ABY 7
- - -
Luke Skywalker had come to Dantooine, a rustic, farming focused world in the Outer Rim, due to rumors of a Jedi Enclave having been here once. He'd been travelling the countryside, gathering information. Mostly, he'd just gotten a lot of old folk tales and some datascans from ancient archives. Still, it was helping him narrow down where the ruins of the Jedi Enclave might be.
He was relaxing in the tavern of one of the thousands of farming villages on the agrarian world, Artoo sitting by him. He had chosen a nice window seat, allowing him to look out onto the rolling plains and blue sky. He sipped his tea as he looked over his datapad, Artoo contentedly recharging thanks to a tap on the wall.
The interior of the place was simple, but clean and well kept. A serving girl worked alongside an old protocol droid, delivering orders. The owner kept the bar, chatting with his customers as he handed out drinks. Old men played sabaac out on the porch, while children ran around in the dirt road outside.
By and by, a large, heavy set blonde man in fine black robes barged in. He wore an elaborate, Jedi-like cloak, shadow silk gloves, and expensive looking boots. He swaggered his way up to the bar, and pounded on it.
"Barkeep! Your finest food and drink! A Jedi Knight needs sustenance!"
The barkeep regarded the man with some bemusement.
"Oh really?"
"Oh, not just any Jedi Knight," the portly man insisted. He held up a lightsaber, flicked it on: And a bright blue blade hummed into existence. Everyone in the bar was now looking in amazement at the man. He grinned, and announced in a deep voice:
"I am Luke Skywalker! Slayer of Darth Vader, and the Emperor himself! So a free meal isn't out of the question, hmmm?"
"I gave you a free meal last week," the barkeep scoffed, "it's bad for business!"
"Hey! I saved the galaxy, you know!" "Luke" whined, "you should show me some gratitude!"
"Get one of your adoring fans to pay, hmph," the barkeep snorted.
Artoo looked the "Luke Skywalker" impersonator up and down, and chortled electronically. Luke hid a smile. He cleared his throat... And then again when the imposter didn't take the hint.
"Hey, Barkeep. I'll pay for his meal," Luke stated.
The fake Luke gaped.
"You will?! I-I mean, you will, of course!" He said, quickly making his voice deeper again. "I am glad to meet such a grateful citizen, Mister...?"
"Naberrie," Luke said, "please, join me at my table?"
The heavyset man happily did just that, dousing his lightsaber and clipping it back to his belt. Soon the food was served. Luke nodded gratefully to the serving girl.
"Thank you," he said.
"Yes, thank you," "Luke" said, grinning and winking at her, "would you like to hear my tales of heroism, fair maiden?"
"I'll wait for the holo, thanks," the girl said wryly, heading off. The fake Luke looked a bit depressed, before he shook his head and puffed himself up.
"Clearly, my animal magnetism in the Force was too much for her," he said, "such is the price of being a Jedi Knight, you know!"
Luke hid his laughter, but just barely, by sipping his tea.
"The life of a Jedi must be difficult, indeed," Luke observed. The imposter nodded hurriedly.
"You have no idea! Why, my whole life has been nothing but non stop excitement and daring adventure!"
"Really? Tell me about it," Luke said, again hiding his mouth with his gloved hand. Artoo was spinning his dome, clearly resisting the urge to laugh his mechanical head off.
"Well, I had humble origins," the imposter began, throwing his hands out with a flourish, "my father, Anakin Skywalker, was secretly married to Padme Amidala-Queen and Senator of Naboo! My father was betrayed and murdered by the nefarious Darth Vader, and I was spirited away to Tatooine, to hide me from the evil Emperor!"
"You remember that, even as a baby?" Luke asked, still smiling. His parentage had been made public... Though the fact his father had become Darth Vader had not been released just yet. Probably for the best, really. Leia had thrown a fit over the very idea, and he didn't like it much either.
"Of course! I was born with a supernaturally strong connection to the Force!" The Fake Luke bragged, "why, I could master the lightsaber, moving objects with my mind, even the Jedi Mind Trick-All without my mentor, Obi-Wan Kenobi, having to show me! I learned it all via the Force!"
