Thus Buzzes the Babylon Bee

Far-Right Apostle Paul Bans Teaching Critical Race Theory In Churches
JERUSALEM—Known conservative and far-right zealot the Apostle Paul has banned teaching critical race theory in churches in a scathing letter to the Galatians, sources have confirmed.

In a brutal rebuke, Paul dismantled the idea that we should classify people primarily according to their racial groups, pointing out that in Christ Jesus, we are all one.

"There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus," the dangerous conspiracy theorist wrote, effectively banning all Christian churches from teaching CRT. By dismantling the idea that anything except Christ should be our primary source of identity and oneness in the church, the Apostle Paul undermined the very foundation of critical race theory, upsetting many progressives in churches throughout Asia Minor.

"CRT is just a lens to look at Scripture through -- just a tool we use sometimes," said one female pastor of a house church in Corinth. "We can redeem it for the gospel."

Paul is currently prepping a letter to rebuke the female pastor both for her support of CRT and for being a female pastor.

Further correspondence from Paul also banned the teaching of critical race theory by arguing that Jesus Christ has dismantled the hatred between races through the power of the cross, with the right-wing wacko saying, "For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility."

What a nutjob!
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Tragic news for the New Zealand. Women's Olympic Weightlifting Team

babylonbee.com

Female Weightlifter Suffers Tragic Testicle Injury Just Weeks Before Tokyo Olympics

WELLINGTON, NEW ZEALAND—100% totally female weightlifter Laurel Hubbard was forced to bid farewell to her Olympic dreams yesterday after a tragic accident left her with a severely lacerated testicle. Hubbard would have been the first transgender woman to compete in the Olympics. The injury is...
babylonbee.com babylonbee.com
 
Scraped from NotTheBee...



Way too few of these people have ever seen what happens when a human fights a goose, those things have no problem hospitalizing a healthy full-grown man. I would absolutely take on the cobra and medium-sized dog before the goose. The eagle's going to be more dependent on what kind, there're some pretty small breeds of fish-eating eagles I could wring like a dishrag but a golden eagle can kill and carry off a sheep, and harpy eagles are strong enough to casually shatter bone.

I'm mildly amused that more people thought they'd win a bare-knuckle fight with an elephant than a grizzly bear.
 
Bear Ribs said:
Scraped from NotTheBee...

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This graph is a shocking, I say a shocking display of a callous disregard for and oppression of American culture and heritage!

'If unarmed.' Like any self-respecting American wouldn't be packing heat when they step out for the annual scrimmage with nature!

I'd like to see statistics on how the Brits would compare in a setting that isn't twisted to drastically favor them over us!
 
So I don't really know, is the Kangaroo in a reasonable place on the list? It looks off to me, my kneejerk suggests a Kangaroo shouldn't more dangerous than a Chimpanzee on the face of it but I'm not familiar enough with them to say.
 
1 out of 10 people think they could beat a croc unarmed.

We truly live in the stupidest timeline.

Bear Ribs said:
So I don't really know, is the Kangaroo in a reasonable place on the list? It looks off to me, my kneejerk suggests a Kangaroo shouldn't more dangerous than a Chimpanzee on the face of it but I'm not familiar enough with them to say.
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Kangaroo kicks can disembowel you.
 
Bear Ribs said:
Almost as many think they could take an elephant barehanded.

I'm presuming they've never seen an elephant. I remember one at Marine World Africa USA winning a tug-o-war with an entire highschool pretty vividly.
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I don't think a human being could even do anything to an elephant barehanded.

You could probably punch it in the side, and it wouldn't even register it as an attack.
 
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