of 15:15. It was followed by the Gum Shuriken Counterstrike of 15:20. A fallow period ensued during which the two sides conducted raids on each other’s food stores while preparing new strategies. The renewal of hostilities looked like it might be averted at 15:45, only for peace talks to break down in the face of the Perfidy of Perfidiousness, putting the advantage firmly in the hands of the Sovereignty.
“I can’t believe this, attacking under a flag of truce? By Hinata! Hinata. How could you, Hinata!? You’ll pay for this, Naruto, Shino did nothing wrong!” “Arf!”
“Alright, everyone! We got their sand fort and a hostage, but they’re not finished yet! Hinata is now our most valuable player, protect her at all costs!”
““YOSH!””
The Pond Sovereignty quickly pressed their advantage, only to run into an ambush that saw them completely routed and down both their diplomat princess and chief strategist. Because that’s what happens when you decide to prioritise one person over the entire war effort and your chief strategist is sleeping on the job.
“Alright troops, we’ve got them on the ropes, but it’s not over yet! Bring me the prisoners, I have plans for them.”
“Like hell! Chouji, secret strategy meeting, stat! It’s just the two of us now, so we have no choice, we’re switching to asymmetrical warfare!”
““RIGHT!””
The Great Myrtle Nindocracy cut a swath through the Sovereignty of Pond, meeting no resistance until only Fort Trash Bin was left. Unfortunately, the blitzkrieg of 16:15 ended in a stinking rubbish explosion followed by screams. Theirs, and others coming from far behind them. They ran back to their realm only to find it in complete disarray, their food stores ruined, their armory empty, and their hostages nowhere to be found.
“NOW!”
“NOW!”
““EH?””
Surprise nullified home field advantage, only for the Great Cutlery Counterstrike of 16:25 to degenerate into abject confusion when the Byakugan Princess betrayed her Sun King to the wily Dark Emperor.
“Hinata, how could you!?”
“That’s what I want to know!”
“Not that I’m complaining this time.” “Arf!”
“I’m s-sorry, N-Naruto, I-I just can’t bear to follow someone so treacherous!”
“You only say this now!? You attacked under a flag of truce!”
“B-because y-you asked, I… I can’t do it!”
“What do you mean you can’t do it, you already did! Get off me, you damn mutt!”
“Arf!”
“Not you!”
“That’s it, you’re dead!” “Woof!”
“Dogpile!”
“What is even happening right now?”
“Dogpiles are such a drag.”
“The end of the game is nigh. Why? Because Hinata continues to act illogi-"
“Dogpile!” “Arf!”
“I swear to god, Shino, if you turn coat too I’ll set your bugs on f-!”
“Don’t let them distract you, troops, press forward! We’ve totally got them this time!”
“Like hell! Chouji, CHOUJI, PROTECT YOUR LIEGE!”
“ORAAA!”
The Human Avalanche of 16:27 went down in history with all the grace of an upturned snack table and degenerated into a food fight from there.
As I sat there watching and hearing the unfolding disaster from both perspectives – as you do when you can control every sensory organ individually and your hearing is about as good as a great wax moth – I could only wonder how it had come to this. What was with the big words? Where was the brooding Uchiha? Where was the gentle Chouji? Where was the browbeaten Hinata? Uzumaki Naruto, what have you done?
Then there was the last question I needed answered to properly reassess the day’s mental model. “How has nobody still not stepped in to corral them?”
“Because we are closest, I expect,” Itachi confirmed my first suspicion. “Acting before me would be a slight to the Uchiha clan, and most of the other visitors would rather discipline their scions later in the privacy of their homes, I imagine. As for my parents, I assume my father does not want to show disunity, and my mother likely enjoys the sight of Sasuke so carefree.”
You gotta love them optics. “And you?”
“Besides the fact that I have never seen Sasuke so animated? It is because of what you did with Uzumaki.” Well now, that was a new one. “No offense to him, but he was a disaster of a child. So long as the situation is still a net benefit to Sasuke’s happiness, I am willing to stand aside and watch you work.”
It always goes back to Naruto, how much more of this must my poor ego endure? “Way to put all the responsibility on me,” I grunted. “Well, since you’re so accommodating, who can I talk to for a spot of supply requisition?”
“What do you need?”
“A case of water balloons. Actually, make that two, to be anonymously delivered to both sides of the conflict.”
Itachi blinked, then shrugged and nodded. “I will see to it.”
Then he left. He left to play gopher rather than stay in my presence, he just left me there defenceless, that half-grown miscreant!
“Ribbit.”
“No offense to you, big boy,” I pat Gama on the back. I’d called it over as soon as the war began, wouldn’t do for Naruto to take asymmetrical warfare the wrong way. “It’s not your fault you’re still just a dumb animal.” For what little sense it made in such an empathetic life form whose cognitive foundation never stopped evolving. Wasn’t the holographic mind supposed to come with automatic progression to self-determination?
“Ribbit.”
“Go on, torment the other frogs why don’t you.”
“Ribbit.” Gama hopped over to where the bulrush was thickest but still within the great myrtle’s growing shadow. The tree was in full bloom, so it was not only beautiful but cast the perfect shade for Gama to lounge in. Which was good because it meant the beast would stay within Naruto’s shouting distance.
I heard five different conversations change the moment I was left alone, and those were just the ones I’d been passively absorbing without putting effort into it. Omnidirectional hyperawareness would no doubt be a significant information gathering tool if I were a ninja. But since I’m not a ninja, I was more interested in learning how to engage and disengage socially with Konoha’s bigshots. It would probably save me a great deal of annoyance depending on who came my way first.
Not for the first time I wondered what I was even doing here. Whatever reasons Fugaku had for inviting me were obsolete. My influence over village policy expired within the first month. My seeming influence over the Hokage – the true dynamics of which were the opposite of what people thought – became null when I didn’t see the man again after my second stay in the hospital. My ‘one-time Anbu hotline pass’ was a secret nobody knew but us two. And whatever the Hokage got from Shisui reporting on the unspeakably confounding experiments I inflicted on my own person, nobody else was privy to that either. Officially anyway.
Since I’d kept precisely nothing secret of the information and means I’d used to achieve my known level of ‘sway’, I was all out of political leverage to give or be given. That just left my indirect influence through ‘control’ of Konoha’s jinchuuriki, but even that didn’t apply because the invite was given well before Naruto became a mainstay of my life. Having the usher call me ‘Konoha’s Preeminent Loremaster’ even supported my conclusion. It was an honorary title that was completely made up so that, I assumed, Fugaku could still claim he didn’t invite just anyone to… the grandest Uchiha political event with the highest risk and reward prospects in the entire Clan’s history post-Madara.
Except that I had Uchiha Itachi attend to me in particular.
“You should be dead.”
And then there was that. “Lord Hyuuga.” I rose from the bench and turned to greet Hyuuga Hiashi with a nod. I made sure not to sound like I was talking down to him, hard as it is when you’re so much bigger than everyone else and the guy intruding on your peace is a slaver. The other two who were on their way over, Akimichi Chouza and Yamanaka Inoichi, stopped just far back enough that any accusations of eavesdropping would be deniable. “How may I help you?”
“In ways my clan will prove no less aforethought or appreciative than our hosts, I’m sure.” That told me everything I needed to know about how Konoha’s third Royal Bloodline felt about ‘The Masanari Treatise.’ Never mind the idea that I might have something similar in the works for them. Or others. “The Hokage informs me you appreciate direct words.”
Because naming literally anyone else wouldn’t be elevating enough. “The Hokage is correct.”
“Then I will be direct: I wish to study you with my Byakugan.”
Something that came as a surprise to precisely no one. Honestly, the real surprise was that he asked at all, instead of stalking me on a random day before or after. “What are the experimental parameters?”
Hiashi withdrew his arms from his sleeves. “Clarify, if you would.”
“When, where, for how long, are you just going to look at me or were you thinking something more invasive, will I be actively or passively involved, is this a favour or a transaction?”
“You are as upfront as you are thorough.” Which could be good or bad. “Then in order – now, here, only for a few minutes, I will only inspect you with my eyes, you can contribute verbally however you wish, and… we will call it a minor favour.” Hiashi looked at me seriously. “From one Clan Head to the other.”
… I wish I could claim to be blindsided by this. Alright, first order of business when ‘minor favour’ covered everything up to donating entire properties with equally sizable caveats – stall. And look at that, I didn’t even need to do it myself because I could hear a convenient distraction. Glancing across the children’s area, I saw a pair of unfamiliar Uchiha bringing in the cases of water balloons. Discreetly. So discreetly that none of the children noticed except Shino. One of them stomped on his bugs, from what he was mumbling to himself. A habit he was still being trained out of? Alas, in his distraction he ignored the pie slice that Naruto failed to nail Sasuke with. Having a face full of cream finally broke the poor boy’s composure. Shino grabbed an apple and nailed Naruto in the forehead so hard that he got face-slapped off the jetty right into the lake. New battle camps swiftly formed and the food fight promptly devolved into a mud war.
A mud war which, as it happens, would need even more copious quantities of water to wash off than the food. Like from the water balloons that the little devils promptly began to bombard each other with. I looked back to Hiashi just as Sasuke and his side began to pelt the others, precipitating immediate retaliation.
Apropos of nothing, being able to run true-to-physics holographic simulations with your mind is an easy ticket to being called a prophet.
Now to discuss the thing that isn’t nearly as convenient. Clan head, honestly. “As loath as I am to impose on your patience, Lord Hyuuga, I’ll need you to explain what you mean by that last bit.”
“Surely it must come as no surprise, being that it was you who introduced the method of verification.” Hiashi sounded neither condescending nor facetious. “There are few who consider your confirmation as Uzumaki Elder to be anything other than a foregone formality.”
So it was my less flattering hypothesis – everyone was behaving on the conjecture that I was Uzumaki, just so they could side-step the issue of social class by treating me like a fellow clan head. Or Elder, at least. Which, fair enough, I had sufficient DNA overlap with Naruto to qualify – I’d absorbed a bit of his blood and compared his DNA to mine back when he was still accumulating scrapes from playing with the toads a bit too enthusiastically. But I’d kept mum on just what control I’d gained over my anatomy – and everything else – and the hospital still hadn’t isolated the enzymes for DNA mapping, so there wasn’t any actual proof. Also, I was genetically so far away from the main branch that it was ludicrous. “I suppose it’s an understandable position,” I finally said a quarter of a second after his reply. “But to be honest with you, it seems like a lot of effort to put into rationalising all this privileged treatment. I’d much rather have the opposite.”
“You would rather be condescended to like a commoner?”
Testing the bounds of direct words, are you? How loath are you really, Hyuuga, to ‘lower’ yourself? “You misunderstand, my issue is not with being treated like an equal by you and peers, it’s that you consider other Konoha citizens to be inferiors at all.” Hiashi didn’t interrupt, but his eyes did exhibit micromovements not too different from mine while I was studying my own microexpressions in the mirror. “Granted, your status claims are more legitimate than most, what with being Hamura’s descendants and everything, but still, you joined the Senju-Uchiha kingdom, so to speak.” And certainly not as rulers. “The Senju name may be reduced to just one person, but the Senju blood is hardly thin in Konoha, as you know.” The Senju had spent the bulk of the Warring Clan era marrying other bloodlines into theirs and collecting techniques. Then, when they established Konoha, they did the opposite as a way to put their faith into Hashirama’s vision – they married out to strengthen incoming bloodlines and granted their wealth of techniques to the Village as a whole. “The average Konoha citizen has more Senju in them than I have Uzumaki. Coupled with the fact that my family isn’t from the original settlers, I’m technically lower on the echelon than all those commoners you mentioned. Konoha’s citizenry are the Senju.”
“Then I shall keep looking forward to the day when they, too, stop squandering their heritage, Senju name or not,” Hiashi said evenly.
“Well, that’s me told.” Tsunade too. “I guess I can hardly complain that Konoha’s meritocracy is still functional.” However ridiculous the argument sounded coming from a man who made his equally capable twin into a slave.
“Though perhaps their approach will not be as self-hazardous as yours,” Hyuuga was saying now, his tone a bit milder. “Should we be expecting another treatise soon?”
Should you be concerned, you mean? The answer was obviously yes, but also no. I shook my head. “I’ve moved on to more physical means of advancing mankind.”
“Your vehicle.”
“And other things.” Most of which wouldn’t even clash with the ninja way. At first. But that thought would have to go to a background mental partition because I was hearing Sasuke absconding from the chaos to try and pilot his little aircraft without knowing what he’s doing. “You may examine me, Lord Hyuuga. Do you need me to stand still?”
“Preferably.”
“Alright, let me just…” Casting my eyes along the ground, I spotted a little pebble nearby and crouched down to pick it up. “There. You can go ahead.”
Hyuuga Hiashi raised an eyebrow at me, but decided not to ask. His hands came together in a sign.
Third Eye of the Anchorite.
“Byakugan.”
Hyuuga Hiashi’s eyes emitted one – and only one – omnidirectional chakra wave on activation. But it wasn’t the only emission, it was followed by regular pulses of Yang energy, sixty of them per second – same as the average eye’s frame rate? I couldn’t actually see Yang energy any more than I could Yin, but I could feel it. I’d have expected Yin to be involved instead, but then… that was more of an Uchiha thing, and you don’t need magic to use echolocation, or whatever this visual equivalent was called. It explained why using the Byakugan was physically tiring too, better than the extra blood flow anyway. The outflowing of energy also explained why visual genjutsu on Hyuuga were impossible, it would be like trying to push water back into a running tap.
Also sidestepped that little issue of changing energy states. Solid matter was mostly empty space between atoms. The only reason you couldn’t see through walls was because of the swarm of electrons around atomic nuclei. Each electron mostly kept to the same pattern, but once in a while it could change to another, as long as no other electron was doing that pattern already. And this came with a change in energy state – moving up to a faster pace took energy, and moving down to a slower pattern lost energy. That energy was released in the form of light, which could in turn be absorbed by whatever electrons it fell on, prompting yet another change to a faster pattern, and so on ad infinitum, with a lot of that light escaping the object altogether. That’s how you got color. Opacity.
Any form of passive sight would have to compensate for those changing energy states of electron particles. All the electron particles. All the time. Somehow.
Clearly, the Byakugan did not possess this ability. Neither did Hyuuga brains.
After ten seconds without new data inputs, I briefly cast my Third Eye across Konoha to check on my neighbours and my home – not currently being infiltrated, the toads were fine too – then in the opposite direction to the Hokage Rock and beyond it, where I sensed Shisui more clearly than I could anyone else. It was something in his Spirit that made me as aware of him as I was of Naruto, despite the latter’s oh so intense and distinct mix of ‘flavor’. For better or worse, Shisui’s last big character shift occurred almost entirely due to my influence, so much so that I myself became a fundamental part of his experience. His Yin. The Uchiha weren’t the only ones who could bestow their spirit, it turned out. Though this wasn’t Yin bestowal, exactly, more like Yin resonance. ‘I will carry you in my heart’ had an entirely new meaning for me these days.
I’d have to do something really nice for Uzumaki Karin someday. Mind’s Eye of the Kagura was a terribly useful skill, especially when backed up by a human brain not stuck in low-power mode like everyone else. Those parts of the brain involved in dreams? That react during psychotropic and psychedelic experiences? Those parts of my brain that were calcified?
Yeah. It was natural energy gone wrong.
But what can you do when the thing that lets you make magic is also the thing that sucks your Spirit up into a tiny, wrinkled, tangled ball of Yinny-Yangy stuff? It’s why we humans can’t have nice things. Like poetry from your mother’s ghost that makes you invulnerable.
Or necromancy.
Shisui was with the Hokage, Kakashi and a bunch of unfamiliar auras. Well, they were close by in ninja terms, anyway. He felt healthy, his chakra vibrated in that way that he only got when he was wired, borderline eager. I was tempted to look closer, but I wasn’t at the point where I could do that without losing track of time and my surroundings. And it wasn’t like I was in any way interested in possessing even more terminally classified information.
I wondered what Hiashi would see if I sat down and sent my mind over to look in on him properly. But then I’d really be cut off from the rest of the world.
Instead, I shifted my awareness of the Third Eye back to the background and refocused on my surroundings. Good thing too, because the final tipping point in the Littlest Great War of 743 AS was upon us.
