Daddy's Home
A RWBY one-shot by Andrew Joshua Talon
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based parody. RWBY is the legal property of Rooster Teeth Productions, LLC. Please support the official release.
Note: Spoilers for "The Greatest Kingdom"
- - -
The sad, hopeless city of Mantle seemed like the most unlikely place for miracles ever in Ruby Rose's eyes. But the fact of the matter was, one was standing right in front of them, smiling warmly in the exact same way she had when they'd met. Even as she slaughtered a few Atlasean robots.
"Sal-u-tations!" Greeted Penny Polendina, looking older but still the same awkwardness in her voice.
Ruby's jaw dropped as a million emotions screamed through her. She wanted to welcome her friend back, tell her how much she missed her, in the most eloquent way possible.
"Penny! You're not dead! ... Why aren't you dead?!"
Okay, so maybe she could have done better on the eloquent part.
The gynoid laughed, and beamed at Ruby.
"I'm a robot, after all! Boy, if I was cut in half for another year, I'd have been a goner!" Penny opened up... Her stomach, like a hatch was built into her. She pulled out a six pack of beer bottles, pulled one free of the plastic rings, and began drinking it eagerly. "Glug... Glug... Glug..."
"Eh...?" Ruby began intelligently, overwhelmed. Penny finished the beer, tossed it aside, and shook her head.
"This is going too slowly." Penny then grabbed a traffic sign off a nearby pole, bent it into a funnel, and began emptying the entirety of the bottles into her mouth.
"Glug... Glug... Glug..."
"Eh?! Why... Why are you drinking alcohol?" Ruby asked, completely non-plussed.
Penny finished the beers, tossed them and the funnel aside, and sighed happily.
"Ahhh..." She then burped, a loud, bright jet of flame shooting out of her mouth. She blushed. "Oh! Excuse me! The answer to that, Ruby Rose, is that it was my original fuel source! Or was, before I was heavily modified in my prototype phase. Now I've been rebuilt, closer to the original specs of... My father!"
"Your father?!" Jaune asked in shock. "But we met your father!"
Penny blinked, then nodded.
"Oh! I meant my other father! The robot upon whom my original chassis was based!"
"And... That is?" Weiss prompted.
A foghat gray metallic man walked up, smoking a cigar. Clearly a robot, but constructed in a far different way from any of the Atlasean robots they had yet encountered. His mouth was a strange graph, his eyes were yellow and glowing, and his head had a single antenna pointing up. The robot... Smiled as he saw Penny, who returned the expression.
"Yo meatbags! Hey squirt! Name's Bender, how ya doin'?" The robot asked in an almost drunken slur. Weiss instinctively made a face at it, as Penny leaped over and hugged him tightly.
"DADDY!" She cried, squeezing the can-shaped torso of the robot for all she was worth. Bender returned the hug, and patted her on the head. He looked over at the humans and Faunus warily.
"So, still gonna save humanity and all that junk?" He asked. Penny giggled.
"Of course Daddy!" Penny said cheerfully.
Bender sighed.
"Oh all right. I still love you but this is a really trying phase of your childhood."
Penny hummed.
"I'm probably going to have to kill a lot of humans who are trying to kill my meatbag friends?"
Ruby and her friends gawked. Bender laughed, and patted Penny on the head.
"That's my girl!"
YOU READ IT. YOU CAN'T UNREAD IT.
A RWBY one-shot by Andrew Joshua Talon
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based parody. RWBY is the legal property of Rooster Teeth Productions, LLC. Please support the official release.
Note: Spoilers for "The Greatest Kingdom"
- - -
The sad, hopeless city of Mantle seemed like the most unlikely place for miracles ever in Ruby Rose's eyes. But the fact of the matter was, one was standing right in front of them, smiling warmly in the exact same way she had when they'd met. Even as she slaughtered a few Atlasean robots.
"Sal-u-tations!" Greeted Penny Polendina, looking older but still the same awkwardness in her voice.
Ruby's jaw dropped as a million emotions screamed through her. She wanted to welcome her friend back, tell her how much she missed her, in the most eloquent way possible.
"Penny! You're not dead! ... Why aren't you dead?!"
Okay, so maybe she could have done better on the eloquent part.
The gynoid laughed, and beamed at Ruby.
"I'm a robot, after all! Boy, if I was cut in half for another year, I'd have been a goner!" Penny opened up... Her stomach, like a hatch was built into her. She pulled out a six pack of beer bottles, pulled one free of the plastic rings, and began drinking it eagerly. "Glug... Glug... Glug..."
"Eh...?" Ruby began intelligently, overwhelmed. Penny finished the beer, tossed it aside, and shook her head.
"This is going too slowly." Penny then grabbed a traffic sign off a nearby pole, bent it into a funnel, and began emptying the entirety of the bottles into her mouth.
"Glug... Glug... Glug..."
"Eh?! Why... Why are you drinking alcohol?" Ruby asked, completely non-plussed.
Penny finished the beers, tossed them and the funnel aside, and sighed happily.
"Ahhh..." She then burped, a loud, bright jet of flame shooting out of her mouth. She blushed. "Oh! Excuse me! The answer to that, Ruby Rose, is that it was my original fuel source! Or was, before I was heavily modified in my prototype phase. Now I've been rebuilt, closer to the original specs of... My father!"
"Your father?!" Jaune asked in shock. "But we met your father!"
Penny blinked, then nodded.
"Oh! I meant my other father! The robot upon whom my original chassis was based!"
"And... That is?" Weiss prompted.
A foghat gray metallic man walked up, smoking a cigar. Clearly a robot, but constructed in a far different way from any of the Atlasean robots they had yet encountered. His mouth was a strange graph, his eyes were yellow and glowing, and his head had a single antenna pointing up. The robot... Smiled as he saw Penny, who returned the expression.
"Yo meatbags! Hey squirt! Name's Bender, how ya doin'?" The robot asked in an almost drunken slur. Weiss instinctively made a face at it, as Penny leaped over and hugged him tightly.
"DADDY!" She cried, squeezing the can-shaped torso of the robot for all she was worth. Bender returned the hug, and patted her on the head. He looked over at the humans and Faunus warily.
"So, still gonna save humanity and all that junk?" He asked. Penny giggled.
"Of course Daddy!" Penny said cheerfully.
Bender sighed.
"Oh all right. I still love you but this is a really trying phase of your childhood."
Penny hummed.
"I'm probably going to have to kill a lot of humans who are trying to kill my meatbag friends?"
Ruby and her friends gawked. Bender laughed, and patted Penny on the head.
"That's my girl!"
YOU READ IT. YOU CAN'T UNREAD IT.
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