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"The last time I met a white walker I was fourteen, I emasculated their god and had sex with his daughter in a blizzard!" ...which yeah...he literally did. TFW Conan is probably Loki's granddad in Marvel since it counts Howard books as canon and Conan cuckolded Laufey's dad...after surviving a...

Conan's murderous indignation and fury would likely match my own intense hatred of self insert/bodyswap fanfiction. Any way, he'd probably just tell Darry to go fuck himself at the first opportunity, murder all of Robert's assassins and likely send their corpses back with a note that reads "By...