I discreetly turned my head just enough to listen in on Sasuke’s… not so surprising progress because I did my best to idiot-proof all the stuff I made for public consumption. All the while, I turned the pebble in my hand. I briefly considered taking a bite out of it, that would really give people something to gawk about – oho, quartz and iron in the same chunk, double-check that my cravings are still safely set to ‘human standard’ – but it was a bit too gauche even for me. I spent the next couple of minutes filing it down with my fingernails instead. Hiashi concluded his unblinking examination just as I pulled a notebook out of my pocket and pencilled in some words, then ripped the paper in as thin a strip as I could.
“Mister Masanari,” Well now, whatever happened to Elder Uzumaki? “What have you been doing to yourself?”
Restoring the Golden Age of Man one phenotype at a time. Which included recreating the Uzumaki traits and techniques from first principles, obviously. “You’ll need to be more specific.”
“I can barely see your chakra pathways, it is as though my sight is blocked or obscured.” That might be my much increased tissue density, though since the Byakugan could see through solid steel, it was more likely the Anami finding the Yang emissions a delicacy. I was surprised enough was left to bounce back for him to see anything at all. “And what I do see, let alone the chakra itself, only reinforces my initial conclusion and adds new questions.”
I was surprised it took so long for people to finally bring up the whole ‘leaks chakra as fast as he generates it’ thing, and even more surprised he was being circumspect on this one thing. Was it for me or for himself? Didn’t really matter anyway, there wasn’t anything I wanted from him that he could hold it over me for. “Ask away.”
“How long have you had the Gate of Death open?”
Seven months and 25 days. Akimichi and Yamanaka stopped their conversation, and they were two of many who paused or stirred at the words, even some who were over thirty meters away. “I’m going to invoke the bloodline secrecy clause on that one.”
“Pity,” Hiashi said, clearly expecting that reply and geared to punish me for it in the same breath. “I suppose it is the reason your Gate of Opening has been completely destroyed?”
Dismantled, Mister Indiscretion, not destroyed. “Your mind betrays you where your eyes do not, I’m afraid.” The Gate of Opening was the obvious option to break down for analysis, being one of only two gates whose function was entirely redundant to someone like me. But it wasn’t like I was going to tell anyone that I was reverse-engineering the chakra pathway system for reasons that would make me sound like some heretic. “But I can explain this much – way it normally goes you open the gate of mind to lift biological limits. If you can get the other gates to open without opening the first, though, you can get whatever benefits they can provide without breaking human limits.”
“You should still be dead. The amount of chakra inside your body is less than I have seen in some corpses.”
Yes, most people wouldn’t consider losing chakra faster than you made it to be a good thing. Of course, most people didn’t need it out of the way to use bloodline nonsense, like digestion refinements and intra-cellular biomass and raw substance assimilation. For storage. And tissue density. Blessed be physics for all its sound-cancelling tricks because I was a lot heavier than I used to be. Tougher too. “That falls under bloodline secrecy too, naturally.” I finished wrapping my little message around the rock stick just as Uchiha Sasuke judged himself – wrongly – ready to guide his radio-controlled helicopter on its maiden voyage. Once it was fixed with a rubber band, I did one simulation, 3 simulations, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23-
“Very well,” Hiashi conceded, though clearly unsatisfied. “Then I have just one more element to add to my examination.”
“Hold that thought.”
47, 53 aaand flick.
The stick of not-chalk nailed Naruto right in the forehead.
He went down with a yelp that was completely ignored in the sudden scrum of grabbing and fighting over who got to capture and ransom the airborne ‘superweapon’ that Sasuke had just piloted into the ground with only minimal help from the flowery myrtle branches. The birthday boy very bravely tried and failed not to stomp his foot embarrassment and frustration. Frustration that rapidly degraded into shimmering-eyed resentment as everyone got to play with his new toy but him, and not even the right way.
I caught Naruto’s eye and pointed down.
The confused brat did so and finally saw my message. Bending forward – incidentally dodging two mud balls and three water balloons – Naruto quickly unwrapped it, pocketed the rubber band just in case – good boy – read my message, crushed it tight in his fist, ate it – what the hell, boy? – pulled in a deep, chest-bursting breath and-
“TIME OOOOOOOOOUT!”
The children stopped. The remaining conversations stopped. The croaking of frogs and toads in the bulrushes stopped. Far behind Hiashi and the rest, I saw Fugaku Uchiha pause in his talk with Aburame Shibi to look over with a frown. Behind them, Mikoto Uchiha stuck her head out the window curiously.
“Time out!” Naruto repeated, only to – SPLASH – be pelted with two water balloons in the face. “Bluh – I said time o – buh – TIME OUT dammit, you’ll break the helicopter!”
That finally got to Kiba. “The what?”
“Uncle's present to Sasuke, duh. The one you’re stealing. Water and electricity go sszrt, you know, and it’s not yours anyway, mutt, tell him Akamaru!”
“Arf!”
“You traitor!” But Kiba handed Sasuke back his toy, though he still glared at Naruto. “Don’t think I trust you though, you already showed you don’t play fair!”
“Fair’s for when we’re not on missions, we’re ninja!” Not yet you’re not. ”But that’s not the point, it’s not about fair. It’s un-re-a-lis-tic.” Naruto carefully sounded out the word I’d written on my message. That he just ate because it bears repeating, Naruto, what the hell? I told him that’s something only I can do, he better not be breaking his teeth on rocks when I’m not around.
“What’s unrealistic?” Chouji asked. “You just said…”
“No, he is correct. Why? Because the enemy will always have a better grasp of his own resources and weapons.”
“What a bother,” Shikamaru dropped to lean against the tree with a grunt and began squeezing water out of his hair. “But I can see it. In a true mission, Sasuke would be a master at controlling his flying craft, he’d be able to drop entire loads of water balloons and stuff all over us.”
“Exactly!” Naruto said sagely. “Sasuke! You said you wanted me to show you how it’s done, well let’s start.”
Sasuke scowled at Naruto, filthy and wet like the rest of them, but… “Hn. It’s about time you lived up to your word, fishcake. But no more funny business!”
“Yeah yeah, duckbutt, let’s start with the car first, it won’t fall apart at the first crash.”
I am insulted.
“I don’t crash things!”
“Sure, I was just imagining the poor helicopter-“
“I didn’t crash it, it was a tactical maneuver ruined by outside interference!”
“Alright alright, Kiba’s the worst minion, I hear you.”
“Naruto, shut up or I’ll-” “Arf!” “Not you too, Akamaru!”
There was much more grumbling, but the kids came together to watch Naruto teach Sasuke the ins and outs of the little gift he’d spent the last two months putting together, using the motor and radio I’d let him take as ‘keepsakes’ after they ‘turned out too weak.’ Naruto still acted boisterous and confident, but sent me furtive glances, hopeful but unsure. I smiled and nodded. It made the kid practically glow, and the others responded to his mood and were soon laughing and swearing vengeance over the sorry states of their hair and clothing while calling out encouragements. Some expressed admiration at Naruto for having made such a wonderful machine. Others were openly jealous of Sasuke’s good fortune, which the boy bore with a face that completely failed to hide how smug he was. They weren’t even wrong, it really was a big achievement, especially at that age.
Hiashi was watching the children too, now, eyes lingering on a laughing Hinata. “Impressive.”
I shook my head. “It’s really just Naruto, he’s actually quite charismatic.” I actually felt a little proud of the kid. I still couldn’t stand children for long, they got irritating and exhausting fast, even though I used to have no trouble dealing with worse on a daily basis. I’d fiddled around with my brain hormones and endorphins to compensate, but it wasn’t the same when you were so acutely aware of which feelings were real or fake. I was still working on it, but cognitive behavioural therapy isn’t an exact science. It wasn’t even a brain issue, as I’d since discovered through my continued failure to extend my control to the immaterial parts of me. It was spiritual.
There was something in my Yin, a leech lodged in my spirit, some manner of blob that even the Anami couldn’t directly interact with without being sucked in and devoured. And on that note... “Alright, Lord Hiashi, what was that last thing you wanted to try?”
“Quite. I would like to use the Gentle Fist to block one of your chakra pressure points.”
Do you now, thanks for sparing me the effort. “Normally I’d refuse, since you’re just trying to skirt around the secrecy clause, but I’ll give you a deal.” I indicated a vague area over my right shoulder. “Do you see anything strange over here? Chakra, Yang, Yin, visual distortions of any kind, anything at all?”
Hiashi focused his Byakugan on the area I indicated and spent the next minute increasing his frown, more and more as my pointing finger moved along with the anomaly. Yes, it was varying degrees of mobile. Arbitrarily so.
Finally, he spoke. “Can you control your chakra well enough for controlled bursts? Localized, preferably.”
“Yes.” I was never going to resist the temptation to walk on water.
“Do so in the middle of what you sense.”
Guess doujutsu couldn’t see Yin or Yang energies any better than normal eyes did. Making a snap decision, I decided not to use conventional chakra control and abruptly closed all the tenketsu in my hand – Hiashi twitched – waited a few moments for the chakra to build up, then reopened them and pushed the chakra out in a wave.
“… Again.”
I had to do the same thing eleven more times before he called a halt.
“I have seen enough. It is barely discernible, but small amounts of the expelled chakra seemingly disappear into nothing instead of dispersing like the rest. I will not ask if this also falls under the secrecy clause.”
“Appreciated.” I flexed my hand and ran a cell-grade scan. The experiment didn’t seem to have harmed my soul cells any, which was always good to see. My little nature spirits were learning and adapting too. “Well, a deal’s a deal.” I sent an order to generate a fresh layer of subdermal stem cells that I quickly altered into my latest ‘assimilate dermal material’ configuration. “Here, will the pressure point in my palm do?”
Now it was Hiashi who looked at me wryly. “Yes, it will do fine.”
Incoming delivery, little ones.
I held my palm out.
Hiashi wasted no time in blocking the major pressure point in the middle of my palm with a juuken strike.
I didn’t deactivate my pain receptors so it stung, but a little pain never killed anyone, and I was more interested to know if – yes. Quick as he was, a few of Hiashi’s skin cells still remained behind, caught by freshly-grown microfilaments that quickly pulled them into my body to be analysed.
Doujutsu weren’t strictly natural eyes, they were more like implants that replaced or co-opted the natural organs, either progressively or early on during the pregnancy. The Sharingan was a result of the same alien genetics as the keirakukei, I’d learned this when I pulled this same trick on Shisui a while back. I could already confirm the Hyuuga were no different, so I wouldn’t be getting any Byakugan information I might otherwise be able to apply to my own eyes. Not that it would have helped much when those genetics would be as hardcoded as the rest, the reverse-engineering was going pretty slow, even with my brain playing the part of a quantum supercomputer. Unless an eye or two dropped in my lap for me to stick into my sockets and dismantle one system at a time, I’ll be stuck cycling through animal phenotypes on an as-needed basis for the foreseeable future. Not that I felt the opportunity loss, even my base sight could react to Shisui’s body flickers now that I could leverage its true maximum framerate, and my brain could simulate a lot in the same span of time. The speed of thought was king.
Epigenetics still provided many great data points though. I was already getting ideas for how to align the chakra system to work more with my body instead of off it, and how to improve my precision and hand-eye coordination for small, explosive movements. Should help a lot to troubleshoot engines during live testing. I’d owned several cars in my previous life, so I knew how to change parts and do maintenance, but how to make the parts? The engines? I’d had to figure everything out from the ground up. If I hadn’t stumbled my way into turning my brain into a reality simulator, I’d still be testing piston shapes and casing alloys, and I’d probably need help to do it. Hired help and lots of it. Instead, I could reallocate the money and headspace to something else. I wasn’t just an expert without a field anymore, I was an engineer.
Also, comparing normal cells to mine always gave some insight into what functions could be offloaded from the Anami back to the cell proper, to free up resources. Resources that then aided in their eternal war of adaptation against the ever ravenous chakra system.
Diminishing returns were the order of the day there, unfortunately, but every little bit helped.
“You will pretend inability to unblock your tenketsu after what you’ve just shown?” Hiashi asked after ten seconds had passed.
“No.” I manipulated the surrounding cells to pull on the pressure point like an iris, dislodging the plug and allowing my own chakra to push it out. “I wanted to see if the existing pressure was enough on its own. Apparently not.” For a single block at least, I’d like to see a Hyuuga try to block Maito Gai’s tenketsu in the middle of Morning Peacock.
Hyuuga Hiashi was obviously wise to the same. “Thank you for your forbearance, Elder Uzumaki.” He glanced from my hand to my face, then to the smiling Hinata and Naruto and back. “It was an interesting meeting.” With a final nod, the Hyuuga Clan leader took his leave.
I watched him go, feeling conflicted. While I appreciated him not losing his mind over juuken being useless on me, I couldn’t be sure he wasn’t plotting blackmail and ruination on the inside. Oh well, I’d just have to deal with things as they come, as usual.
Yamanaka Inoichi and Akimichi Chouza took their turn to talk to me. The former made his greetings and stayed largely silent. The latter asked me if I might consider partnering with them on a new range of frog’s legs recipes. Clearly, I wasn’t the only one who liked the ‘baffle them with bullshit while I pull the other rug from under him’ approach. I politely declined on grounds of sentience but told them I might be willing to share certain family recipes instead, in exchange for a cut of the profits. I was almost disappointed that Inoichi didn’t try any mindgames, literal or otherwise. While I wasn’t going to goad a Yamanaka shinobi into trying to telepathically assault me, I was fairly sure I’d notice and probably give him a bad time. While I didn’t know how their mind techniques worked, I was reasonably confident they were rooted in holonomic brain theory. While I couldn’t speak as to which models were or weren’t pseudoscience, quantum consciousness was definitely a thing in this world. The electric oscillations in the brain's fine-fibered dendritic webs is where I’d finally found the edge of Yang to see the Yin. It was a mess, but a mess I could at least perceive now.
Their visits seemed to work as an unspoken cue, because I was engaged by a bunch more people after that, alone and in groups, most of them Uchiha of varying interests and professions, all of them curious about my flying craft. I was getting a lot of practice reading microexpressions, recognizing tonal inconsistencies and matching scents to emotions with my enhanced sense of smell, though I had to actively refocus on the distant cooking fragrances after the fourth woman that tried to seduce me. There were a whole lot of them too, not all of them single, and some even lusted after me despite all efforts to the contrary. I suppose I should be flattered that so many of them found me attractive.
Since I’m not a homewrecker, I eventually made a tactical retreat to the restroom – unlike my much improved ability to digest and store biomass, my excretory system still had a fluid output comparable to my times pre-refinement. Afterwards, I took my time rejoining the crowd outside. I even met Mikoto Uchiha, who gave me a tour of their personal art gallery and thanked me for bringing Naruto to the party. We had a grand old time skirting the Kyuubi and Naruto parentage ban and she didn’t lust after me even once, thank heavens. She asked if I could bring Naruto over again in the future and I didn’t say no.
When I finally couldn’t justify not returning to the party proper, I made a slow detour by the refreshments table.
Unfortunately (or not?), Nara Shikaku just ‘happened’ to run into me there. “You like living dangerously, don’t you Masanari?”
“I suppose this isn’t about my means of travel.”
“Hyuuga Hiashi is very big on honor, and whatever techniques you invent are your business, but he is just as protective of his family interests, of which the juuken is second only to safeguarding the Byakugan itself. More importantly, the Hyuuga Clan Elders don’t always see the right line to toe as well as he does. There’s a whole laundry list of other things I’d have to say, but I know you’re smart enough to account for all of them, which makes me think you don’t expect those repercussions to apply to you, if not now then soon. You’re planning to leave Konoha, aren’t you?”
Well, either he’s faking his concern, or I really did make a bigger impression on him than I thought. Also, just how little information does he need to guess everyone else’s plans for the future? It wasn’t outside my list of possibilities, but still. “It’s not like I plan to spread the secret to the whole world, and I doubt anyone but me can actually replicate it.”
“Except as a side benefit of whatever else you’re up to that might be transferable, right?”
I looked at him pointedly. I really wasn’t being glib here, I could have used conventional chakra control instead of effectively telling the Head of the Hyuuga Clan that I could no-sell their unbeatable taijutsu. But Shikaku was right, I did plan to leave Konoha soon to become a proper businessman, and with my bodily autonomy and survivability advancing as fast as I could make them, my ability to monetise leverage and counter subterfuge was all that was left to shore up. I wasn’t exactly goading people here, but I also wasn’t likely to have the opportunity to practice counter-espionage skills in such controlled conditions again. Sometimes, you have to go big or go home.