"Amazing that the Force works that way," Luke deadpanned. The imposter didn't seem to notice as he continued waving his hands about, painting a fantastic picture of "his" adventures.
"But the Emperor suspected my power, so he sent Inquisitors to hunt me down! They even kidnapped Princess Leia when she was but a young girl! My Master Kenobi was, sadly, too old and weak to save her, but I bravely challenged them all, and even defeated Darth Vader himself in a duel!"
"That so?" Luke asked, now outright holding his steepled hands together in front of his face to hide his grin. Artoo had shut off his speakers.
"Yes! Yes! Princess Leia vowed to marry me when we were grown, but I had to turn her down! I had no time for romance, being a Jedi Knight in training, and all!" The Fake Luke continued, "our paths would cross again years later though, when Princess Leia's ship was captured over Tatooine! She sent her droids down to the desert world, to get me and General Kenobi to aid her! We found a smuggler named Han Solo, and his first mate, Chewbacca! They were so impressed by our mission, they offered to take us and fight alongside us against the evil Empire-Free of charge!"
Luke had to bite down on the inside of his cheek for that one.
"Such a noble, chivalrous soul, this Han Solo," Luke observed.
"I know right? Alas! We were too late to save Alderaan!" The Fake Luke held the back of his palm to his forehead, swooning dramatically, "but we were just in time to infiltrate the Death Star! We cleverly saved the Princess, and escaped! But alas-My beloved mentor Kenobi was killed! I wanted to fight and defeat Vader again, of course, but we had to get the Death Star plans out to the Rebel Alliance! This we did, with no trouble at all!"
"What about the tractor beam controls?" Luke asked wryly.
"Huh?"
"The tractor beam controls. The Death Star had lots of tractor beams. How would you have escaped them?" Luke asked. Fake Luke shook his head.
"I... Just used the Force to repel the tractor beams!"
"Ah, of course. Why didn't I think of that?" Luke deadpanned. The imposter continued.
"Anyway! My heroic deeds were only beginning! For when we arrived at Yavin IV, I led the assault myself in an X-Wing! I had a dogfight with Darth Vader, shooting him down, before I dove in and fired proton torpedoes down the exhaust shaft! This caused a chain reaction that destroyed the Death Star! I was a hero, as the galaxy was safe from the Death Star!"
Luke nodded, again trying hard not to laugh. This guy was a riot.
"Anyway, three years of bloody struggle ensued! Princess Leia continued to try and get me to marry her, but I refused! I could not be deterred in my mission! To save the galaxy! I went to Hoth, where an ancient Jedi enclave was hidden! That it was also the site of the new Rebel Base was convenient to me! I barely fought off wampa, white fangs, and even an Imperial invasion! Though alas, I had to leave the planet to go and try and protect the Great Jedi Master, Yoda!"
"Oh?" Luke asked. He supposed between Rogue Squadron's rumor mongering and the release of Jedi records from before the Clone Wars, it was inevitable Yoda would get mentioned.
"Yes!" Fake Luke nodded enthusiastically, before he gobbled down some of the local fried meat, "he saw my immense talent, and was willing to make me a Jedi Master, right then and there! But no, I said. I must earn that, by defeating the Emperor! Alas, he and Darth Vader don't play fair! They had kidnapped Leia, Han, and Chewbacca and taken them to Cloud City! Where that dirty dealer Lando Calrissian had lured them into a trap!"
"That dirty nerfherder," Luke observed in a monotone. Fake Luke nodded again, spewing some breading crumbs as he continued.
"Yes! But once I arrived, I set Lando right! I pointed out that the Empire would only use him, and he agreed and joined the Rebellion right then and there! Alas, it was too late to rescue Han from the nefarious Bounty Hunter Boba Fett! But I was able to get Leia, Chewbacca, and Lando to the Millenium Falcon. I had to face Darth Vader once more! He was so persistent! No matter how many times I'd beaten him, he just kept trying to defeat me!"
"I heard Vader cut off your hand at Bespin," Luke said. Fake Luke shook his head rapidly.
"No no no! Well he did. But it was part of my clever plan! He cut off my hand, but I stunned him with the Force and cast him into a pit! It was, uh, a draw! Yeah!"
"Still, losing your hand sounds pretty rough," Luke observed. Fake Luke held up his left hand, in its fine glove.
