Yinko
Well-known member
Post-post-apocalyptic perspectives on modern society.
1500 AEF
"In what year did the Anxient Empire implement negligent senescence? ...Anyone? Yes, Taxdoodle?"
"50 BEF"
"Close enough!"
"Sir?"
"Yes Mexwhippet?"
"Isn't it a bit of a coincidence that the Anxients developed functional immortality just a few decades before they fell, and then that the successor states that rose from the ashes wanted nothing to do with their legacy?"
"Don't be ridiculous! All the surviving Anxient texts indicate that they were an enlightened people who loved art and music, there is nothing to suggest that these ridiculous conspiracy theories about Anxient self-destructive tendencies are real. See me after class!"
I can't help but let out a sigh. Over a thousand years later and universities are still the same. Just wish I could figure out why the poor bastard was named after a mix of a dog breed and a nationality. Shit's whack.
2000 AEF
"Of course they were pedophilic! I can't believe you are even questioning this. Some of the best records we have are of their music, going back long before the period of their fall, and most all of the romantic forms use the term 'baby'. As we all know the term 'baby' referred to a prepubescent child, ergo they were trying to seduce children. This is not complicated!"
"What if they were just using it as a term of endearment?"
"I can't believe I have to deal with this shit. Alright, look, one of the best know sources their music, shows up everywhere, what does this line say? 'sometimes I feel like a sexy baby' if it were a term of endearment, then why would the singer not only be using it in the first person singular but also add additional sexualizing language to it? Ridiculous!"
3500 AEF
"As we can see from the so called Priestess Cache the core figure involved is an apparent female, wearing religious garb and pointy toed shoes. As we know from other sites, pointy shoes are a social indicator of penis length, and in the centuries preceding the end of the Enshiant Aimpyr the cult of the holy hermaphrodite had taken power. Therefore I humbly suggest that the Priestess Cache is actually the Priest Cache!"
*gasp*
"Do you seriously expect us to believe this ludicrous claim without any corroborating evidence?"
"But I do have corroborating evidence! In an adjacent cache, labeled as Pit P3X-214 they uncovered cultic idols of the same artistic stylization which were physically feminine yet featured massive engorged phalluses!"
"So what? The cult of the divine hermaphrodite is already established fact? There is no relation between these two instances."
"Except! They have been dated to the same period, have the same form of stylization and are physically near one another. This shows that these cultic idols were being used at the same time and at the same place. Excuse me if I am skeptical of the assumption that a function as powerful as the Futic Cult would allow competitors to function within their sacred spaces."
God fucking damn it! Academics never fucking learn, no matter how many papers I publish.
8000 AEF
"So we can clearly see that towers are the simplest way for primitive peoples to build tall structures and this whole notion of some kind of advanced globe-spanning society is nothing but mythology and non-sense."
"That may be true, but what about the so called Tetic Roads?"
"Nothing more than volcanic tar spilling forth in a river and covering gravel banks from old stream beds. We've been over this, stop bringing up solved problems! If there had been an advanced society then why is there no evidence along coastlines, you know where people tend to live?"
"Maybe because the seas have risen dozens of hexobs in the past ten thousand years!"
"Oh, so now it's ten, I thought before it was six!?"
This version was a waste. Guess I should wait till the next round.