It was the second biggest reason I wasn’t adopting Naruto.
Shikaku sighed. “I suppose I should be glad you’re spacing things out now, instead of breaking the order of things over your knee every other week like when you started out.”
“I’d apologise, but then I’d have to pretend regret over averting the horrifying massacre of everyone here.”
“I don’t suppose I can interest you in a place with T&I? Ibiki insisted I ask.”
“You may as well ask me to swallow knives. I can do it, though I’m not otherwise equipped to put on a magic show at the moment.”
“I’m starting to see why the Hokage can’t stand to talk about you.”
He can’t? “I can hardly come up that often in conversation.”
“You’d be surprised. Then again, maybe not. Have a good one, Masanari, try not to give any other dynasties an existential scare today, hmm? Good job with your kid, he’s a riot.”
Shikaku left me to my thoughts of shinobi politics and little orphaned messiahs that really did deserve more from me than I literally could give.
My plans to leave Konoha were the second biggest reason I wasn’t adopting Naruto. The main biggest reason was the Yin leech. It was eating up all the goodwill and energy I should naturally possess for dealing with even the least insufferable little brats. It felt like a childish ball of attachment and shame even though I didn’t, in fact, have Kurama’s ability to sense emotions. I wish I could say I didn’t have anything to compare it to, but I did. Sometimes, when I got particularly lucky during my examination of the quantum oscillations in my brain, I could glimpse something of my psycho-spiritual history like I could for my physical body, a flash of retrocognition that told me I was right. Twice over, even, there were apparently two leeches at some point, until the second disappeared. It happened on the same day that Naruto almost got me killed in my own basement, which was totally not suspicious at all.
The other leech had been on my other shoulder, incidentally. And its disappearance was followed, oh so conveniently, by me finally dragging myself out of my suicidal depression. The notion of shoulder angels and devils whispering in my ears had never felt so sinister.
I was still inclined to attribute my better mental health to everything else that happened to me after that month of hell, but I couldn’t discount the other possibilities if I wanted to still call myself a scientist. Depression shouldn’t have taken me five bloody years to recover from. I had a stronger spine than that, since well before I began eating geodes and started to play with carbide ceramic ossification and strontium. I was still building my theories about what it meant, what any of it meant, and I still couldn’t perceive or understand the leech properly. All the Yin I should have available to ‘reflect on myself’ was tangled up in the keirakukei instead. My working theory was Yin bestowal gone wrong, though I didn’t like the direction my thoughts took when I pondered it too long.
I closed my eyes and looked inward, into and past neurons and synapses to the quantum effects between my cells. Double layered balls of plasma were theorised to be the cause behind many paranormal mysteries back on the old world. I still doubted it because I still doubted most theories that try to give a single explanation for everything under the sun. But on this world, the issue was actually more muddled because of how many of those phenomena were absent. On the one hand, kaiju and magic. On the other hand, there were no UFOs despite the moon being literally inhabited by human-alien hybrids, no cryptids that weren’t runaway bio-experiments, no angels, demons, no spontaneous spirits and apparitions, no poltergeists, not a single trumpet sound in the sky, no gods despite the strongest techniques being named after them, I couldn’t even be sure what the ‘Shinigami’ really was. There were possessions, but only through chakra techniques tied into some sort of bioengineering mad science. And then you had the ‘King of Hell’ who was literally a brain-dead abomination slaved to whatever autonomous intelligence the Rinnegan came loaded with. In most regards, chakra seemed to have rendered this world poorer in terms of the fantastic, paradoxically enough, even though the cycle of life and afterlife was objectively defective. Or maybe because of it.
Now, though, the more I thought of Kenzo and watched the resulting disruptions and anomalies in my wave interference patterns, the more I had to wonder if maybe ghosts did exist here in some form. When the only way to affect the anomaly was by thinking of my dead son and throwing energy at his inherited trauma, not many possibilities came up. How bad must it have been for it to have cascading effects on those around him? To linger for so long? I wondered what my son must have thought or felt when he died, how long it must have taken him to bleed out in hopeless agony before cerebral death finally found him.
I wondered about other things too. The way the chakra system monopolised the Yin, how it pulled it into itself so tightly, might explain why ninja lost more and more empathy and self-awareness the stronger they became, but could undergo sudden, extremely major character shifts under the right external stimulus. Especially when said stimulus came with a big, permanent donation of Yin from the guy who just died. Or a big enough Yin resonance, like, say, Uzumaki Naruto punching your lights out after smashing apart your entire lifetime of maladaptive core beliefs in a fit of passion.
“Sir, are you well?”
I opened my eyes and looked to my right. Uchiha, regular black hair, black eyes, appearance of a man entering his middle age. “Sorry, I was thinking about something.”
“Quite deeply, it seems.” The man held out a hand. “Uchiha Ruguru, gatekeeper. I would have been there to meet you on arrival, but the Lord Heir wished to greet you himself.”
I shook his hand. Not something I expected to do today, handshakes weren’t the standard Uchiha thing, or even the standard Konoha or Fire Country thing, but it wasn’t entirely unheard of outside deal signings. “Do you push those big gates open yourself?” His hands were callused. Kind of dusty too, more than traces of it stuck to my palm, had he just come off duty? Oh well, more genetic data points for me-
The dust began burrowing into my skin all on its own.
“I’m glad I get to meet you, sir.”
Isolate, analyse, metabolize mitotic offspring to control contaminant spread.
“While I know much of the clan resents that a random civilian had to come in and solve all our problems, there are others who believe that Konoha birthing a man capable of going to such lengths for us is the greatest validation of the Lord Hokage’s Will of Fire philosophy.”
Parasitic spores, foreign chakra, pre-moulded, wave-form oscillations independent of own input, consistent patterns indicative of remote synchrony, genetic footprint dissimilar to skin cells absorbed from vector of delivery, devote mental partition to mentally screaming the word ‘fuck’ two times per second.
“I’ve read your books. The centrefolds with the dummy’s guide to the scientific method were particularly inspired.”
Physical senses indicate negligible divergence from human standard, third eye detects no chakra aberrancies, partial success by anami gestalt to establish resonance, results consistent with non-cellular dual-layer plasma phenomena, DNA of delivery vector is mix of male human phenotypes and plant.
“I was worried I might not get my chance with everyone else imposing on your time, but I have a question I really want to ask you, Doctor, since you’re the only person I expect to back up your words with hard facts.”
The Uchiha Clan was hosting the biggest clan gathering in Konoha, I was separated from the other guests including the score of ninja, Naruto was twenty-three meters away with seven other child hostages, I had just been infested with Zetsu spores, and Uchiha Obito had me by the hand.
“What’s your informed opinion on the ninja way? Has the Hidden Village system truly helped mankind, or are three Great Ninja World Wars in a single generation the best we can ever hope for?”
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Hmm. Does Obito know how thoroughly he’s been parasitized by Zetsu? Because I don’t believe for a second that the spore technique is limited to passive monitoring and combat disruption.
Of course, there’s only so blatant he can be, given that Zetsu is undoubtedly watching through Obito’s senses. This will be ve~ry tricky.
On the other hand, Hanzo now has a new, wildly divergent sample of anami-chakra lifeform to analyze, so that should produce some interesting results.
Typos:
It’s a well-known phenomenon in cognitive science that individuals who understand analytic theory often fail to recognize their utility outside a limited set of applications. Especially when it comes to applying those methods to analyzing their own lives and experiences. I hope that Hanzo can point out this failing to Obito, especially in regards to the Rin situation, in a way that doesn’t cause Obito to try and kill him.
Of course, there’s only so blatant he can be, given that Zetsu is undoubtedly watching through Obito’s senses. This will be ve~ry tricky.
Implications are… both wide-ranging, and deeply concerning, in regards to Zetsu, Hagoromo and Hamura, Kaguya, the Ootsutsuki Clan in general, the Shinju, and a whole lot of other bits.
On the other hand, Hanzo now has a new, wildly divergent sample of anami-chakra lifeform to analyze, so that should produce some interesting results.
Out of curiosity, is there a reason that Hanzo counts his simulations in prime numbers?
Typos:
patted, though that one could work either way
from
the way it normally goes,
Names are the wrong way around
rest; IMHO quite a few bits of the chapter could benefit from a semicolon
plans
Clan
World
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Karmic Acumen
Well-known member
I'd imagine he can feel his insides on that level thanks to the Hashirama cells, so white zetsu wouldn't be able to do anything unnoticed. Black Zetsu fooled Madara into thinking he was his own spawn, comparatively, but he can't do the perfect henge like whites can
The signal the anami are detecting, i.e. the 'wildly diverging' non-anami are the hashirama cells. Them and zetsu are not the same thing, thankfully.
The prime numbers are just a gimmick.
Thanks for the typos.
Makes sense. Theoretically it might be possible for the Zetsu spores to cover up any other influences by manipulating Obito’s perceptions, but the necessary finesse to keep Obito from ever noticing such manipulations would demand an impractical level of constant focus. Any such tricks would have to be subtle, minimal, and long-term; frankly, between Madara’s indoctrination and the Forgotten Individual Curse Tag, there’s no point in Zetsu risking it.
Whew. That downgrades the implications from “terrifying” to “intriguing”. Especially given how the Mokuton could “manipulate, suppress and/or absorb a target’s chakra”. Wood Release could represent a significant step towards an inverse keirakukei, especially if Hanzo’s postulate on the true nature of the Tailed Beasts’ composition is accurate.
I doubt Hanzo can come up with any plausible reason to run into Yamato before he leaves the village, but maybe down the line?
Karmic Acumen
Well-known member
I'd completely forgotten about this, big thanks for mentioning it. Wouldn't want to let any plot holes slip by.
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Yeah, I remembered it from a chapter of a different fic. Not as interesting/fascinating as yours, but pretty fun in its own right. (And has a great solution to the Hyūga kin-slaving issue in the first season, one which the Hokage should really have used in canon.)
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Chapter 11: The Foibles of Moral Relativism
Karmic Acumen
Well-known member
A/N: I finally watched The Last and I wish I didn't. In fact, I wish I didn't so much that I am seriously considering disregarding it completely, like Boruto. I don't know how Studio Pierrot managed it, but everything in that film except the idea of a populated Moon is inconsistent with the Naruto setting, story and characters.
Up next will be another alternate POV chapter.
Chapter 11: The Foibles of Moral Relativism
"-. July 23, 6 ANB .-"
Situation critical, divert fight or flight response to mental simulation, reallocate mental resources to social dynamics modelling, override fear neuromodulators, initiate advance stockpiling of adrenaline, stimulate production of acetylcholine and dopamine and norepinephrine, activate sensory pain receptors, cancel, cross-examine sensory input for abnormalities, illusions not detected, telepathy not detected, hypnosis detected, neutralised, spores isolated, analysed, create inoffensive facsimiles, simulate emissions to give false impression of technique success, metabolize original spores, excise reproduction capabilities from trace remnants, keep for further observation, absorb Hashirama cells, attempt failed, zetsu skin prevents direct contact, assimilate zetsu cells, analyse, metabolise, situation assessed, physical tells obfuscated, time elapsed .42 seconds, what do I do?
Offense was out. It hurt to waste the element of surprise, but having my first fight be against an S-rank supernin was just stupid. Physical hacks aside, all but three of the more overt techniques I'd come up with were still theoretical. Also, Obito didn't travel alone. He certainly wouldn't be dressed up in a perfect Zetsu Substitution if something in the very near vicinity didn't happen to house the original Zetsu. Black and White Zetsu. Tobi. Guruguru. Cheeky little shit chose the gatekeeper for his name, didn't he? Also, he'd go intangible. Not absolutely insurmountable, Obito's technique worked by shifting body parts to the Kamui dimension, yet he still retained sensory input of the outside. Obviously, that meant at least some of his non-physical parts stayed in the real world, meaning he should theoretically be vulnerable to Yin release. Unfortunately, that was the one area where my ability was still complete dogshit. Relatively, anyway.
Infest with Anami? Had potential, but they'd be competing with the Hashirama cells for real estate that was likely already purified, chances of incapacitation were too nebulous, they'd be detected too, even if not detected they'd be absorbed for chakra, I'd need to invade him with my own biomass and keep contact to micromanage or I'd just make him stronger. Grapple. Uchiha Obito. Yeah, no.
For one, looming moment, I seriously considered turning myself into a power circuit. Lightning techniques were increasingly shit at killing people the stronger they got because lethality actually decreases above a certain amperage, but alternating current? 22 milliamps to loosen his grip, 30 for respiratory paralysis, 40 for muscular inhibition, 100 for respiratory block and ventricular fibrillation, exceed 100 and his heart will burst. Chakra reinforcement and grounding would work against me, but I could screw with resistance and voltage all the way up to 200 mA or more just to be sure. I'd feel it but I'd live.
But Uchiha Obito had a little memento from Madara wrapped around his heart that he's just dying to get rid of. And again, there was the matter of his accomplice.
Action plan discerned: dissimulate, defer action and use my Anbu hotline pass later, deescalate.
"So even you don't have an answer."
"Oh no, I definitely do. I'm just surprised, with that heavy lead-up I thought you were going to ask me something hard."
'Ruguru's' hand slackened in surprise, so I took the opportunity to idly drop mine. I carefully didn't sag in relief when he let go.
I looked around. "I'll need someone to verify some numbers for this one. Oy Nara!" I made for Nara Shikaku's direction without waiting to see what Obito would do. "Come on." Yes, come away from the children, that's a good genocidal mass murderer. "You said you wanted hard facts, right?"
"I couldn't possibly impose on the guests." You're imposing on me right now. "Especially during such an occasion. Lord Fugaku doesn't appreciate his time being wasted, or his plans being interfered with." That's some mighty fine projection you got there.
I made sure that my real reaction to his glance in the kids' direction was locked tight inside my mental simulation. "Well that's tough because this is something I've been planning on publishing a study on anyway. Don't worry, it's nothing bad."
"Nothing bad he says," Obito muttered under his breath, then his voice turned mild. "Well, I'm certain it will make a killing."
That's the most terrifying thing I've heard all year. "Chin up, man, or am I blowing your cover?" Obito didn't stiffen, and the me of last year probably wouldn't have seen beyond that, but the me of now did see a minute reaction. "I'm not sure how many of you Uchiha the Chief opened this event to, am I putting you in a tight spot? Are you supposed to be on duty, or…?"
Obito slumped slightly. "In a manner of speaking, but I did bring a special gift just in case."
Could he not speak without sounding completely sinister?
My small hope that Fugaku would find a reason to kick him out proved every bit as vain as I expected. Uchiha Obito knew how to simper his way around upper nobility, I guess it came naturally to someone who had to live with all the consequences of being such a personality outlier from the earliest age. Of course, the dōbuku coat he brought for when Sasuke became an adult won Fugaku over as well. I couldn't even blame the man, it was a very nice gift, especially from a lower-rung in the clan. I wondered if it was the real gatekeeper's family keepsake, and if that meant the man wasn't the only person that had been killed today. But who would ever suspect foul play? Konoha was a meritocracy where initiative tended to be rewarded. Never mind the absurd notion that anyone could sneak into this place, this gathering of elite Sharingan, Byakugan and genius ninja within fire breathing distance.
Beware the nice ones is in full effect, I thought grumpily. "Chief Nara, can I pick your brain for a bit? And any input from your two friends would also be appreciated, I was going to wait until I had finalised my conclusions, but this way I can get the closest thing to your unfiltered input on my findings."
"What findings?"
"The net impact of ninja on mankind."
My words had a ripple effect on everyone in earshot, and most of everyone not in earshot. I considered meandering over to the far side of the pond from the kids, it was where most of the gravelly part was. Doodling things for my audience was a stress reliever, but while that would draw Obito even farther away from the kids, it would also draw most everyone else away too. Which would probably be bad. I had no way to know where Zetsu was, but I could guess.
The myrtle, I thought grimly. Where the best view and hostages are.