"Of course! I keep my robotic hand covered up, to not disturb any ladies," he said. "Right, where was I...? Oh yes! I tracked down Boba Fett. He had taken Han Solo to Jabba the Hutt, and I had followed. Cleverly, I lured Jabba out to the Dune Sea above the Sarlacc Pit, using a Jedi Mind Trick to make him overconfident. I then dueled him in one on one combat, along with Boba Fett and... And a dozen other Bounty Hunters! But I defeated them all, sending each and every one into the Sarlacc Pit! HA! It will be eating well for the next thousand years!"
"Uh huh," Luke deadpanned, "and then you went to Endor?"
"But of course!" Fake Luke cried, "I had to finally meet my destiny! I allowed myself to be captured, to let Han and the other Rebels have their opening to destroy the deflector shield generator! I could have taken care of it myself, but, you know... I can't do everything!"
Fake Luke stopped and stared at Luke, who was now coughing very loudly.
"You all right, friend?"
"Just-Just fine," Luke managed, coughing some more to hide his laughter. "G-Go on."
"Right, well," Fake Luke continued, "I allowed myself to be taken to the Emperor's Throne Room. Ooh, you should have seen him-Grey, wrinkled, ten feet tall, with muscles the size of bantha calves! He towered over me, lightning shooting from his eyes! He wanted me to turn to the Darkside, and become his apprentice! To replace Vader himself! Well, I wasn't having any of that! I defeated Vader first, defeating him. He begged the Emperor for mercy, but the evil tyrant was willing to kill even his most loyal henchmen! I couldn't abide that! As evil as Vader was, without him as my rival, I could never have come so far!"
"Gotta respect the eternal rival," Luke observed dryly. The Fake Luke guzzled down his drink, set it down, and grinned.
"So the Emperor and I fought! I struck him with my lightsaber-He struck me back! He dared me to kill him, for then his evil plan was revealed: If I struck him down, he would take over my body and become the strongest Force User in the history of the galaxy!"
"That is quite the dilemma," Luke said, again keeping his mouth covered, "so what did you do?"
"I, well... I challenged him, made him angry! And he shot his Force Lightning at me!" Fake Luke announced, now miming the actions with his hands like it was a puppet show, "I blocked it with my lightsaber! Even his full might might have overcome me... If not for the voices of all the dead Jedi, pushing me onwards! Even the ghost of Vader, who had redeemed himself in death! So... I used the Force to reflect Palpatine's lightning right back at him! He fried himself, and died with a horrendous scream! He fell into the reactor, and caused the entire Death Star to explode!"
"And you barely managed to escape, just in time," Luke said. Fake Luke nodded, grinning broadly.
"Of course! I am Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight!"
"You sure are."
Luke shook his head, and slowly rose to his feet as he felt a tremor in the Force. He dropped some more credits on the table.
"Your next meal is on me," he said, "thanks for the story. It was definitely entertaining."
"W-Wow! Thank you, good citizen!" The Luke Imposter said cheerfully.
Luke headed to the exit, Artoo following. Luke found a transceiver pole, and leaned up against it as he observed the entrance to the tavern. He didn't have long to wait, as several stormtroopers soon walked up to the entrance, and entered the tavern. A moment later, the imposter Luke jumped out the window and began running. The Stormtroopers followed him.
Luke in turn followed, Artoo wheeling behind him.
The imposter came to a halt, panting for breath, in a gully just outside of the town. He turned to the Stormtroopers, all of whom had their blasters raised.
"Luke Skywalker? You're dead," the leader growled. The Fake Luke gulped, and held his hands up.
"N-Now... Uh... Let's not... Settle this with violence... W-We shouldn't...!"
"You're gonna pay for everything you've done," another sneered.
"We sure this is the actual Luke Skywalker?" One of the troopers asked, "looks kind of fat to me."
"Even if he's not, he's earned it by playing around," the leader growled.
"Y-You all want to go away! You want to leave me alone, or I'll use my Jedi powers on you!" The Imposter shouted desperately. The leader took aim.
"I think we'll take our chances!"
