Stupid Fantasy Armours

[Doomsought]

Studded Leather is what you get when historically illiterate people look at brigantines and do not realize that the rivets are attached to metal plates.

Also, looking at pectoral cuirass in museums, the most unbelievable aspect of boob plates is the lack of bronze nipples on them. Boob plates would categorically be a vulgar brag about one's sexual prowess, just like excessively large codpieces. So if a boob plate existed, it would be a decorative shell attached over the functional part of the armor, the breasts would be exaggerated and idealized in proportions.

 

[Buba]

looking at pectoral cuirass in museums, the most unbelievable aspect of boob plates is the lack of bronze nipples on them.

I wonder what would
puckered nipples for teh win
be in ancient Greek ...

 

[ATP]

I wonder what would
puckered nipples for teh win
be in ancient Greek ...

I think,that is reminder of times when warriors really fought naked to show their bravery.Which some Gauls still did against Romans - althought they showed ratcher their guts,liver and other parts as a result

 

[edgeworthy]

A look at the insanity:

Stupid Fantasy Armours

“Studded Leather” Armour The “studded leather” armour “Studded leather” armour appeared first in Dungeons and Dragons. It consists of “studded leather” – l…

military-fantasy.com

Ah it forgot Biker Leather Armour!

While it is possible to use leather as armour it is nothing like the average portrayal. Cuir bouilli is thicker than Steel Plate and not much more flexible. Buff leather is more flexible, being essentially the most developed arming doublet, but not usually any thinner.

 

[Lord Sovereign]

As Shadiversity pointed out in another one of his videos on the matter, boob plate does make sense for women with large or even normal sized breasts because cramming them into standard breast plate would be very uncomfortable. Thus, a suit of armour made for a woman would probably be a bit more roomy in the upper chest, likely by moving the "dome" of the plate there.

 

[Aldarion]

As Shadiversity pointed out in another one of his videos on the matter, boob plate does make sense for women with large or even normal sized breasts because cramming them into standard breast plate would be very uncomfortable. Thus, a suit of armour made for a woman would probably be a bit more roomy in the upper chest, likely by moving the "dome" of the plate there.

But that would merely change the shape of the upper part of the breastplate. It would not have actual boobs.

 

[Bear Ribs]

But that would merely change the shape of the upper part of the breastplate. It would not have actual boobs.

There's plenty of historic armors with actual abs and pecs, and no few with actual dongs. Why would actual boobs be treated differently?

 

[Aldarion]

There's plenty of historic armors with actual abs and pecs, and no few with actual dongs. Why would actual boobs be treated differently?

There were, in the antiquity. But weapons in late middle ages were too powerful to allow such a luxury, and most fantasy is set in that period.

 

[Bear Ribs]

There were, in the antiquity. But weapons in late middle ages were too powerful to allow such a luxury, and most fantasy is set in that period.

Most fantasy, I find, is more a bizarre mishmash where you might find claymores, katanas, and rapiers all being used at once next to completely ahistorical stuff like pauldrons 8-feet wide covered in spikes and swords the size of surfboards with bizarro blades that have a dozen different points and cutting surfaces on them.

 

[Buba]

Considering all the clothing and padding (gambeson!) that's between a chest and chestplate, a girl's boobies should not register at all. After all, when under a sheepskin jacket, shoulder boulders are a myth, a legend, barely a hint!
Well, maybe Dolly Parton and suchlike might have issues in cramming their sweater puppies under the armour ...

 

[edgeworthy]

There's plenty of historic armors with actual abs and pecs, and no few with actual dongs. Why would actual boobs be treated differently?

A truly massive Armoured Cod-Piece was a thing!

 

[Aldarion]

Most fantasy, I find, is more a bizarre mishmash where you might find claymores, katanas, and rapiers all being used at once next to completely ahistorical stuff like pauldrons 8-feet wide covered in spikes and swords the size of surfboards with bizarro blades that have a dozen different points and cutting surfaces on them.

Well, yeah, but having essentially skintight chest armour with an inbuilt wedge in a situation where most people are running around with maces and warhammers is still stupid. Romans could get away with such stuff because most of their enemies used swords and spears, and maybe an occasional club.

 

[Bear Ribs]

Did some searching and found a few real-life boobplates from 17th century India.

A NORTH INDIA BRONZE BREASTPLATE CHAMBA REGION, 17TH CENTURY

www.christies.com

A bronze breast plate

SOUTH INDIA, 17TH CENTURY

www.christies.com

They look more likely to have been ceremonial than not to me, especially the second one.

 

[Buba]

They look more likely to have been ceremonial than not to me, especially the second one.

Looks like a fertility cult offering. Look at the bun-in-the-oven shape.

 

[ATP]

Looks like a fertility cult offering. Look at the bun-in-the-oven shape.

Since it was India,it could be part of some fertility cult.Funny religion - they have millions of gods,and at the same time belive that only one God,Brahman,raeally exist.

Back to topic - since WH40 is going down anyway,then why not gave bikini armour for all units there from scouts to titans ?
It would at least go down looking funny.

 

[Simonbob]

Back to topic - since WH40 is going down anyway,then why not gave bikini armour for all units there from scouts to titans ?
It would at least go down looking funny.

Tyranids in boob plate?

Sure, why not?

 

[Doomsought]

Back to topic - since WH40 is going down anyway,then why not gave bikini armour for all units there from scouts to titans ?
It would at least go down looking funny.

Sounds like something that the Dark Eldar would do. Not just to their own units, but they would also send in infiltrators to alter orders and make units wear impractical clothing so they can sit back and snort the humiliation and suffering caused by it.

 

[ATP]

Sounds like something that the Dark Eldar would do. Not just to their own units, but they would also send in infiltrators to alter orders and make units wear impractical clothing so they can sit back and snort the humiliation and suffering caused by it.

And to see their Craftworld cousins in that.Especially Taldeer and Macha. maybe Sororitas,too.

 

[Abhishekm]

"Fantasy boob armor is unrealistic because the size of bras that would require boobarmor is unrealistically rare."

Take ALL the fun out of fantasy why dont you.

 

[Doomsought]

Fantasy boob armor is unrealistic because the size of bras that would require boobarmor is unrealistically rare. Take ALL the fun out of fantasy why dont you.

You clearly have not seen the enourmous cod pieces on historical plate armor. Also there would be a fairly decent gap between metal plate and the human body on the domed parts of armor (including bookplates). Late medieval into rainisance helmets began suspending the halmet over the head rather than maintianing direct contact with padding, something continued into modern combat helmets.