I ambled over to draw with a stick in the sandpit instead. This way the ninja would be in range to react if things went to shit. The kids were far on the other side of the tree, chasing toys. To my very grateful surprise, Itachi was with them now too, indulgently listening to Sasuke boasting about his future expertise in piloting unmanned aerial drones of total destruction. The other guests kept a polite distance but all the clan heads came closer. 'Ruguru' looked very believably awkward and out of place among them, but not enough to make him leave grabbing distance.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but by my estimates, let's say with a 5% margin of error, the current total force of shinobi ranked chuunin and above amounts to something like 65,000 ninja for the Five Great Countries."
Nara gave a lazy assent that I acknowledged by rote, though inside I couldn't help feeling irritated at my inability to silently communicate the massive threat in our midst. Shisui had taught me some ninja handsigns, but only for basic friend/foe functionality, and Obito would know them anyway. Situation still critical, crisis management impaired by reactionary behaviour, understanding of involved factors insufficient to comprehensively manage risk, solution: apply cyclical model of reflection to determine feasible options.
"Plus the Land of Iron whose active duty force would be of, say, 15,000 samurai, that would make a total of about 80,000."
Assess situation: Uchiha Obito showed up to Uchiha Sasuke's birthday party two years in advance of the Uchiha Massacre time frame. Ignored other guests. Sought me out specifically to set me up for later incapacitation and abduction. Asked me the only question whose answer might pose a risk to his indoctrinated beliefs, the little shit, this was supposed to be my big diversionary tactic while I went and relocated to where the real business is, where does Obito get off reducing my grand plans to measly stalling tactics?
"If we assume that 15% of them are jonin, rounded down for those that wouldn't be assigned teams, that would mean an additional 36,000 genin. Plus roughly 72,000 washouts that passed the academy graduation but failed their jonin test, causing them to end up in procurement, maintenance and administration or what have you. This adds up to around 180,000 active duty ninja."
Assess location: private clan grounds, open area, minimal cover, overall security compromised to accommodate individual arrangements of visitors, increased individual risk management opportunities, reduced overall risk management options, most weaponry secured outside the party venue, defence and counterattack capabilities impaired in case of decapitation strike, evacuation prospects uncertain, coordination prospects uncertain.
"I've not had the leisure to research the smaller hidden villages, but I'll throw in a conservative estimate of their combined force being around 50% of the total from the Great Five, leading to a total of 300,000 ninjutsu or equivalent users in all the known world."
Assess the people: elite nin are high risk low reward targets, Naruto and clan heirs represent overabundance of easy hostages, elite nin potentially provide several lines of defence to self, Uchiha Itachi is best and only line of defence for children, Uchiha Obito can walk right through every last one them at any time.
"In the very worst case scenario, this would be the absolute highest number of military casualties in a hypothetical Fourth Ninja World War." I scrawled 300,000 in the sand. "The factions would collapse and dissipate well before such numbers are reached, obviously, but this is the worst case scenario."
Examine actions: Published science and lore made my pen name memorable, impact on village politics made my real name memorable, rehabilitation of Uchiha Clan in direct contravention to all Madara-adjacent plans involving eyes and petty vengeance. But I wasn't going to take blame for the actions of evil, and even if I did it wasn't that simple. The Akatsuki were already active, having Konoha's best all in one place opened opportunities elsewhere in the village (Naruto), all the little heirs in one place opened opportunities here (also Naruto), and Tobi was always involved in the Uchiha Massacre not just through direct contact with Itachi, but also, for 'unknown reasons,' with Shimura Danzo. Fact: Shisui is with Kakashi, Anbu, and the Hokage himself somewhere out behind the Hokage Mountain right now
"Civilian casualties are a bit more troublesome, because it's a lot harder to track how many people die from disrupted trade, disasters, assassinations of key businessmen, bank heists, pillaging, sabotage and general collateral damage."
Potential outcomes: abduction, interrogation, torture, death, experimentation. Mine if Obito isn't exposed, potentially. Mine and probably others if Obito is exposed but not subdued successfully. Abduction of Naruto for Akatsuki agenda. Abduction of clan heirs for leverage or trade. Destruction of Uchiha goodwill, Konoha internal strife, potential crippling of Konoha's military structure, unspeakable body horror to degrees depending on whether or not Orochimaru is involved in this somehow as part of Akatsuki or Root. Or both. Or neither.
"That said, by my calculations it takes an average 10 people to afford one shinobi, during wartime when missions dry up and funds are otherwise strategically hoarded. So, if we lump those people as part of the logistics train, that means the potential collateral casualties would be of up to 3,000,000, for a total of 3,300,000 lives." I wrote WW4 Potential Maximum Carnage and 3,300,000 next to it in the sand. "So, rounded up, that's around 0.13% of the combined world population."
"Quite the numbers you got there," Shikaku grunted. "But yeah, it would never get that high, the factions involved would collapse long before then, even if they lose their sanity and refuse to sue for peace."
"Because you're ninja, yes. Based on past wars, the casualty list would likely be at most 80-85,000." I drew in the sand. WW1 – 26,000, WW2 – 40,000, WW3 – 57,000, WW4 – 85,000, the numbers stared up at us judgingly. "That would be around the point where all the elite fighters are removed from play and attrition begins to exceed the factions' ability to retain gains."
Establish goal: freedom above all, survival, for self, for nephew, for hosts, for fellow guests, discouraging subsequent attempts is secondary, neutralising Obito a long-term third.
"Now, I assume that I don't need to go into war causes and how it doesn't take ninja to start one, or something silly like that."
Shikaku threw me a sharp glance, so did Hiashi, but my eyes were on 'Ruguru' so I saw the moment his sheepish act faltered. I almost missed it before he returned to being distressingly credible, but I'd seen it. "I'll defer to your better judgment, doctor."
And because I'd seen it, it could very well mean the opposite.
Action plan updated: deescalate, deescalate, deescalate.
"Now imagine if there weren't ninja. You're the daimyo and your military is made up of regular people. What's more, the bulk of those troops have been too busy contributing to the economy to join anything resembling a professional military organisation. This means force of arms is capped at whatever a normal civilian can do. Even with the best conditioning and a cheap and easily trainable theoretical weapon capable of replicating, say, an elemental gun technique, the cost for one soldier would still be ten people. Except none of them are capable of killing a hundred or thousand people by themselves anymore, the troops all have parity. The numbers skew a bit in theoretical scenarios where bigger, heavier weapons are invented using conventional technology, but the scale does not compare. So you don't have 300,000 ninja with a 3 million-strong logistics train, you have three million troops each with their own requirement for at least 10 additional people. So the full military muster would be of around 33,000,000. Pretty bad, right?"
There some manner of silence that I couldn't judge reliably. Ninja were pretty inscrutable when they were too wary of making assumptions about what I said, which seemed to be most of the time now. I drew 33,000,000 in the sand.
"But then I realised that I also needed to adjust these number for attrition. Because you don't have elites that can carry the entire war through anymore, no medical ninjutsu, no storage scrolls, no treetop travel, no super stealth that can enable major objectives to be destroyed behind enemy lines and cut years off the conflict, nothing. Just a dozen or two million boys languishing in trenches, falling by the tens of thousands to mad charges and typhus and gangrene and starvation from logistical failures the entire time." Clawing their eyes out as chlorine gas burned their lungs and melted their faces off. "I took the liberty of running some numbers. I don't have the materials on hand, but they will, of course, be available when I publish my findings. I won't speculate on how a theoretical Fourth War might look like. But I did manage to figure out a fair approximation of the casualty numbers for the prior three."
I drove the stick into the sand and wrote.
WW1 – 26,000 -> 26,000,000
WW2 – 40,000 -> 40,000,000
WW3 – 57,000 -> 57,000,000
There had been dead silence before, but this one was even deeper, and its flavour was somehow entirely different.
As well it should be. It wasn't quite the 85 million of World War II on Old Earth, but that number was perfectly on point with the Fourth War and its 80,000+ active troops I'd seen play out in technicolor in another life.
I hesitated to turn around, lest I find more condescending scepticism than consideration, never mind what Obito might do. I wouldn't blame them if they did, it was, quite frankly, an incredible contrast. Especially when you considered that the total world's population, by my estimate, was lower during WWI here than it was during WW1 on the Old Earth, but had since grown to exceed the Old Earth's population of WW2. It was around 2.5 billion right now, by my most conservative estimates. Forget baby boomers, those huge savings on virile young men led to some good, uninterrupted population growth even during the wars, and there was no shortage of labour either. It was enough to make up for the world still lacking cars, somehow. Or trains. The ships were pretty shit too, god, how the hell am I going to find the time to fix everything?
Still, I'd like to think I've acquired some credibility by now.
I looked at the children, being as casual as I could about having the myrtle tree in my sight. They were engrossed in watching Sasuke finally pilot his helicopter off the ground for the first time. I weighed the risk of being noticed versus the potential benefits of a new experiment. Deciding to risk it, I sent the Anami a set of new commands, ran a couple hundred simulations to figure out the right process, then replicated the radar-like function of Hiashi's Byakugan as best I could with my own bioenergy. My brain took a bit to figure out how to translate the returning echoes, and I certainly wouldn't achieve anything resembling sight-like precision without a few good days to refine the technique, but for a first try it was an extremely valuable proof of concept.
I didn't find shit.
Either I'm wrong about Obito not acting alone, or Zetsu is literally invisible.
Fact: the white zetsu predate Kaguya's sealing, which means they predate Hagoromo Ootsutsuki giving chakra to mankind, which means Zetsu… doesn't have a chakra pathway system. Fact: every white zetsu is a former human. Fact: the Shinju works by mutating native species into bizarre plant zombies despite the material and energy cost involved. Inference: the Shinju requires the mutations for something. Fact: humans naturally possess organs for connecting to the collisionless sheath of the planet (natural energy), though lack of use and misuse leads to calcification (senjutsu petrification writ small). Inference: it stands to reason that the zetsus' true role is to syphon up the real prize – natural energy. Fact: Kabuto needed Yamato's Hashirama cells to give white zetsu strength worth a damn, suggesting that zetsu biology is incapable of accumulating power, perhaps explicitly designed to only absorb and deliver it onwards. Which made sense, whatever upgrade options you kept in reserve for a hypothetical war against future invaders, you didn't want your power batteries to be able to escape before then, never mind defend themselves. Conclusion: Zetsu doesn't have chakra, he directly manipulates what trace amounts of natural energy exist in his body at any given time. Observation: natural energy is undetectable to everyone but sages.
Alternative hypothesis: Zetsu is the result of humans changed to better feed the Shinju with Yang energy, which would have the same effect on the Byakugan as the Anami – he absorbs it. Addendum: depending on what Zetsu uses to cast techniques, and whatever weird shapeshifting thing he does to merge with rocks and earth and random trees, any chakra system or equivalent could be so weak and dispersed as to be undetectable to radar-like systems anyway. The fact that Obito had to play delivery boy for his spores probably meant Zetsu wasn't right beneath me, but that still didn't preclude him being nearby.
Tentative conclusion: all the above are true and I just wasted all my time on trying to do the impossible because the universe is an asshole.
…
No.
Nothing is impossible, I couldn't conflate pathos with logos and still call myself a scientist, I lacked experimental evidence for whether this was a case of inadequate tools or inadequate use of existing tools. Unless zetsu possessed some ridiculous ability to generate false signals and actively alter the feedback for every single sensor technique under the sun, constantly, automatically and unknowingly, his technique should still be a passive form of camouflage. For the Byakugan, he would have to be absorbing energy so that he didn't show up among everything else being picked up. Reflecting nothing as opposed to all the signals returning to the Byakugan from around and behind him. Forget not seeing the forest from the trees, it was about not seeing trees from the forest.
… Adjust experimental parameters, limit distance of scan to just within range of the myrtle's bark, loop procedure, gradually increase range, observe anomalies for every millimetre of added depth, deviations in reflected energy imagery will disprove null hypothesis – found you!
As ever, I was completely right about everything.
Fuck my life.
Finally, I turned to face my audience.
They looked… astounded, almost. Disbelieving. Shocked, even. But not of me. Not even of my numbers. They were shocked to learn their entire way of life might not, in fact, be inherently evil. Huh. I wasn't going to complain about them having self-awareness though. It was ironic, that the people responsible for 85% of all murders in the world were also the ones responsible for that total being just 0.1% of the murders that would have happened if they never existed. But by the same token…
Konoha's shinobi have a surprisingly unflattering view towards their chosen way of life. It was actually kind of ridiculous, blaming yourself for everything bad in the world was just self-importance, so was the belief that you're the only one who can solve everything. I mean, look at me, I could make nukes, but why the hell would I do that? Shinobi were infinitely more charming weapons of mass destruction, and they were also susceptible to autonomy and morality. The number of shinobi with morals superior to those of the nobility and other figures of influence was historically much higher than the number of backstabbing basement dwellers.
At least they weren't dismissing my research out of hand, what a wonderful consolation prize in face of death and ruination-
"That's it?" 'Ruguru' was not looking pleased. At all. "Forgive me for being blunt, sir, but your best answer to the world's greatest philosophical question is a bunch of zeroes?"
You'd almost think the omnicidal maniac didn't want to consider that the ninja world might not be unambiguously evil. Never mind better than the alternative. Which it was. "Of course not, there's much that can't be reduced to mathematics, problems to iron out of the system. 'The system is still young' isn't going to last as an excuse much longer. Prejudice, exploitation, slavery, forcing you own family into slavery – that's a big one – and we can't forget about the whole 'child soldiers' thing of course." I shrugged as mildly as I could without meaning it. "Personally I'm almost as annoyed with the ridiculously askew technology levels, but you asked me specifically to show how the Hidden Village model has impacted mankind, so that's what I did."
"How can you speak so lightly of-"
"Mind your words Ruguru," Fugaku intervened, looking very displeased. "I have tolerated your imposition at my sufferance. Do not think that extends to my guests."
"Of course, Lord Fugaku, I apologise," Obito said falsely. "You're right, it's pointless to discuss this further. The good Doctor here is correct. Even just by the ideals that Senju Hashirama sought to achieve by creating this village, Konohagakure has failed in every meaningful way."
I should've brought my spanking cane.
"That's enough, Ruguru!"
I mean, Naruto never forced me to use it but it clearly has a role to play in this world.
"On the contrary, Fugaku, your clansman makes a fair point," Hiashi disagreed, walking imperiously to join Obito in looking at me severely, Uchiha and Hyuuga standing side by side, united in purpose to screw over all my efforts to deescalate this situation, fuck them both very much. "I, too, would appreciate clarification as to what the good Doctor is insinuating."
This is because I keep doing things out of order, isn't it? Garage before the car, motorcycle before the bicycle, aircraft before a measly car, the most ridiculous superpower hacks without even a paltry training montage, this was the universe's vengeance, wasn't it? You'd think this world's weird technology and geopolitical dynamics meant the cosmos would appreciate me staying on theme, but apparently not. The universe was so up to its eyeballs in ass-backwards, it was bending over sideways to set me up for mutually assured destruction against the dumbest simp in the world.
Not that I was full of myself or anything.
"Ethos, logos, pathos." Being able to understand all three was basic rhetoric, being unable to comprehend more than one was mental deficiency, but refusing to acknowledge logos when practically spoonfed was just sad. "I acknowledge that you have honoured me by not dismissing my words out of hand, but I believe facts stand just fine on their own. As for the last, I'm afraid there are certain practices, familial or not, that I will never view anything else than contemptible." I met Hiashi's white eyes squarely because no, I didn't approve of him and his. "The Cycle of Hatred isn't driven by vengeance, but by the pettiness of the incompetent and mean-spirited."
'Ruguru' twitched.
"Such a bold thing to say." Hiashi didn't overtly react at all, not even a microexpression out of place. "You are directly challenging the views of our greatest philosophers, you realize. Lord Hashirama, Lord Third, Jiraiya of the Sannin, even the Fourth Hokage himself."
This is the turning point in my life where I'm supposed to compromise on my very factual principles to appease the petty and mean-spirited, isn't it? Yeah, no. "I will not go back on my words." Not unless they're factually disproven, obviously.
… Huh. I thought my lifetime's milestone would be at least a bit paradigm-shifting.
Note to self, double check that Naruto understands the proper difference between honour and pig-headedness.
"I see." Hiashi pulled his hands from his sleeves. "Then there is but one last thing I have to say." The Hyuuga clan chief dismissively turned away with a dramatic whirl of his robe. "You are within the range of my divination: Eight Trigrams Two Hundred and Fifty-Six Palms!"