He fired... And the blaster bolt bounced off a green lightsaber blade. The troopers all stared, probably gawking behind their helmets. The Luke imposter stared in disbelief... At Luke, now standing between him and the troopers, lightsaber burning brightly.
Luke waved his hand.
"You all want to run away, and think really hard about what you want out of life," Luke ordered.
"HA! You think that nonsense is gonna work on-" The leader looked back, and saw his squad turn and run. "HEY! GET BACK HERE, YOU COWARDS!"
He turned back to Luke, holding up his blaster.
"I'm not like those punks! DIE JEDI-!"
He fired... And the blaster bolt bounced back, hitting him right in the chest. He went down hard. The Fake Luke fell to his knees, trembling, as Luke extinguished his lightsaber. The fake looked up in awe, as Luke turned to face him.
"Y-You... You're the real thing... The Real Luke Skywalker," he muttered. Luke nodded.
"That's right," he said.
"I... I'm sorry," the fake Luke said, looking down at the ground, "I... I just... I found this lightsaber and clothes, in these old ruins... And I thought that... Maybe being a Jedi would be great... I-I was just an orphan. Nobody special... I never even had a name of my own! They called me Grunt! I-I just worked as a mechanic for the Empire. Couldn't even make it into the Army, I was too fat! And..."
Great big tears began to pour from the imposter's eyes, hitting the dirt.
"I just... I so wanted to be somebody... Someone better... Stronger than myself," he whimpered, "better than some nameless orphan on a backwater world... I-I'm so sorry, Master Jedi..."
Luke sighed softly, and reached down.
"Come on, get up," Luke said. The man sniffled, and looked in confusion at Luke's offered hand, "come on. Up."
Trembling, he took Luke's hand and let himself be pulled up to his feet. Luke shook his head.
"I can understand wanting to be something, someone greater," he said, "but pretending to be that person? Won't work. And it nearly got you killed. No... It's better to be yourself. To become better, to grow and learn... Like this experience should have taught you," he stated.
The faker nodded hurriedly.
"You... You aren't mad?" He asked. Luke chuckled.
"No... There are things you will get mad about, and others? You need to let go of," he said, "and this is one of them. It's the only way to grow. To change."
Luke hesitated, at the downcast look on the young man's face. He hadn't been lying at all throughout his entire sad story-It was easy to tell through the Force.
Luke then smiled gently.
"But... I'm willing to help you," Luke said. The Fake Luke looked up, eyes wide with hope.
"You-You mean it?!"
"Yes, but," Luke said, "in exchange? You show me where you got that lightsaber."
The Imposter was happy to oblige. A few hours of walking later, and Artoo's help navigating some of the defenses, got Luke access to the underground archives of the Jedi Order. It was a treasure trove of information, and Luke was going to have to make a few trips.
He suddenly had an idea.
"I have access to New Republic accounts," Luke said, "I'll pay you to guard this place. To fix it up. And to take care of it. It'll be your job... With the New Jedi Order."
"You-You mean it?!" The fake asked in amazement. At Luke's nod, he hugged Luke tightly. "Oh thank you! Thank you, Master Skywalker!"
"You're welcome!" Luke laughed, patting him on the back. He pushed Grunt away, just a bit, "but I am going to check up on you. You'd better not be slacking off!"
Grunt shook his head.
"N-No sir! I won't slack off! Not a bit!"
"Good," Luke said, "you'd better start making a list of things you need. We'll get them together. I'll bring my ship over and we can start fixing this place up before I leave."
"Before you leave?" Grunt asked. Luke nodded.
"It's a big galaxy, and there's a lot of work to do," he said. Grunt smiled.
"I... I understand," he said, "still, uh... One... One last thing, Master Skywalker, sir?"
"What?"
Grunt tapped his fingers together nervously.
"Can... Can I keep the name?" He asked.
Luke stared at Grunt... And shook his head with a wry smile.
"Not on your life... But! You're free to choose your own name. And I'll call you it."
Grunt grinned, tears again threatening to erupt from his eyes.
"Then I choose... Revan Starkiller!"
He looked over at Luke, grinning expectantly. Luke sighed and chuckled.
"If that's what you want? Go right ahead..."
- - -
Because samurai films inspired Star Wars and using some Samurai tropes wouldn't go amiss, would they?