"URK!"
I gaped.
"Two palms!"
"HURK-HN!"
"Four palms!"
"HN-GHA-AH-AGH!"
"Eight palms, sixteen Palms, thirty-two palms, sixty-four palms, one-hundred and twenty-eight palms, two hundred and fifty-six palms!"
I watched in shock as Hyuuga Hiashi gentle fisted Uchiha Obito two hundred and fifty-six times in just 2.56 seconds.
When-what-how-
Crash!
Uchiha Obito flew by me so close that he ruffled my impeccably groomed beard before he smashed hard into the ground and rolled to a stop in a twitching heap.
"What-WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS, HIASHI!?" Fugaku thundered from the very edge of the fifteen meter-wide area that everyone but me had suddenly vacated.
Yes, Hyuuga-san, explain to me this utter bullshit, what the hell is the Weirding Way doing in this universe, how does this qualify as an eye power, what even are doujutsu anymore, it's completely – Ying-Yang release space-time taijutsu!? Hyuuga-san, explain! Explain!
"I will freely admit your disguise is perfect."
… Oh.
"Even my Byakugan was completely fooled."
Oh no.
"There is no warping indicative of a disguise ninjutsu, your features and you chakra are certainly Uchiha, and even your affectations are on point, I dare say they may well be your natural mannerisms. However, your control of your microexpressions is not as precise, in particular when it comes to your gaze."
Oh no no no no no, Yemo, I need you!
"Your left eye does not consistently match mood and words. I've seen such incongruence before, but only in individuals that have lost one."
Suspend mental simulations, divert cognitive resources to homeostasis maintenance, consolidate autonomous cell functions, consolidate anami gestalt, insulate against chakra pathway system predation, occlude, descend into the earth, extend underground towards principal, plasmodial slime configuration.
"Since this village was created, only eleven Uchiha Shinobi with awakened Sharingan were ever reported missing in action. Three were women, two were in their middle age by the time of the Fourth's election, retrieval missions accounted for three more, and one vanished at sea. That leaves two names."
Close Gate of Death, close emitting tenketsu, release adrenaline stockpiles, suspend mental inhibitions.
"Of the last two, one was never retrieved, and the other had his Sharingan missing. It would not be impossible that a foreign infiltrator would be foolish enough to think they could steal their way into this place using stolen Sharingan. But there is no divergence between your eye chakra and the rest, and it is a chakra I see quite regularly in this village, albeit in a man who is not Uchiha at all. Isn't that right, Uchiha Obito?"
Open all Gates!
Uchiha Obito's laughter was drowned out by the boom of my sudden departure.
The air exploded, the myrtle lost half its trunk as I punched through it, zetsu flew screaming amidst chunks of wood from the tree and the roots that had suddenly burst from the ground ahead of me in a bid to ensnare the children.
"U-uncle!" Naruto cried in shock as a vine managed to yank him off by his foot and away just barely before my charge was prematurely halted by the furrow I dug in the ground.
I came to a stop just in time to shield Hyuuga Hinata from a spear of wood with my gut.
C-close gates, re-open tenketsu, don't shut pain down completely, f-fact: I haven't figured out whatever bullshit lets ninja yank the pedestrian and unconscious around at super speeds without inertia snapping their necks.
"Hahahahaha," Uchiha Obito cackled from everywhere and nowhere as the zetsu shell collapsed inwards where he had fallen, hollow and deformed.
"Kiba!" "What the-" "Chouji!" "Who is-?" "Hinata!"
A sudden motion, then Uchiha Itachi was standing just outside the apparent range of Zetsu's technique with Sasuke and Ino behind him
"Look at yourselves, oh proud shinobi. Just when the least among you is about to prevail through words where all prior action failed, you go and snatch defeat from the jaws of victory in the eleventh hour." The shaken parents snapped out of their shock and ignored Obito's monologue in favour of extracting the other children. All but one. "And now you lie abandoned, Sir Hanzo, you see? This is why this world cannot survive."
I glared at the masked ninja sitting on a terrified Naruto with kunai at his neck and a foot on top of his head. Beside him, the surviving two thirds of Black-and-White Zetsu painfully righted themselves and sent me a glare. The pain in my gut grew. I grit my teeth, grabbing tight with bloody hands onto the timber digging into my muscles.
Initiate mokuton analysis.
"Nobody move or the kyuubi brat gets it."
New action plan discerned: assisted suicide.
Up next will be another alternate POV chapter.
Chapter 11: The Foibles of Moral Relativism
"-. July 23, 6 ANB .-"
Offense was out. It hurt to waste the element of surprise, but having my first fight be against an S-rank supernin was just stupid. Physical hacks aside, all but three of the more overt techniques I'd come up with were still theoretical. Also, Obito didn't travel alone. He certainly wouldn't be dressed up in a perfect Zetsu Substitution if something in the very near vicinity didn't happen to house the original Zetsu. Black and White Zetsu. Tobi. Guruguru. Cheeky little shit chose the gatekeeper for his name, didn't he? Also, he'd go intangible. Not absolutely insurmountable, Obito's technique worked by shifting body parts to the Kamui dimension, yet he still retained sensory input of the outside. Obviously, that meant at least some of his non-physical parts stayed in the real world, meaning he should theoretically be vulnerable to Yin release. Unfortunately, that was the one area where my ability was still complete dogshit. Relatively, anyway.
Infest with Anami? Had potential, but they'd be competing with the Hashirama cells for real estate that was likely already purified, chances of incapacitation were too nebulous, they'd be detected too, even if not detected they'd be absorbed for chakra, I'd need to invade him with my own biomass and keep contact to micromanage or I'd just make him stronger. Grapple. Uchiha Obito. Yeah, no.
For one, looming moment, I seriously considered turning myself into a power circuit. Lightning techniques were increasingly shit at killing people the stronger they got because lethality actually decreases above a certain amperage, but alternating current? 22 milliamps to loosen his grip, 30 for respiratory paralysis, 40 for muscular inhibition, 100 for respiratory block and ventricular fibrillation, exceed 100 and his heart will burst. Chakra reinforcement and grounding would work against me, but I could screw with resistance and voltage all the way up to 200 mA or more just to be sure. I'd feel it but I'd live.
But Uchiha Obito had a little memento from Madara wrapped around his heart that he's just dying to get rid of. And again, there was the matter of his accomplice.
Action plan discerned: dissimulate, defer action and use my Anbu hotline pass later, deescalate.
"So even you don't have an answer."
"Oh no, I definitely do. I'm just surprised, with that heavy lead-up I thought you were going to ask me something hard."
'Ruguru's' hand slackened in surprise, so I took the opportunity to idly drop mine. I carefully didn't sag in relief when he let go.
I looked around. "I'll need someone to verify some numbers for this one. Oy Nara!" I made for Nara Shikaku's direction without waiting to see what Obito would do. "Come on." Yes, come away from the children, that's a good genocidal mass murderer. "You said you wanted hard facts, right?"
"I couldn't possibly impose on the guests." You're imposing on me right now. "Especially during such an occasion. Lord Fugaku doesn't appreciate his time being wasted, or his plans being interfered with." That's some mighty fine projection you got there.
I made sure that my real reaction to his glance in the kids' direction was locked tight inside my mental simulation. "Well that's tough because this is something I've been planning on publishing a study on anyway. Don't worry, it's nothing bad."
"Nothing bad he says," Obito muttered under his breath, then his voice turned mild. "Well, I'm certain it will make a killing."
That's the most terrifying thing I've heard all year. "Chin up, man, or am I blowing your cover?" Obito didn't stiffen, and the me of last year probably wouldn't have seen beyond that, but the me of now did see a minute reaction. "I'm not sure how many of you Uchiha the Chief opened this event to, am I putting you in a tight spot? Are you supposed to be on duty, or…?"
Obito slumped slightly. "In a manner of speaking, but I did bring a special gift just in case."
Could he not speak without sounding completely sinister?
My small hope that Fugaku would find a reason to kick him out proved every bit as vain as I expected. Uchiha Obito knew how to simper his way around upper nobility, I guess it came naturally to someone who had to live with all the consequences of being such a personality outlier from the earliest age. Of course, the dōbuku coat he brought for when Sasuke became an adult won Fugaku over as well. I couldn't even blame the man, it was a very nice gift, especially from a lower-rung in the clan. I wondered if it was the real gatekeeper's family keepsake, and if that meant the man wasn't the only person that had been killed today. But who would ever suspect foul play? Konoha was a meritocracy where initiative tended to be rewarded. Never mind the absurd notion that anyone could sneak into this place, this gathering of elite Sharingan, Byakugan and genius ninja within fire breathing distance.
Beware the nice ones is in full effect, I thought grumpily. "Chief Nara, can I pick your brain for a bit? And any input from your two friends would also be appreciated, I was going to wait until I had finalised my conclusions, but this way I can get the closest thing to your unfiltered input on my findings."
"What findings?"
"The net impact of ninja on mankind."
My words had a ripple effect on everyone in earshot, and most of everyone not in earshot. I considered meandering over to the far side of the pond from the kids, it was where most of the gravelly part was. Doodling things for my audience was a stress reliever, but while that would draw Obito even farther away from the kids, it would also draw most everyone else away too. Which would probably be bad. I had no way to know where Zetsu was, but I could guess.
The myrtle, I thought grimly. Where the best view and hostages are.
I ambled over to draw with a stick in the sandpit instead. This way the ninja would be in range to react if things went to shit. The kids were far on the other side of the tree, chasing toys. To my very grateful surprise, Itachi was with them now too, indulgently listening to Sasuke boasting about his future expertise in piloting unmanned aerial drones of total destruction. The other guests kept a polite distance but all the clan heads came closer. 'Ruguru' looked very believably awkward and out of place among them, but not enough to make him leave grabbing distance.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but by my estimates, let's say with a 5% margin of error, the current total force of shinobi ranked chuunin and above amounts to something like 65,000 ninja for the Five Great Countries."
Nara gave a lazy assent that I acknowledged by rote, though inside I couldn't help feeling irritated at my inability to silently communicate the massive threat in our midst. Shisui had taught me some ninja handsigns, but only for basic friend/foe functionality, and Obito would know them anyway. Situation still critical, crisis management impaired by reactionary behaviour, understanding of involved factors insufficient to comprehensively manage risk, solution: apply cyclical model of reflection to determine feasible options.
"Plus the Land of Iron whose active duty force would be of, say, 15,000 samurai, that would make a total of about 80,000."
Assess situation: Uchiha Obito showed up to Uchiha Sasuke's birthday party two years in advance of the Uchiha Massacre time frame. Ignored other guests. Sought me out specifically to set me up for later incapacitation and abduction. Asked me the only question whose answer might pose a risk to his indoctrinated beliefs, the little shit, this was supposed to be my big diversionary tactic while I went and relocated to where the real business is, where does Obito get off reducing my grand plans to measly stalling tactics?
"If we assume that 15% of them are jonin, rounded down for those that wouldn't be assigned teams, that would mean an additional 36,000 genin. Plus roughly 72,000 washouts that passed the academy graduation but failed their jonin test, causing them to end up in procurement, maintenance and administration or what have you. This adds up to around 180,000 active duty ninja."
Assess location: private clan grounds, open area, minimal cover, overall security compromised to accommodate individual arrangements of visitors, increased individual risk management opportunities, reduced overall risk management options, most weaponry secured outside the party venue, defence and counterattack capabilities impaired in case of decapitation strike, evacuation prospects uncertain, coordination prospects uncertain.
"I've not had the leisure to research the smaller hidden villages, but I'll throw in a conservative estimate of their combined force being around 50% of the total from the Great Five, leading to a total of 300,000 ninjutsu or equivalent users in all the known world."
Assess the people: elite nin are high risk low reward targets, Naruto and clan heirs represent overabundance of easy hostages, elite nin potentially provide several lines of defence to self, Uchiha Itachi is best and only line of defence for children, Uchiha Obito can walk right through every last one them at any time.
"In the very worst case scenario, this would be the absolute highest number of military casualties in a hypothetical Fourth Ninja World War." I scrawled 300,000 in the sand. "The factions would collapse and dissipate well before such numbers are reached, obviously, but this is the worst case scenario."
Examine actions: Published science and lore made my pen name memorable, impact on village politics made my real name memorable, rehabilitation of Uchiha Clan in direct contravention to all Madara-adjacent plans involving eyes and petty vengeance. But I wasn't going to take blame for the actions of evil, and even if I did it wasn't that simple. The Akatsuki were already active, having Konoha's best all in one place opened opportunities elsewhere in the village (Naruto), all the little heirs in one place opened opportunities here (also Naruto), and Tobi was always involved in the Uchiha Massacre not just through direct contact with Itachi, but also, for 'unknown reasons,' with Shimura Danzo. Fact: Shisui is with Kakashi, Anbu, and the Hokage himself somewhere out behind the Hokage Mountain right now
"Civilian casualties are a bit more troublesome, because it's a lot harder to track how many people die from disrupted trade, disasters, assassinations of key businessmen, bank heists, pillaging, sabotage and general collateral damage."
Potential outcomes: abduction, interrogation, torture, death, experimentation. Mine if Obito isn't exposed, potentially. Mine and probably others if Obito is exposed but not subdued successfully. Abduction of Naruto for Akatsuki agenda. Abduction of clan heirs for leverage or trade. Destruction of Uchiha goodwill, Konoha internal strife, potential crippling of Konoha's military structure, unspeakable body horror to degrees depending on whether or not Orochimaru is involved in this somehow as part of Akatsuki or Root. Or both. Or neither.
"That said, by my calculations it takes an average 10 people to afford one shinobi, during wartime when missions dry up and funds are otherwise strategically hoarded. So, if we lump those people as part of the logistics train, that means the potential collateral casualties would be of up to 3,000,000, for a total of 3,300,000 lives." I wrote WW4 Potential Maximum Carnage and 3,300,000 next to it in the sand. "So, rounded up, that's around 0.13% of the combined world population."
"Quite the numbers you got there," Shikaku grunted. "But yeah, it would never get that high, the factions involved would collapse long before then, even if they lose their sanity and refuse to sue for peace."
"Because you're ninja, yes. Based on past wars, the casualty list would likely be at most 80-85,000." I drew in the sand. WW1 – 26,000, WW2 – 40,000, WW3 – 57,000, WW4 – 85,000, the numbers stared up at us judgingly. "That would be around the point where all the elite fighters are removed from play and attrition begins to exceed the factions' ability to retain gains."
Establish goal: freedom above all, survival, for self, for nephew, for hosts, for fellow guests, discouraging subsequent attempts is secondary, neutralising Obito a long-term third.
"Now, I assume that I don't need to go into war causes and how it doesn't take ninja to start one, or something silly like that."
Shikaku threw me a sharp glance, so did Hiashi, but my eyes were on 'Ruguru' so I saw the moment his sheepish act faltered. I almost missed it before he returned to being distressingly credible, but I'd seen it. "I'll defer to your better judgment, doctor."
And because I'd seen it, it could very well mean the opposite.
Action plan updated: deescalate, deescalate, deescalate.
"Now imagine if there weren't ninja. You're the daimyo and your military is made up of regular people. What's more, the bulk of those troops have been too busy contributing to the economy to join anything resembling a professional military organisation. This means force of arms is capped at whatever a normal civilian can do. Even with the best conditioning and a cheap and easily trainable theoretical weapon capable of replicating, say, an elemental gun technique, the cost for one soldier would still be ten people. Except none of them are capable of killing a hundred or thousand people by themselves anymore, the troops all have parity. The numbers skew a bit in theoretical scenarios where bigger, heavier weapons are invented using conventional technology, but the scale does not compare. So you don't have 300,000 ninja with a 3 million-strong logistics train, you have three million troops each with their own requirement for at least 10 additional people. So the full military muster would be of around 33,000,000. Pretty bad, right?"
There some manner of silence that I couldn't judge reliably. Ninja were pretty inscrutable when they were too wary of making assumptions about what I said, which seemed to be most of the time now. I drew 33,000,000 in the sand.
"But then I realised that I also needed to adjust these number for attrition. Because you don't have elites that can carry the entire war through anymore, no medical ninjutsu, no storage scrolls, no treetop travel, no super stealth that can enable major objectives to be destroyed behind enemy lines and cut years off the conflict, nothing. Just a dozen or two million boys languishing in trenches, falling by the tens of thousands to mad charges and typhus and gangrene and starvation from logistical failures the entire time." Clawing their eyes out as chlorine gas burned their lungs and melted their faces off. "I took the liberty of running some numbers. I don't have the materials on hand, but they will, of course, be available when I publish my findings. I won't speculate on how a theoretical Fourth War might look like. But I did manage to figure out a fair approximation of the casualty numbers for the prior three."
I drove the stick into the sand and wrote.
WW1 – 26,000 -> 26,000,000
WW2 – 40,000 -> 40,000,000
WW3 – 57,000 -> 57,000,000
There had been dead silence before, but this one was even deeper, and its flavour was somehow entirely different.
As well it should be. It wasn't quite the 85 million of World War II on Old Earth, but that number was perfectly on point with the Fourth War and its 80,000+ active troops I'd seen play out in technicolor in another life.
I hesitated to turn around, lest I find more condescending scepticism than consideration, never mind what Obito might do. I wouldn't blame them if they did, it was, quite frankly, an incredible contrast. Especially when you considered that the total world's population, by my estimate, was lower during WWI here than it was during WW1 on the Old Earth, but had since grown to exceed the Old Earth's population of WW2. It was around 2.5 billion right now, by my most conservative estimates. Forget baby boomers, those huge savings on virile young men led to some good, uninterrupted population growth even during the wars, and there was no shortage of labour either. It was enough to make up for the world still lacking cars, somehow. Or trains. The ships were pretty shit too, god, how the hell am I going to find the time to fix everything?
Still, I'd like to think I've acquired some credibility by now.
I looked at the children, being as casual as I could about having the myrtle tree in my sight. They were engrossed in watching Sasuke finally pilot his helicopter off the ground for the first time. I weighed the risk of being noticed versus the potential benefits of a new experiment. Deciding to risk it, I sent the Anami a set of new commands, ran a couple hundred simulations to figure out the right process, then replicated the radar-like function of Hiashi's Byakugan as best I could with my own bioenergy. My brain took a bit to figure out how to translate the returning echoes, and I certainly wouldn't achieve anything resembling sight-like precision without a few good days to refine the technique, but for a first try it was an extremely valuable proof of concept.
I didn't find shit.
Either I'm wrong about Obito not acting alone, or Zetsu is literally invisible.
Fact: the white zetsu predate Kaguya's sealing, which means they predate Hagoromo Ootsutsuki giving chakra to mankind, which means Zetsu… doesn't have a chakra pathway system. Fact: every white zetsu is a former human. Fact: the Shinju works by mutating native species into bizarre plant zombies despite the material and energy cost involved. Inference: the Shinju requires the mutations for something. Fact: humans naturally possess organs for connecting to the collisionless sheath of the planet (natural energy), though lack of use and misuse leads to calcification (senjutsu petrification writ small). Inference: it stands to reason that the zetsus' true role is to syphon up the real prize – natural energy. Fact: Kabuto needed Yamato's Hashirama cells to give white zetsu strength worth a damn, suggesting that zetsu biology is incapable of accumulating power, perhaps explicitly designed to only absorb and deliver it onwards. Which made sense, whatever upgrade options you kept in reserve for a hypothetical war against future invaders, you didn't want your power batteries to be able to escape before then, never mind defend themselves. Conclusion: Zetsu doesn't have chakra, he directly manipulates what trace amounts of natural energy exist in his body at any given time. Observation: natural energy is undetectable to everyone but sages.
Alternative hypothesis: Zetsu is the result of humans changed to better feed the Shinju with Yang energy, which would have the same effect on the Byakugan as the Anami – he absorbs it. Addendum: depending on what Zetsu uses to cast techniques, and whatever weird shapeshifting thing he does to merge with rocks and earth and random trees, any chakra system or equivalent could be so weak and dispersed as to be undetectable to radar-like systems anyway. The fact that Obito had to play delivery boy for his spores probably meant Zetsu wasn't right beneath me, but that still didn't preclude him being nearby.
Tentative conclusion: all the above are true and I just wasted all my time on trying to do the impossible because the universe is an asshole.
…
No.
Nothing is impossible, I couldn't conflate pathos with logos and still call myself a scientist, I lacked experimental evidence for whether this was a case of inadequate tools or inadequate use of existing tools. Unless zetsu possessed some ridiculous ability to generate false signals and actively alter the feedback for every single sensor technique under the sun, constantly, automatically and unknowingly, his technique should still be a passive form of camouflage. For the Byakugan, he would have to be absorbing energy so that he didn't show up among everything else being picked up. Reflecting nothing as opposed to all the signals returning to the Byakugan from around and behind him. Forget not seeing the forest from the trees, it was about not seeing trees from the forest.
… Adjust experimental parameters, limit distance of scan to just within range of the myrtle's bark, loop procedure, gradually increase range, observe anomalies for every millimetre of added depth, deviations in reflected energy imagery will disprove null hypothesis – found you!
As ever, I was completely right about everything.
Fuck my life.
Finally, I turned to face my audience.
They looked… astounded, almost. Disbelieving. Shocked, even. But not of me. Not even of my numbers. They were shocked to learn their entire way of life might not, in fact, be inherently evil. Huh. I wasn't going to complain about them having self-awareness though. It was ironic, that the people responsible for 85% of all murders in the world were also the ones responsible for that total being just 0.1% of the murders that would have happened if they never existed. But by the same token…
Konoha's shinobi have a surprisingly unflattering view towards their chosen way of life. It was actually kind of ridiculous, blaming yourself for everything bad in the world was just self-importance, so was the belief that you're the only one who can solve everything. I mean, look at me, I could make nukes, but why the hell would I do that? Shinobi were infinitely more charming weapons of mass destruction, and they were also susceptible to autonomy and morality. The number of shinobi with morals superior to those of the nobility and other figures of influence was historically much higher than the number of backstabbing basement dwellers.
At least they weren't dismissing my research out of hand, what a wonderful consolation prize in face of death and ruination-
"That's it?" 'Ruguru' was not looking pleased. At all. "Forgive me for being blunt, sir, but your best answer to the world's greatest philosophical question is a bunch of zeroes?"
You'd almost think the omnicidal maniac didn't want to consider that the ninja world might not be unambiguously evil. Never mind better than the alternative. Which it was. "Of course not, there's much that can't be reduced to mathematics, problems to iron out of the system. 'The system is still young' isn't going to last as an excuse much longer. Prejudice, exploitation, slavery, forcing you own family into slavery – that's a big one – and we can't forget about the whole 'child soldiers' thing of course." I shrugged as mildly as I could without meaning it. "Personally I'm almost as annoyed with the ridiculously askew technology levels, but you asked me specifically to show how the Hidden Village model has impacted mankind, so that's what I did."
"How can you speak so lightly of-"
"Mind your words Ruguru," Fugaku intervened, looking very displeased. "I have tolerated your imposition at my sufferance. Do not think that extends to my guests."
"Of course, Lord Fugaku, I apologise," Obito said falsely. "You're right, it's pointless to discuss this further. The good Doctor here is correct. Even just by the ideals that Senju Hashirama sought to achieve by creating this village, Konohagakure has failed in every meaningful way."
I should've brought my spanking cane.
"That's enough, Ruguru!"
I mean, Naruto never forced me to use it but it clearly has a role to play in this world.
"On the contrary, Fugaku, your clansman makes a fair point," Hiashi disagreed, walking imperiously to join Obito in looking at me severely, Uchiha and Hyuuga standing side by side, united in purpose to screw over all my efforts to deescalate this situation, fuck them both very much. "I, too, would appreciate clarification as to what the good Doctor is insinuating."
This is because I keep doing things out of order, isn't it? Garage before the car, motorcycle before the bicycle, aircraft before a measly car, the most ridiculous superpower hacks without even a paltry training montage, this was the universe's vengeance, wasn't it? You'd think this world's weird technology and geopolitical dynamics meant the cosmos would appreciate me staying on theme, but apparently not. The universe was so up to its eyeballs in ass-backwards, it was bending over sideways to set me up for mutually assured destruction against the dumbest simp in the world.
Not that I was full of myself or anything.
"Ethos, logos, pathos." Being able to understand all three was basic rhetoric, being unable to comprehend more than one was mental deficiency, but refusing to acknowledge logos when practically spoonfed was just sad. "I acknowledge that you have honoured me by not dismissing my words out of hand, but I believe facts stand just fine on their own. As for the last, I'm afraid there are certain practices, familial or not, that I will never view anything else than contemptible." I met Hiashi's white eyes squarely because no, I didn't approve of him and his. "The Cycle of Hatred isn't driven by vengeance, but by the pettiness of the incompetent and mean-spirited."
'Ruguru' twitched.
"Such a bold thing to say." Hiashi didn't overtly react at all, not even a microexpression out of place. "You are directly challenging the views of our greatest philosophers, you realize. Lord Hashirama, Lord Third, Jiraiya of the Sannin, even the Fourth Hokage himself."
This is the turning point in my life where I'm supposed to compromise on my very factual principles to appease the petty and mean-spirited, isn't it? Yeah, no. "I will not go back on my words." Not unless they're factually disproven, obviously.
… Huh. I thought my lifetime's milestone would be at least a bit paradigm-shifting.
Note to self, double check that Naruto understands the proper difference between honour and pig-headedness.
"I see." Hiashi pulled his hands from his sleeves. "Then there is but one last thing I have to say." The Hyuuga clan chief dismissively turned away with a dramatic whirl of his robe. "You are within the range of my divination: Eight Trigrams Two Hundred and Fifty-Six Palms!"
"URK!"
I gaped.
"Two palms!"
"HURK-HN!"
"Four palms!"
"HN-GHA-AH-AGH!"
"Eight palms, sixteen Palms, thirty-two palms, sixty-four palms, one-hundred and twenty-eight palms, two hundred and fifty-six palms!"
I watched in shock as Hyuuga Hiashi gentle fisted Uchiha Obito two hundred and fifty-six times in just 2.56 seconds.
When-what-how-
Crash!
Uchiha Obito flew by me so close that he ruffled my impeccably groomed beard before he smashed hard into the ground and rolled to a stop in a twitching heap.
"What-WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS, HIASHI!?" Fugaku thundered from the very edge of the fifteen meter-wide area that everyone but me had suddenly vacated.
Yes, Hyuuga-san, explain to me this utter bullshit, what the hell is the Weirding Way doing in this universe, how does this qualify as an eye power, what even are doujutsu anymore, it's completely – Ying-Yang release space-time taijutsu!? Hyuuga-san, explain! Explain!
"I will freely admit your disguise is perfect."
… Oh.
"Even my Byakugan was completely fooled."
Oh no.
"There is no warping indicative of a disguise ninjutsu, your features and you chakra are certainly Uchiha, and even your affectations are on point, I dare say they may well be your natural mannerisms. However, your control of your microexpressions is not as precise, in particular when it comes to your gaze."
Oh no no no no no, Yemo, I need you!
"Your left eye does not consistently match mood and words. I've seen such incongruence before, but only in individuals that have lost one."
Suspend mental simulations, divert cognitive resources to homeostasis maintenance, consolidate autonomous cell functions, consolidate anami gestalt, insulate against chakra pathway system predation, occlude, descend into the earth, extend underground towards principal, plasmodial slime configuration.
"Since this village was created, only eleven Uchiha Shinobi with awakened Sharingan were ever reported missing in action. Three were women, two were in their middle age by the time of the Fourth's election, retrieval missions accounted for three more, and one vanished at sea. That leaves two names."
Close Gate of Death, close emitting tenketsu, release adrenaline stockpiles, suspend mental inhibitions.
"Of the last two, one was never retrieved, and the other had his Sharingan missing. It would not be impossible that a foreign infiltrator would be foolish enough to think they could steal their way into this place using stolen Sharingan. But there is no divergence between your eye chakra and the rest, and it is a chakra I see quite regularly in this village, albeit in a man who is not Uchiha at all. Isn't that right, Uchiha Obito?"
Open all Gates!
Uchiha Obito's laughter was drowned out by the boom of my sudden departure.
The air exploded, the myrtle lost half its trunk as I punched through it, zetsu flew screaming amidst chunks of wood from the tree and the roots that had suddenly burst from the ground ahead of me in a bid to ensnare the children.
"U-uncle!" Naruto cried in shock as a vine managed to yank him off by his foot and away just barely before my charge was prematurely halted by the furrow I dug in the ground.
I came to a stop just in time to shield Hyuuga Hinata from a spear of wood with my gut.
C-close gates, re-open tenketsu, don't shut pain down completely, f-fact: I haven't figured out whatever bullshit lets ninja yank the pedestrian and unconscious around at super speeds without inertia snapping their necks.
"Hahahahaha," Uchiha Obito cackled from everywhere and nowhere as the zetsu shell collapsed inwards where he had fallen, hollow and deformed.
"Kiba!" "What the-" "Chouji!" "Who is-?" "Hinata!"
A sudden motion, then Uchiha Itachi was standing just outside the apparent range of Zetsu's technique with Sasuke and Ino behind him
"Look at yourselves, oh proud shinobi. Just when the least among you is about to prevail through words where all prior action failed, you go and snatch defeat from the jaws of victory in the eleventh hour." The shaken parents snapped out of their shock and ignored Obito's monologue in favour of extracting the other children. All but one. "And now you lie abandoned, Sir Hanzo, you see? This is why this world cannot survive."
I glared at the masked ninja sitting on a terrified Naruto with kunai at his neck and a foot on top of his head. Beside him, the surviving two thirds of Black-and-White Zetsu painfully righted themselves and sent me a glare. The pain in my gut grew. I grit my teeth, grabbing tight with bloody hands onto the timber digging into my muscles.
Initiate mokuton analysis.
"Nobody move or the kyuubi brat gets it."
New action plan discerned: assisted suicide.
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Wow, yet another great chapter. Perfect vector for attacking Obito’s beliefs. I'm leaving my more detailed thoughts over on QQ, but I just wanted to leave this here:
I am fully expecting Gama-Chan to lose patience with the Bad Man hurting her Best Spider-Feeding Boy with a Pointy Thing and deliver a surprise Flying Toad Kick straight to Obito's smug face, at which point everything goes up for grabs.
Chapter 12: The Grit of the Sublimely Accomplished (I)
Karmic Acumen
Well-known member
Informational: Since a surprising number of people have asked, yes I do have Patreon and Subscribestar accounts. However, experience has taught me that I don't have the sort of relationship with my muse that lets me do the 'publish chapters ahead of time' thing on the regular. I certainly appreciate support as well as the next guy, but you won't lose out on any fanfic if you don't go there. Unless I change my mind anyway. Now, my original stuff might be different if enough people join me there.
Incidentally, I've also been playing around with AI Art (NightCafe). So check it out if that's your thing.
A/N: I'm starting to feel the creative burnout out on this one, and I've also had guests for a fair while this month, plus some work stuff that finally came in, so progress on this has been really slow. This is just half of this alternate POV chapter, with the second part meant to be from another PoV (three guesses who) but I don't think it'll do anyone good if I don't push it out as is. Hopefully it provides certain insights into what led to the current mess.
Chapter 12: The Grit of the Sublimely Accomplished
(I)
"-. Shimura Danzo, Commander of the ROOT Foundation .-"
"-. July 23, 6 ANB .-"
Days of grand events were simultaneously the best and worst times to carry out sensitive operations. This once, however, the pretenders to power had made the mistake of giving him time to specially tailor his contingencies. His co-conspirators may believe they were on equal footing, but they were wrong despite how daunting their techniques and self-aggrandising their ambitions. Orochimaru did well in creating his new arm and the Sharingan implantations, but his service did not suffice to elevate his goals above childish dreams, less so in skirting the limits of a double agent by presuming to pit his two masters against each other. The world of the shinobi was filled with a myriad of techniques, but you could not compete with might alone. One could not settle for just mastering the various techniques, one had to go beyond even the powers of ninjutsu to unite the shinobi world. The new Akatsuki ostensibly agreed with that principle, but their methods were bold and crude, and so their shadowy leader – for all that he pretended otherwise – would either prove their bluff empty or earn the universal enmity that even S-rank shinobi could not withstand for long. His technique was troublesome, but a jutsu known was a jutsu half-way to being neutered.