- - -
Luke Skywalker had come to Dantooine, a rustic, farming focused world in the Outer Rim, due to rumors of a Jedi Enclave having been here once. He'd been travelling the countryside, gathering information. Mostly, he'd just gotten a lot of old folk tales and some datascans from ancient archives. Still, it was helping him narrow down where the ruins of the Jedi Enclave might be.
He was relaxing in the tavern of one of the thousands of farming villages on the agrarian world, Artoo sitting by him. He had chosen a nice window seat, allowing him to look out onto the rolling plains and blue sky. He sipped his tea as he looked over his datapad, Artoo contentedly recharging thanks to a tap on the wall.
The interior of the place was simple, but clean and well kept. A serving girl worked alongside an old protocol droid, delivering orders. The owner kept the bar, chatting with his customers as he handed out drinks. Old men played sabaac out on the porch, while children ran around in the dirt road outside.
By and by, a large, heavy set blonde man in fine black robes barged in. He wore an elaborate, Jedi-like cloak, shadow silk gloves, and expensive looking boots. He swaggered his way up to the bar, and pounded on it.
"Barkeep! Your finest food and drink! A Jedi Knight needs sustenance!"
The barkeep regarded the man with some bemusement.
"Oh really?"
"Oh, not just any Jedi Knight," the portly man insisted. He held up a lightsaber, flicked it on: And a bright blue blade hummed into existence. Everyone in the bar was now looking in amazement at the man. He grinned, and announced in a deep voice:
"I am Luke Skywalker! Slayer of Darth Vader, and the Emperor himself! So a free meal isn't out of the question, hmmm?"
"I gave you a free meal last week," the barkeep scoffed, "it's bad for business!"
"Hey! I saved the galaxy, you know!" "Luke" whined, "you should show me some gratitude!"
"Get one of your adoring fans to pay, hmph," the barkeep snorted.
Artoo looked the "Luke Skywalker" impersonator up and down, and chortled electronically. Luke hid a smile. He cleared his throat... And then again when the imposter didn't take the hint.
"Hey, Barkeep. I'll pay for his meal," Luke stated.
The fake Luke gaped.
"You will?! I-I mean, you will, of course!" He said, quickly making his voice deeper again. "I am glad to meet such a grateful citizen, Mister...?"
"Naberrie," Luke said, "please, join me at my table?"
The heavyset man happily did just that, dousing his lightsaber and clipping it back to his belt. Soon the food was served. Luke nodded gratefully to the serving girl.
"Thank you," he said.
"Yes, thank you," "Luke" said, grinning and winking at her, "would you like to hear my tales of heroism, fair maiden?"
"I'll wait for the holo, thanks," the girl said wryly, heading off. The fake Luke looked a bit depressed, before he shook his head and puffed himself up.
"Clearly, my animal magnetism in the Force was too much for her," he said, "such is the price of being a Jedi Knight, you know!"
Luke hid his laughter, but just barely, by sipping his tea.
"The life of a Jedi must be difficult, indeed," Luke observed. The imposter nodded hurriedly.
"You have no idea! Why, my whole life has been nothing but non stop excitement and daring adventure!"
"Really? Tell me about it," Luke said, again hiding his mouth with his gloved hand. Artoo was spinning his dome, clearly resisting the urge to laugh his mechanical head off.
"Well, I had humble origins," the imposter began, throwing his hands out with a flourish, "my father, Anakin Skywalker, was secretly married to Padme Amidala-Queen and Senator of Naboo! My father was betrayed and murdered by the nefarious Darth Vader, and I was spirited away to Tatooine, to hide me from the evil Emperor!"
"You remember that, even as a baby?" Luke asked, still smiling. His parentage had been made public... Though the fact his father had become Darth Vader had not been released just yet. Probably for the best, really. Leia had thrown a fit over the very idea, and he didn't like it much either.
"Of course! I was born with a supernaturally strong connection to the Force!" The Fake Luke bragged, "why, I could master the lightsaber, moving objects with my mind, even the Jedi Mind Trick-All without my mentor, Obi-Wan Kenobi, having to show me! I learned it all via the Force!"
"Amazing that the Force works that way," Luke deadpanned. The imposter didn't seem to notice as he continued waving his hands about, painting a fantastic picture of "his" adventures.
"But the Emperor suspected my power, so he sent Inquisitors to hunt me down! They even kidnapped Princess Leia when she was but a young girl! My Master Kenobi was, sadly, too old and weak to save her, but I bravely challenged them all, and even defeated Darth Vader himself in a duel!"
"That so?" Luke asked, now outright holding his steepled hands together in front of his face to hide his grin. Artoo had shut off his speakers.
"Yes! Yes! Princess Leia vowed to marry me when we were grown, but I had to turn her down! I had no time for romance, being a Jedi Knight in training, and all!" The Fake Luke continued, "our paths would cross again years later though, when Princess Leia's ship was captured over Tatooine! She sent her droids down to the desert world, to get me and General Kenobi to aid her! We found a smuggler named Han Solo, and his first mate, Chewbacca! They were so impressed by our mission, they offered to take us and fight alongside us against the evil Empire-Free of charge!"
Luke had to bite down on the inside of his cheek for that one.
"Such a noble, chivalrous soul, this Han Solo," Luke observed.
"I know right? Alas! We were too late to save Alderaan!" The Fake Luke held the back of his palm to his forehead, swooning dramatically, "but we were just in time to infiltrate the Death Star! We cleverly saved the Princess, and escaped! But alas-My beloved mentor Kenobi was killed! I wanted to fight and defeat Vader again, of course, but we had to get the Death Star plans out to the Rebel Alliance! This we did, with no trouble at all!"
"What about the tractor beam controls?" Luke asked wryly.
"Huh?"
"The tractor beam controls. The Death Star had lots of tractor beams. How would you have escaped them?" Luke asked. Fake Luke shook his head.
"I... Just used the Force to repel the tractor beams!"
"Ah, of course. Why didn't I think of that?" Luke deadpanned. The imposter continued.
"Anyway! My heroic deeds were only beginning! For when we arrived at Yavin IV, I led the assault myself in an X-Wing! I had a dogfight with Darth Vader, shooting him down, before I dove in and fired proton torpedoes down the exhaust shaft! This caused a chain reaction that destroyed the Death Star! I was a hero, as the galaxy was safe from the Death Star!"
Luke nodded, again trying hard not to laugh. This guy was a riot.
"Anyway, three years of bloody struggle ensued! Princess Leia continued to try and get me to marry her, but I refused! I could not be deterred in my mission! To save the galaxy! I went to Hoth, where an ancient Jedi enclave was hidden! That it was also the site of the new Rebel Base was convenient to me! I barely fought off wampa, white fangs, and even an Imperial invasion! Though alas, I had to leave the planet to go and try and protect the Great Jedi Master, Yoda!"
"Oh?" Luke asked. He supposed between Rogue Squadron's rumor mongering and the release of Jedi records from before the Clone Wars, it was inevitable Yoda would get mentioned.
"Yes!" Fake Luke nodded enthusiastically, before he gobbled down some of the local fried meat, "he saw my immense talent, and was willing to make me a Jedi Master, right then and there! But no, I said. I must earn that, by defeating the Emperor! Alas, he and Darth Vader don't play fair! They had kidnapped Leia, Han, and Chewbacca and taken them to Cloud City! Where that dirty dealer Lando Calrissian had lured them into a trap!"
"That dirty nerfherder," Luke observed in a monotone. Fake Luke nodded again, spewing some breading crumbs as he continued.
"Yes! But once I arrived, I set Lando right! I pointed out that the Empire would only use him, and he agreed and joined the Rebellion right then and there! Alas, it was too late to rescue Han from the nefarious Bounty Hunter Boba Fett! But I was able to get Leia, Chewbacca, and Lando to the Millenium Falcon. I had to face Darth Vader once more! He was so persistent! No matter how many times I'd beaten him, he just kept trying to defeat me!"
"I heard Vader cut off your hand at Bespin," Luke said. Fake Luke shook his head rapidly.
"No no no! Well he did. But it was part of my clever plan! He cut off my hand, but I stunned him with the Force and cast him into a pit! It was, uh, a draw! Yeah!"
"Still, losing your hand sounds pretty rough," Luke observed. Fake Luke held up his left hand, in its fine glove.