Danzo admittedly still lacked a method for developing a counter, but such were the risks when the original time frame got upended by a chaos agent. And even the commoner ultimately served his part in distracting from Root's true activities. Every resource and shinobi and time wasted on protecting him from Danzo's non-existent retaliation was one factor removed from play. He mourned the previous board which would have allowed him to isolate the Uchiha clan and eliminate them with few to no consequences to the other shinobi bloodlines. But the Sharingan was already a greater price to pay than any of the others, so he would not balk at the added costs of securing Konoha's preeminence.
By the end of the day, the Uchiha would learn that propaganda wasn't enough to earn a place in Konoha, the other clans would be too outraged – and distracted – to associate with them any further, the commoner would finally be off the board one way or another, and Danzo would deniably be in possession of the leaders of the next generation, whose own families could no longer be relied upon to instil the principles on which Konoha's future depended. Even Hiruzen had succumbed to the call of pretentious idealism, their former teammates mindlessly following along in his wake. And so it fell to Danzo to make the best of what little time he had left. Time to plan, to misdirect, to set up every contingency needed to finally excise Konoha of Tobirama-sensei's mistake.
Then the Compliant Golden-Hooped Rod smashed through the ceiling and straight through Danzo's chest.
CRUNCH.
What-where-why-?
Darkness claimed hi-
"I-Izanagi."
The genjutsu restored Danzo to life just as Sarutobi Hiruzen landed amidst dust and smoke on the debris that had once been the ceiling.
What is he doing here? He should be in his office, fretting over his crystal ball!
"So, you managed to dodge it."
No I didn't, Danzo thought with shock he didn't show as he stumbled to his feet behind his destroyed desk. Hiruzen was clad in his black war attire, spun the Adamantine Staff to a ready position behind him and did not seem wise to his attack's success. Did he not witness the Izanagi? If so, he still had the element of surpri-the Staff grew tenfold right in his face!
CLANG
"Cease!" Danzo strafed and deflected it with a kunai. "Hiruzen, what are you-?" Danzo whirled around to stab at the sound of a thousand chirping birds-
Hatake ducked beneath his swing and drove the palm wreathed in the Lightning Cutter straight through his heart.
Izanagi!
Danzo revived three meters back and just barely managed to dodge out of the way of the Adamantine Staff when it made to gore him a third time. If he hadn't chosen to keep one of his arm braces unsealed today just in case… "What is the meaning of this, Hiruzen?!" How had he found out, what did he know, how had he made it so close without-
"Sir, there is Uchiha chakra in his bandaged eye socket and two more in his arm," Owl reported as he dropped behind the Third. "The latter faded to nearly nothing each time he was struck, but the chakra in his arm is also strange, and I cannot see the rest of it."
Danzo grimly jumped with his back to the corner and tried to keep both Hiruzen and his Anbu in his sights as best he could.
"So you likely have more, and each will result in the same perfect regeneration – no, reversal, some manner of technique encroaching on the bounds of Yin-Yang release." Sarutobi instantly deduced the secrets of his trump card with complete nonchalance. "And given the gold I glimpsed under your sleeve but cannot sense even with Umino's echolocation, I'm guessing you're wearing sealing braces to prevent chakra drain. How fast can you get them off, I wonder?" Danzo felt a chill go down his spine. "I hope you didn't think I believed you all the times you reported finding our missing Uchiha already eyeless, Danzo. I suppose it was too much to hope that you would be less troublesome in death than you were in life. Enma."
The Adamantine Staff suddenly extended downward straight through the floor.
CRASH.
The floor caved in. The paralysis seal Danzo had nearly finished charging was rendered to so much refuse. Danzo landed on his feet but had to dodge debris for his life – windstylegreatbreakthrough!
Owl narrowly failed to reach him with his Gentle Fist before the wall of wind blasted him backwards, Badger was nearly bisected by Danzo's wind-coated kunai, and then Hatake nearly got him with the Raikiri again if not for Danzo ducking and blocking at just the last minute, freeing himself of one of the braces instead. "Wind Style Shuriken!"
Hatake dodged the worst of it, but not all, not enough to avoid slowing down.
Danzo made it through the trap door and then finally his Root agents got between him and the attackers, allowing him to think instead of react as he continued running deeper into the bowels of his base. How did Hiruzen find out, he wondered, mind racing as he fumbled at his last arm brace as best he could on the move, they were by necessity thick and ungainly. My silence seals are full proof, and my Anbu plants would have-
The corridor tried to bite him.
He was able to counter the earth technique with wind just enough to smash through, only to stumble on the wet floor beyond. Curses! The pipes were bursting all around him, he could hear them – "Water Style: Water Formation Wall!" He burst the pipes closest to him and formed his defense just as the water shark bust in his path from around the corner. Activate demolition seal! The floor ahead split and collapsed, and Danzo managed to run under and beyond the clashing water jutsu with just inches to spare.
Activating the demolition seal in the ceiling of the next section closed off the hallway behind him. Cracks rumbled through it immediately – Hiruzen's earth technique, how close was he?! – but Danzo could not afford to pay it more mind. The part of his base he was heading to lacked plumbing by design. He didn't resort to mutually assured destruction lightly, but his best agents were away to insinuate themselves among the Anbu around the Uchiha grounds in preparation of framing Akatsuki for the bloodshed and heir abductions, so he had no choice.
He reached the fork in tunnels and made a split-second decision.
The corpse room is too risky. Torune had nowhere near the control he needed for the Jar of Poison jutsu yet. More importantly, most of the seal defences had been lowered in preparation of adding the corpses from today's operation. A confrontation there would spell disaster. If the Rinkaichu escape, even Izanagi might not be enough.
He turned left and rushed to the store of poisons instead, discarding his last arm braces in his sprint.
He burst into the chamber to the sight of the interior in complete disarray, the lighting system defective, and the one jar of Torune's bottled poison cloud technique nowhere to be found.
He barely had time to wonder how Hiruzen had known to secure this place before the floor caved in and Danzo fell down into the bottom-most training arena. What? Impossible, Hiruzen is too much of a bleeding heart to destroy that room when – unless he doesn't know what is inside!
He landed on his feet in the great hall of proving. Hiruzen can't have known what was – what should have been in there, Danzo thought dimly as he blew the dust away with a wind technique. The poison dust would have spread to the entire level if the phial shattered, he'd never have risked breaking the containers in that chamber. This is too sloppy.
Danzo's frustration finally escaped his control. He let loose his glare, though he didn't know where Hiruzen was in the darkness. His chakra went out in a wave, but unlike other times it went unchallenged. Hiruzen wasn't here to posture this time. Danzo sensed no shinobi nearby, and he was not rattled enough to think anyone besides Hiruzen could hide so effectively. "If this is because of that damned civilian, all your conviction is misplaced."
"Oh no, I'd hope my Anbu would at least be competent enough to know if you took any further steps. Though just for curiosity's sake, was he correct to suspect your Root of sabotaging his furniture?"
"No." Danzo said truthfully. His agent had layered a decay seal unto the wall, but never activated it. The accident with the Uzumaki boy should not have happened, it surely was the doing of the fox, the seal needed checking, and it wasn't just his own bias saying so. Doctor Hirano was appropriately loyal and knew not to speak of classified information, but that was nothing that midnight drugs and genjutsu couldn't sidestep. A realisation swept over him then. If he doesn't know any of this, perhaps there are other things he doesn't know. "Though I am certainly beginning to regret my restraint."
"Funny you should mention restraint," Hiruzen said, not sounding amused in the least.
What is he stalling for, damn him? And damn me for needing the time just as much. "I have never done less than obey the Hokage's commands to the letter."
"Indeed, you never disobeyed my commands, none that I didn't explicitly warn you against, perhaps, you just trampled the spirit of my rule whenever you could."
Hiruzen's voice sounded casual, as if the man was waking alongside him instead of bringing down his entire base down around him in a tide of destruction nipping at his heels. Danzo ignored it, though, in favour of the much more meaningful realisation that came over him. Hiruzen isn't this sloppy, which means he didn't know what was in that room.
"Do you know why I've let so much slide, Danzo?" Hiruzen's voice came from everywhere and nowehere.
Danzo's mind reeled under the next realisation. The only way Hiruzen would have risked the collateral damage is if he didn't know what was there. My security wasn't compromised. The realisation should have been emboldening, but instead Danzo just felt a chill. And if my security wasn't compromised, that means Hiruzen didn't know my base's layout when he attacked. What else doesn't he know? And if he doesn't, why attack now at all?
"You're the one who helped Orochimaru with his experiments. You're the one who abducted the children and then used him as a scapegoat. Do you have his tongue sealed like the rest of these children? You stole Konoha's brightest for decades and I let it go. You sidelined the Uchiha during the Kyuubi attack and I let it go. You tried to stage a coup and I let it go. You tried to have me assassinated and I let it go. How much else did you do to undermine this Village? How much did you do to undermine me? How many snakes did you spread among the leaves? How many stakes did you drive between me and my most trusted? How much sin is enough?"
A speech? Here? Now? Hiruzen would never waste time unless he felt there was no urgency elsewhere. Yet here he was, and he had his best Anbu with him wreaking havoc instead of out on counter-action. He… he doesn't know what I've planned – he doesn't know about today's operation!
"All this time, I've been acting in the interest of my survival, because there is no one capable of leading and protecting Konoha if I die. There's no one to preserve the peace between the nations if I die. That's what I told myself. I have to survive, I told myself. I just have to survive until the next Minato emerges from the next generation. The status quo we have right now is the best state the world has ever been in, preserving it is the best I could hope for, I told myself."
He doesn't know about today's operation, Danzo realized with a shiver of disbelief. This was worse than anything he'd ever imagined. The most important event of their age, all ruined because Hiruzen decided now of all times to grow a conscience. Two black ops organisations conducting sensitive operations involving the same objectives without being aware of each other's activities. Two conflicting agendas clashing over the same objective without either side knowing about each other.
Danzo had never faced a worse disaster.
"I was going to wait until the next generation produced a worthy successor to finally do away with you and this disease you've inflicted on our village and the world, Congratulations, Danzo. You've successfully convinced me that it's worth risking all of that to remove you now."
Danzo finally snapped. "I've convinced you of nothing! The moment you succumbed to that commoner's pretentious idealism was just the last straw! The only thing you've fallen prey to is your own bleeding heart. That is the only thing undermining this village!"
"Not the village. Just its seedy underbelly. Just you. Though you're right that my bleeding heart paved the way. Intercepting my own order to the Uchiha during the Kyuubi attack was high treason. I should have killed you the moment the Kyuubi was resealed."
Danzo scoffed. "You will sing their praises? Do you have any idea how much trouble those Uchiha cause me? How much of my manpower I have to waste cleaning up their messes and retrieving their eyes before our enemies do?"
"You will stand there and pretend it was not self-interest? Really?"
Mockery. It made Danzo grit his teeth. Hiruzen had never mocked him. He'd never dared. "Tobirama-sensei should never have made you Hokage. As always, it falls to me to fix his mistakes."
"Don't be ridiculous, your way of fixing sensei's mistakes reached its expiration date twenty years ago, it is the fatal weakness of any clandestine faction with high turnover, everyone knows that."
"You dare throw that commoner's words in my face!" Everyone knows that, everyone knows that, everyone knows - Danzo crushed his doubts with practices ease, then sneered derisively, that was truly the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard. "Surely even you cannot be so foolish, Hiruzen! Everything Hashirama achieved was in spite of his own beliefs! The crisis today is rooted in his unilateral actions. Tobirama-sensei is the only reason his brother's foolishness did not end Konoha the moment he was gone! Like him, I will use unilateral action to fix his mess. I loved our sensei every bit as much as you, Hiruzen, but he was wrong." Wrong to let Hashirama walk over him, wrong to show the Uchiha clemency after Madara's tantrum, wrong to make you Hoka-
"In that we agree."
What?
"It is clear, at this point, that I have lost the Will of Fire."
Danzo gaped. "What did you just-"
"You've shown me my folly quite thoroughly, Danzo. I have no more hope for my students. There is no point waiting for Kakashi when he has plateaued. Itachi, too, would take too long. I cannot afford to wait anymore Enma."
"Wind Release Vacuum Serial Waves!"
Danzo's counterattack collapsed the entire far side of the chamber, but he still almost failed to bring his kunai up to intercept the Adamantine staff as it came down upon his head.
"Shimura Danzo. For treason against Konoha, I sentence you to death."
"I can't let you do this, Hiruzen!" Danzo grunted but managed to hold the staff at bay. "Even if it claims my life, I cannot let you drag Konoha any further down this path!"
"Better no path than yours."
"Hahaha, indeed!" Danzo's outrage finally boiled over in derisive laughter. "All your life you've tried and failed to walk the path sensei laid out for you, and now that you've failed, you're going to turn away from everything you once believed in because of some… some civilian?! All this clemency, do you not know he plans to leave Konoha, spitting in your face, will you allow him that as well?!"
"Yes."
Danzo reeled the hardest he ever had, shocked. "Then you are truly lost!" Danzo jumped back and quickly ran through the handseals he didn't think he'd ever need. "Seal Release!"
The world shook as the self-destruction seal on the base was suddenly activated-
CLANG
Danzo barely managed to block the Adamantine Staff from extending forth right through his head. He'd barely had enough time to wonder about the best way to flee before Hiruzen stopped- before he- "You fool, you would still brawl? In mere minutes this base will come down around both our heads!"
"That's fine. Today, for one last time, I too shall risk my life!"
Danzo's eyes widened. "Y-you would rather we both die than let me flee?"
Finally, Hiruzen's grim gaze thawed. "Danzo, Danzo, Danzo. Don't flatter yourself."
"What-"
"Katon: Karyū Endan!" "Futon: Renkuudan!" "Suiton: Suiryudan!" "Doton: Doryudan!" "Raiton: Rairyū no Tatsumaki!"
Shadow clones! "Earth Wall, Water Formation Wall, Wind S-URK- Iz-!" IZANAGI!
Danzo rematerialized-
SHING-CRACK-CRACK-CRACK-CRUNCH- "HUGH!"
Danzo barely evaded the first five replicas of the Adamantine Staff and nearly lost his Sharingan arm to the sixth. He chose to take it in his chest instead, feeling it crush his ribs and lung and heart, his spine shattering as he di– I-izanagi!
Danzo rematerialized as far away as he could from the origin of the staff, panting heavily, clutching at his arm as another Sharingan closed forever. I need a Byakugan, Danzo thought, reeling. I need to be able to revive past obstacles, if I could rematerialize in another room-
"Congratulations, Danzo. You've finally got what you wanted. All that time of wanting to drag me into the same darkness as you, you've finally succeeded. You've turned me to your way of thinking. I've decided to do as you do and ignore all decency, all common sense, disregard the letter of the law entirely. After all, I am the Hokage. I am the law. And the law says you must be neutralized for the good of Konoha and all other people and places in this world that need the light to thrive. Today, I will finally excise Konoha of Tobirama-sensei's mistake."
Danzo recoiled. The world rumbled. Rocks and dust and debris fell all around them. "Hgh!" Danzo grabbed his forearm. The Hashirama cells writhed against his will, pressing and vicious. "Those are not your words to say!"
"The opinions of traitors are irrelevant."
With a snarl of rage, Danzo charged in, kunai giving way to tanto coated in razor wind. Where had the poison gone? Where were his reserve troops? Where was Oroochimaru?! "Underestimating me will be your last mistake!"
Hiruzen blocked his charge completely and knocked him aside, face grim as the staff multiplied around him, once, twice, nine, eighteen times. "Then we shall both die as ninja should, alone in the dark!"
Incidentally, I've also been playing around with AI Art (NightCafe). So check it out if that's your thing.
A/N: I'm starting to feel the creative burnout out on this one, and I've also had guests for a fair while this month, plus some work stuff that finally came in, so progress on this has been really slow. This is just half of this alternate POV chapter, with the second part meant to be from another PoV (three guesses who) but I don't think it'll do anyone good if I don't push it out as is. Hopefully it provides certain insights into what led to the current mess.