"Of course! I keep my robotic hand covered up, to not disturb any ladies," he said. "Right, where was I...? Oh yes! I tracked down Boba Fett. He had taken Han Solo to Jabba the Hutt, and I had followed. Cleverly, I lured Jabba out to the Dune Sea above the Sarlacc Pit, using a Jedi Mind Trick to make him overconfident. I then dueled him in one on one combat, along with Boba Fett and... And a dozen other Bounty Hunters! But I defeated them all, sending each and every one into the Sarlacc Pit! HA! It will be eating well for the next thousand years!"
"Uh huh," Luke deadpanned, "and then you went to Endor?"
"But of course!" Fake Luke cried, "I had to finally meet my destiny! I allowed myself to be captured, to let Han and the other Rebels have their opening to destroy the deflector shield generator! I could have taken care of it myself, but, you know... I can't do everything!"
Fake Luke stopped and stared at Luke, who was now coughing very loudly.
"You all right, friend?"
"Just-Just fine," Luke managed, coughing some more to hide his laughter. "G-Go on."
"Right, well," Fake Luke continued, "I allowed myself to be taken to the Emperor's Throne Room. Ooh, you should have seen him-Grey, wrinkled, ten feet tall, with muscles the size of bantha calves! He towered over me, lightning shooting from his eyes! He wanted me to turn to the Darkside, and become his apprentice! To replace Vader himself! Well, I wasn't having any of that! I defeated Vader first, defeating him. He begged the Emperor for mercy, but the evil tyrant was willing to kill even his most loyal henchmen! I couldn't abide that! As evil as Vader was, without him as my rival, I could never have come so far!"
"Gotta respect the eternal rival," Luke observed dryly. The Fake Luke guzzled down his drink, set it down, and grinned.
"So the Emperor and I fought! I struck him with my lightsaber-He struck me back! He dared me to kill him, for then his evil plan was revealed: If I struck him down, he would take over my body and become the strongest Force User in the history of the galaxy!"
"That is quite the dilemma," Luke said, again keeping his mouth covered, "so what did you do?"
"I, well... I challenged him, made him angry! And he shot his Force Lightning at me!" Fake Luke announced, now miming the actions with his hands like it was a puppet show, "I blocked it with my lightsaber! Even his full might might have overcome me... If not for the voices of all the dead Jedi, pushing me onwards! Even the ghost of Vader, who had redeemed himself in death! So... I used the Force to reflect Palpatine's lightning right back at him! He fried himself, and died with a horrendous scream! He fell into the reactor, and caused the entire Death Star to explode!"
"And you barely managed to escape, just in time," Luke said. Fake Luke nodded, grinning broadly.
"Of course! I am Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight!"
"You sure are."
Luke shook his head, and slowly rose to his feet as he felt a tremor in the Force. He dropped some more credits on the table.
"Your next meal is on me," he said, "thanks for the story. It was definitely entertaining."
"W-Wow! Thank you, good citizen!" The Luke Imposter said cheerfully.
Luke headed to the exit, Artoo following. Luke found a transceiver pole, and leaned up against it as he observed the entrance to the tavern. He didn't have long to wait, as several stormtroopers soon walked up to the entrance, and entered the tavern. A moment later, the imposter Luke jumped out the window and began running. The Stormtroopers followed him.
Luke in turn followed, Artoo wheeling behind him.
The imposter came to a halt, panting for breath, in a gully just outside of the town. He turned to the Stormtroopers, all of whom had their blasters raised.
"Luke Skywalker? You're dead," the leader growled. The Fake Luke gulped, and held his hands up.
"N-Now... Uh... Let's not... Settle this with violence... W-We shouldn't...!"
"You're gonna pay for everything you've done," another sneered.
"We sure this is the actual Luke Skywalker?" One of the troopers asked, "looks kind of fat to me."
"Even if he's not, he's earned it by playing around," the leader growled.
"Y-You all want to go away! You want to leave me alone, or I'll use my Jedi powers on you!" The Imposter shouted desperately. The leader took aim.
"I think we'll take our chances!"
He fired... And the blaster bolt bounced off a green lightsaber blade. The troopers all stared, probably gawking behind their helmets. The Luke imposter stared in disbelief... At Luke, now standing between him and the troopers, lightsaber burning brightly.
Luke waved his hand.
"You all want to run away, and think really hard about what you want out of life," Luke ordered.
"HA! You think that nonsense is gonna work on-" The leader looked back, and saw his squad turn and run. "HEY! GET BACK HERE, YOU COWARDS!"
He turned back to Luke, holding up his blaster.
"I'm not like those punks! DIE JEDI-!"
He fired... And the blaster bolt bounced back, hitting him right in the chest. He went down hard. The Fake Luke fell to his knees, trembling, as Luke extinguished his lightsaber. The fake looked up in awe, as Luke turned to face him.
"Y-You... You're the real thing... The Real Luke Skywalker," he muttered. Luke nodded.
"That's right," he said.
"I... I'm sorry," the fake Luke said, looking down at the ground, "I... I just... I found this lightsaber and clothes, in these old ruins... And I thought that... Maybe being a Jedi would be great... I-I was just an orphan. Nobody special... I never even had a name of my own! They called me Grunt! I-I just worked as a mechanic for the Empire. Couldn't even make it into the Army, I was too fat! And..."
Great big tears began to pour from the imposter's eyes, hitting the dirt.
"I just... I so wanted to be somebody... Someone better... Stronger than myself," he whimpered, "better than some nameless orphan on a backwater world... I-I'm so sorry, Master Jedi..."
Luke sighed softly, and reached down.
"Come on, get up," Luke said. The man sniffled, and looked in confusion at Luke's offered hand, "come on. Up."
Trembling, he took Luke's hand and let himself be pulled up to his feet. Luke shook his head.
"I can understand wanting to be something, someone greater," he said, "but pretending to be that person? Won't work. And it nearly got you killed. No... It's better to be yourself. To become better, to grow and learn... Like this experience should have taught you," he stated.
The faker nodded hurriedly.
"You... You aren't mad?" He asked. Luke chuckled.
"No... There are things you will get mad about, and others? You need to let go of," he said, "and this is one of them. It's the only way to grow. To change."
Luke hesitated, at the downcast look on the young man's face. He hadn't been lying at all throughout his entire sad story-It was easy to tell through the Force.
Luke then smiled gently.
"But... I'm willing to help you," Luke said. The Fake Luke looked up, eyes wide with hope.
"You-You mean it?!"
"Yes, but," Luke said, "in exchange? You show me where you got that lightsaber."
The Imposter was happy to oblige. A few hours of walking later, and Artoo's help navigating some of the defenses, got Luke access to the underground archives of the Jedi Order. It was a treasure trove of information, and Luke was going to have to make a few trips.
He suddenly had an idea.
"I have access to New Republic accounts," Luke said, "I'll pay you to guard this place. To fix it up. And to take care of it. It'll be your job... With the New Jedi Order."
"You-You mean it?!" The fake asked in amazement. At Luke's nod, he hugged Luke tightly. "Oh thank you! Thank you, Master Skywalker!"
"You're welcome!" Luke laughed, patting him on the back. He pushed Grunt away, just a bit, "but I am going to check up on you. You'd better not be slacking off!"
Grunt shook his head.
"N-No sir! I won't slack off! Not a bit!"
"Good," Luke said, "you'd better start making a list of things you need. We'll get them together. I'll bring my ship over and we can start fixing this place up before I leave."
"Before you leave?" Grunt asked. Luke nodded.
"It's a big galaxy, and there's a lot of work to do," he said. Grunt smiled.
"I... I understand," he said, "still, uh... One... One last thing, Master Skywalker, sir?"
"What?"
Grunt tapped his fingers together nervously.
"Can... Can I keep the name?" He asked.
Luke stared at Grunt... And shook his head with a wry smile.
"Not on your life... But! You're free to choose your own name. And I'll call you it."
Grunt grinned, tears again threatening to erupt from his eyes.
"Then I choose... Revan Starkiller!"
He looked over at Luke, grinning expectantly. Luke sighed and chuckled.
"If that's what you want? Go right ahead..."
- - -
Because samurai films inspired Star Wars and using some Samurai tropes wouldn't go amiss, would they?