Chapter 12: The Grit of the Sublimely Accomplished
(I)
"-. Shimura Danzo, Commander of the ROOT Foundation .-"
"-. July 23, 6 ANB .-"
Danzo admittedly still lacked a method for developing a counter, but such were the risks when the original time frame got upended by a chaos agent. And even the commoner ultimately served his part in distracting from Root's true activities. Every resource and shinobi and time wasted on protecting him from Danzo's non-existent retaliation was one factor removed from play. He mourned the previous board which would have allowed him to isolate the Uchiha clan and eliminate them with few to no consequences to the other shinobi bloodlines. But the Sharingan was already a greater price to pay than any of the others, so he would not balk at the added costs of securing Konoha's preeminence.
By the end of the day, the Uchiha would learn that propaganda wasn't enough to earn a place in Konoha, the other clans would be too outraged – and distracted – to associate with them any further, the commoner would finally be off the board one way or another, and Danzo would deniably be in possession of the leaders of the next generation, whose own families could no longer be relied upon to instil the principles on which Konoha's future depended. Even Hiruzen had succumbed to the call of pretentious idealism, their former teammates mindlessly following along in his wake. And so it fell to Danzo to make the best of what little time he had left. Time to plan, to misdirect, to set up every contingency needed to finally excise Konoha of Tobirama-sensei's mistake.
Then the Compliant Golden-Hooped Rod smashed through the ceiling and straight through Danzo's chest.
CRUNCH.
What-where-why-?
Darkness claimed hi-
"I-Izanagi."
The genjutsu restored Danzo to life just as Sarutobi Hiruzen landed amidst dust and smoke on the debris that had once been the ceiling.
What is he doing here? He should be in his office, fretting over his crystal ball!
"So, you managed to dodge it."
No I didn't, Danzo thought with shock he didn't show as he stumbled to his feet behind his destroyed desk. Hiruzen was clad in his black war attire, spun the Adamantine Staff to a ready position behind him and did not seem wise to his attack's success. Did he not witness the Izanagi? If so, he still had the element of surpri-the Staff grew tenfold right in his face!
CLANG
"Cease!" Danzo strafed and deflected it with a kunai. "Hiruzen, what are you-?" Danzo whirled around to stab at the sound of a thousand chirping birds-
Hatake ducked beneath his swing and drove the palm wreathed in the Lightning Cutter straight through his heart.
Izanagi!
Danzo revived three meters back and just barely managed to dodge out of the way of the Adamantine Staff when it made to gore him a third time. If he hadn't chosen to keep one of his arm braces unsealed today just in case… "What is the meaning of this, Hiruzen?!" How had he found out, what did he know, how had he made it so close without-
"Sir, there is Uchiha chakra in his bandaged eye socket and two more in his arm," Owl reported as he dropped behind the Third. "The latter faded to nearly nothing each time he was struck, but the chakra in his arm is also strange, and I cannot see the rest of it."
Danzo grimly jumped with his back to the corner and tried to keep both Hiruzen and his Anbu in his sights as best he could.
"So you likely have more, and each will result in the same perfect regeneration – no, reversal, some manner of technique encroaching on the bounds of Yin-Yang release." Sarutobi instantly deduced the secrets of his trump card with complete nonchalance. "And given the gold I glimpsed under your sleeve but cannot sense even with Umino's echolocation, I'm guessing you're wearing sealing braces to prevent chakra drain. How fast can you get them off, I wonder?" Danzo felt a chill go down his spine. "I hope you didn't think I believed you all the times you reported finding our missing Uchiha already eyeless, Danzo. I suppose it was too much to hope that you would be less troublesome in death than you were in life. Enma."
The Adamantine Staff suddenly extended downward straight through the floor.
CRASH.
The floor caved in. The paralysis seal Danzo had nearly finished charging was rendered to so much refuse. Danzo landed on his feet but had to dodge debris for his life – windstylegreatbreakthrough!
Owl narrowly failed to reach him with his Gentle Fist before the wall of wind blasted him backwards, Badger was nearly bisected by Danzo's wind-coated kunai, and then Hatake nearly got him with the Raikiri again if not for Danzo ducking and blocking at just the last minute, freeing himself of one of the braces instead. "Wind Style Shuriken!"
Hatake dodged the worst of it, but not all, not enough to avoid slowing down.
Danzo made it through the trap door and then finally his Root agents got between him and the attackers, allowing him to think instead of react as he continued running deeper into the bowels of his base. How did Hiruzen find out, he wondered, mind racing as he fumbled at his last arm brace as best he could on the move, they were by necessity thick and ungainly. My silence seals are full proof, and my Anbu plants would have-
The corridor tried to bite him.
He was able to counter the earth technique with wind just enough to smash through, only to stumble on the wet floor beyond. Curses! The pipes were bursting all around him, he could hear them – "Water Style: Water Formation Wall!" He burst the pipes closest to him and formed his defense just as the water shark bust in his path from around the corner. Activate demolition seal! The floor ahead split and collapsed, and Danzo managed to run under and beyond the clashing water jutsu with just inches to spare.
Activating the demolition seal in the ceiling of the next section closed off the hallway behind him. Cracks rumbled through it immediately – Hiruzen's earth technique, how close was he?! – but Danzo could not afford to pay it more mind. The part of his base he was heading to lacked plumbing by design. He didn't resort to mutually assured destruction lightly, but his best agents were away to insinuate themselves among the Anbu around the Uchiha grounds in preparation of framing Akatsuki for the bloodshed and heir abductions, so he had no choice.
He reached the fork in tunnels and made a split-second decision.
The corpse room is too risky. Torune had nowhere near the control he needed for the Jar of Poison jutsu yet. More importantly, most of the seal defences had been lowered in preparation of adding the corpses from today's operation. A confrontation there would spell disaster. If the Rinkaichu escape, even Izanagi might not be enough.
He turned left and rushed to the store of poisons instead, discarding his last arm braces in his sprint.
He burst into the chamber to the sight of the interior in complete disarray, the lighting system defective, and the one jar of Torune's bottled poison cloud technique nowhere to be found.
He barely had time to wonder how Hiruzen had known to secure this place before the floor caved in and Danzo fell down into the bottom-most training arena. What? Impossible, Hiruzen is too much of a bleeding heart to destroy that room when – unless he doesn't know what is inside!
He landed on his feet in the great hall of proving. Hiruzen can't have known what was – what should have been in there, Danzo thought dimly as he blew the dust away with a wind technique. The poison dust would have spread to the entire level if the phial shattered, he'd never have risked breaking the containers in that chamber. This is too sloppy.
Danzo's frustration finally escaped his control. He let loose his glare, though he didn't know where Hiruzen was in the darkness. His chakra went out in a wave, but unlike other times it went unchallenged. Hiruzen wasn't here to posture this time. Danzo sensed no shinobi nearby, and he was not rattled enough to think anyone besides Hiruzen could hide so effectively. "If this is because of that damned civilian, all your conviction is misplaced."
"Oh no, I'd hope my Anbu would at least be competent enough to know if you took any further steps. Though just for curiosity's sake, was he correct to suspect your Root of sabotaging his furniture?"
"No." Danzo said truthfully. His agent had layered a decay seal unto the wall, but never activated it. The accident with the Uzumaki boy should not have happened, it surely was the doing of the fox, the seal needed checking, and it wasn't just his own bias saying so. Doctor Hirano was appropriately loyal and knew not to speak of classified information, but that was nothing that midnight drugs and genjutsu couldn't sidestep. A realisation swept over him then. If he doesn't know any of this, perhaps there are other things he doesn't know. "Though I am certainly beginning to regret my restraint."
"Funny you should mention restraint," Hiruzen said, not sounding amused in the least.
What is he stalling for, damn him? And damn me for needing the time just as much. "I have never done less than obey the Hokage's commands to the letter."
"Indeed, you never disobeyed my commands, none that I didn't explicitly warn you against, perhaps, you just trampled the spirit of my rule whenever you could."
Hiruzen's voice sounded casual, as if the man was waking alongside him instead of bringing down his entire base down around him in a tide of destruction nipping at his heels. Danzo ignored it, though, in favour of the much more meaningful realisation that came over him. Hiruzen isn't this sloppy, which means he didn't know what was in that room.
"Do you know why I've let so much slide, Danzo?" Hiruzen's voice came from everywhere and nowehere.
Danzo's mind reeled under the next realisation. The only way Hiruzen would have risked the collateral damage is if he didn't know what was there. My security wasn't compromised. The realisation should have been emboldening, but instead Danzo just felt a chill. And if my security wasn't compromised, that means Hiruzen didn't know my base's layout when he attacked. What else doesn't he know? And if he doesn't, why attack now at all?
"You're the one who helped Orochimaru with his experiments. You're the one who abducted the children and then used him as a scapegoat. Do you have his tongue sealed like the rest of these children? You stole Konoha's brightest for decades and I let it go. You sidelined the Uchiha during the Kyuubi attack and I let it go. You tried to stage a coup and I let it go. You tried to have me assassinated and I let it go. How much else did you do to undermine this Village? How much did you do to undermine me? How many snakes did you spread among the leaves? How many stakes did you drive between me and my most trusted? How much sin is enough?"
A speech? Here? Now? Hiruzen would never waste time unless he felt there was no urgency elsewhere. Yet here he was, and he had his best Anbu with him wreaking havoc instead of out on counter-action. He… he doesn't know what I've planned – he doesn't know about today's operation!
"All this time, I've been acting in the interest of my survival, because there is no one capable of leading and protecting Konoha if I die. There's no one to preserve the peace between the nations if I die. That's what I told myself. I have to survive, I told myself. I just have to survive until the next Minato emerges from the next generation. The status quo we have right now is the best state the world has ever been in, preserving it is the best I could hope for, I told myself."
He doesn't know about today's operation, Danzo realized with a shiver of disbelief. This was worse than anything he'd ever imagined. The most important event of their age, all ruined because Hiruzen decided now of all times to grow a conscience. Two black ops organisations conducting sensitive operations involving the same objectives without being aware of each other's activities. Two conflicting agendas clashing over the same objective without either side knowing about each other.
Danzo had never faced a worse disaster.
"I was going to wait until the next generation produced a worthy successor to finally do away with you and this disease you've inflicted on our village and the world, Congratulations, Danzo. You've successfully convinced me that it's worth risking all of that to remove you now."
Danzo finally snapped. "I've convinced you of nothing! The moment you succumbed to that commoner's pretentious idealism was just the last straw! The only thing you've fallen prey to is your own bleeding heart. That is the only thing undermining this village!"
"Not the village. Just its seedy underbelly. Just you. Though you're right that my bleeding heart paved the way. Intercepting my own order to the Uchiha during the Kyuubi attack was high treason. I should have killed you the moment the Kyuubi was resealed."
Danzo scoffed. "You will sing their praises? Do you have any idea how much trouble those Uchiha cause me? How much of my manpower I have to waste cleaning up their messes and retrieving their eyes before our enemies do?"
"You will stand there and pretend it was not self-interest? Really?"
Mockery. It made Danzo grit his teeth. Hiruzen had never mocked him. He'd never dared. "Tobirama-sensei should never have made you Hokage. As always, it falls to me to fix his mistakes."
"Don't be ridiculous, your way of fixing sensei's mistakes reached its expiration date twenty years ago, it is the fatal weakness of any clandestine faction with high turnover, everyone knows that."
"You dare throw that commoner's words in my face!" Everyone knows that, everyone knows that, everyone knows - Danzo crushed his doubts with practices ease, then sneered derisively, that was truly the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard. "Surely even you cannot be so foolish, Hiruzen! Everything Hashirama achieved was in spite of his own beliefs! The crisis today is rooted in his unilateral actions. Tobirama-sensei is the only reason his brother's foolishness did not end Konoha the moment he was gone! Like him, I will use unilateral action to fix his mess. I loved our sensei every bit as much as you, Hiruzen, but he was wrong." Wrong to let Hashirama walk over him, wrong to show the Uchiha clemency after Madara's tantrum, wrong to make you Hoka-
"In that we agree."
What?
"It is clear, at this point, that I have lost the Will of Fire."
Danzo gaped. "What did you just-"
"You've shown me my folly quite thoroughly, Danzo. I have no more hope for my students. There is no point waiting for Kakashi when he has plateaued. Itachi, too, would take too long. I cannot afford to wait anymore Enma."
"Wind Release Vacuum Serial Waves!"
Danzo's counterattack collapsed the entire far side of the chamber, but he still almost failed to bring his kunai up to intercept the Adamantine staff as it came down upon his head.
"Shimura Danzo. For treason against Konoha, I sentence you to death."
"I can't let you do this, Hiruzen!" Danzo grunted but managed to hold the staff at bay. "Even if it claims my life, I cannot let you drag Konoha any further down this path!"
"Better no path than yours."
"Hahaha, indeed!" Danzo's outrage finally boiled over in derisive laughter. "All your life you've tried and failed to walk the path sensei laid out for you, and now that you've failed, you're going to turn away from everything you once believed in because of some… some civilian?! All this clemency, do you not know he plans to leave Konoha, spitting in your face, will you allow him that as well?!"
"Yes."
Danzo reeled the hardest he ever had, shocked. "Then you are truly lost!" Danzo jumped back and quickly ran through the handseals he didn't think he'd ever need. "Seal Release!"
The world shook as the self-destruction seal on the base was suddenly activated-
CLANG
Danzo barely managed to block the Adamantine Staff from extending forth right through his head. He'd barely had enough time to wonder about the best way to flee before Hiruzen stopped- before he- "You fool, you would still brawl? In mere minutes this base will come down around both our heads!"
"That's fine. Today, for one last time, I too shall risk my life!"
Danzo's eyes widened. "Y-you would rather we both die than let me flee?"
Finally, Hiruzen's grim gaze thawed. "Danzo, Danzo, Danzo. Don't flatter yourself."
"What-"
"Katon: Karyū Endan!" "Futon: Renkuudan!" "Suiton: Suiryudan!" "Doton: Doryudan!" "Raiton: Rairyū no Tatsumaki!"
Shadow clones! "Earth Wall, Water Formation Wall, Wind S-URK- Iz-!" IZANAGI!
Danzo rematerialized-
SHING-CRACK-CRACK-CRACK-CRUNCH- "HUGH!"
Danzo barely evaded the first five replicas of the Adamantine Staff and nearly lost his Sharingan arm to the sixth. He chose to take it in his chest instead, feeling it crush his ribs and lung and heart, his spine shattering as he di– I-izanagi!
Danzo rematerialized as far away as he could from the origin of the staff, panting heavily, clutching at his arm as another Sharingan closed forever. I need a Byakugan, Danzo thought, reeling. I need to be able to revive past obstacles, if I could rematerialize in another room-
"Congratulations, Danzo. You've finally got what you wanted. All that time of wanting to drag me into the same darkness as you, you've finally succeeded. You've turned me to your way of thinking. I've decided to do as you do and ignore all decency, all common sense, disregard the letter of the law entirely. After all, I am the Hokage. I am the law. And the law says you must be neutralized for the good of Konoha and all other people and places in this world that need the light to thrive. Today, I will finally excise Konoha of Tobirama-sensei's mistake."
Danzo recoiled. The world rumbled. Rocks and dust and debris fell all around them. "Hgh!" Danzo grabbed his forearm. The Hashirama cells writhed against his will, pressing and vicious. "Those are not your words to say!"
"The opinions of traitors are irrelevant."
With a snarl of rage, Danzo charged in, kunai giving way to tanto coated in razor wind. Where had the poison gone? Where were his reserve troops? Where was Oroochimaru?! "Underestimating me will be your last mistake!"
Hiruzen blocked his charge completely and knocked him aside, face grim as the staff multiplied around him, once, twice, nine, eighteen times. "Then we shall both die as ninja should, alone in the dark!"
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Karmic Acumen
Well-known member
Hiruzen didn't find out shit, he decided on this a while ago and chose today for the same reasons Danzo did.
Orochimaru is currently distracted by the shiny.
I hope that shiny isn't a kid.
Yeah, I got that this was a pre-planned op, I’m just wondering which of Danzo’s many sins was the deciding factor. I mean sure, Hiruzen was spoiled for choice, but I’m still curious.
Was Orochimaru not the one responsible for nicking Danzo’s secret stashes?
Danzo doesn't know that, he still thinks Orochimaru is under his control. Given that Hiruzen is highly competent enemy attacking at that moment the immediate presumption is that he is responsible.
namar13766
Well-known member
This has the same vibes as when Superman got serious in Superman vs the Elite.