A Warboss's Retirement Plan [Warhammer 30k SI]

Prologue

SirBearington

Well-known member
Prologue

He looked down upon the crude, kitbashed, holographic display showing a thousand star systems highlighted in green. There seated upon a comfortable throne, he inspected his holdings and found the borders caved. Before him was the map of the entirety of his empire and right at its border highlighted in gold and denoted with the double headed aquila was the enemy at the gates. In one lifetime, he would have rooted for the men under the aquila but today was a different existence, for he was no longer a man and this was an age where there was only war.

“Bozz, the beakie’s fleet has just arrived at the edge of the system anz oh boy there’z a lot of them ‘ere.” One of his men said, a gigantic ork wearing minimal armor, in passable high gothic as he pointed at the spots of golden light streaking straight for the heart of his empire.

He hummed for a bit as he looked at the display before his attention was caught by a meek little human trying to keep her head low as she pushed a large cart containing large tankards of beer. She was one of the human servants that he saved from the slaughter. It was either the frying pan or this; he might no longer be human but he still had some humanity left. He grabbed one as the others jostled for who to get, growling warningly if one of his nobs looked like he was getting a bit hungry.

With his thirst sated, he reached towards the display and gestured for it to zoom in and on each light he’d see the symbol of the legion they were affiliated with. There amongst the ships were the expected symbols of the Omega, a slitted red eye, and a red lightning bolt; but there were those bearing a stylized black first along with a winged eagles claw. They were an unexpected addition to this decapitation strike. He started counting at the green dots and found that his fleet was outnumbered three to one.

“Well color me surprised. They’re sending in five of them here? Ha, thought they’d only send in three.” He barked out a laugh as he gently placed his beer down on the table before him. It was concerning yes but he couldn’t help but smile along with the boys. It was going to be a good fight, he could feel it in his bones.

“So boss, what do we do?” Asked his right hand ork as the stooped weird boy held on his banner. His eyes crackled with green energy.

“We bleed them out. Our fleet will not last long against those 5. Crack open the vaults to the nice shootas and big choppas.” He responded as he got off his seat, stretching a bit, and worked on the kinks on his shoulder. He was getting restless and the prospect of a fight was making it worse. “Arm everyone, even the gretchen. Have them crew the larger weapons.”

“The one you had Gearhead and his crew make all year long?” another Nob asked with glee in his beady little eyes.

“That vault.” He replied with a widened green as he reached for his helm. The stylized orkoid face looking back at him, grinning back at him as if hungry for battle. Well, it certainly wouldn’t be hungry for long with the awaiting blood bath. “Abandon the cities, let them take it. We’re going to the fortresses.” He ordered as he placed his helmet on. It might impede his vision but it was better than having no head at all.

“And miss out on the fightin when they start droppin?” A disgruntled nob wearing power grumbled out. The room became deadly quiet as Magsnik stared at the nob who looked around nervously. His grip tightened at the handle of his adamantine hammer. Flipping his maul so that the spiked end was facing forwards, he reached out with his weapon and pulled the Nob by digging the spike on his armor.

His muscle bulged at the effort of dragging the Ork down but he had to send a message as he growled at his face slowly. “We’re not missing out on the fighting. We’re just taking the fight where it's going to be the most brutal. Down in the tunnels, there’s no cover.“ he explained to him in pain-staking detail.

He could see the gears grinding in the orks head as he looked crossed eyes down on his tusk before a smile stretched across his face. “Yes boss, I get it now! That’s why you is the boss! Yur definitely one of ‘dem brain boyz! ” He nodded eagerly as he grinned at him. He had to suppress a groan of disappointment as he pulled his hammer off the orks armor. Sometimes, he wondered if this was really worth it.

“Any objections?” He grounded out, waiting for any to make a move but the shakes of their heads and their averted gaze told him their answers. “Then what’s with the thumb fiddling here? Get up you lot, the turrets in the mountain aren't going to arm themselves!” He shouted as he slammed the butt of his maul down on the floor.

That spurred them into action as they quickly filtered out of the room. He looked down on them as they passed by him and waited for them to get out before he could give his final orders. Once they were gone, he pointed at the lone servant left in the room. “You, come here,” he ordered, making the girl squeak as walked towards him. “Get every servant to safety. Evacuate the palace. Things are going to get ugly.” He said as he pulled out a small stubber from one of his pouches and gave it to her as a symbol of her authority. The girl nodded as she took the gun and ran off.

Fiddling with knobs on his belt, he finally got the setting right and smashed the button over the buckle and he was tossed in the immaterium. The wailing sea of souls rejected his orkiness as he shot through it, punching anyone that got too close, before he felt the large concentration of orks nearby and he slammed the button again to which he found himself deposited on the train station where orks of all sizes were boarding their transport. With the sky burning as lances of fire streaked across the heaven, it wouldn’t take long before they came down to the ground.

-x-x-x-

He expected this, he’d been preparing for this but when the news came, he still felt he wasn’t ready. “Bozz Magsnik! Bozz Magsnik! The Beakies are ‘ere! They be droppin like you said they would!” Shouted an ork messenger as he burst into the room, disturbing him from his planning with the boys. He straightened up as he stared at the orks excited face as the cave he was in shooked. The plasteel reinforced ferrocrete pillars the mountain complex cracked despite how they were wider than he was tall and he towered over the other green skinned monsters inside this room.

“Gitzappa, prepare the Weirdboyz.” He ordered as he walked towards the nearby window to the battlefield. He was currently inside a bunker where his men could shoot the enemy with impunity. He could be in those underground bunkers but he needed to see things with his own eyes. Currently, some of his own nobs were using the mounted shoota’s to spray and pray to the aircraft buzzing by.

Protected by several feet of reinforced ferrocrete, he overlooked the war torn from one of the vantage points of his mountain fortress as the battle raged on from down below. Millions of soldiers of the Imperialis Auxilia assaulted them from all sides, marching along their Leman Russ and supported by their basilisk as they climbed up the slopes of the mountain. The very skies burned as the massive drop ships of the Legio Titanicus and the shells of Nova cannons rained from above. The ground itself trembled as thousands of astartes launched themselves at his defenses but he did not fret for this is exactly what he wanted.

Along with the dropships came the burning hulks of both his own and imperial warships falling from the sky, burning and crushing both humans and orks alike. The sky was lit up as his fortresses' anti air batteries spewed a storm of lead. Men and Astartes alike fell as his forces ambushed them in close quarter combat as these soldiers were forced to fight in the claustrophobic trenches and tunnels dotting his mountain fortress.

“It’s almost like Iwo Jima.” he chuckled out as he watched with a feral grin on his ugly mug. With five legions barreling straight for his fortress world, he knew the fight would be a tough one. It could be won, he just needed to last longer than they could. A decapitation strike was good for his kind but that could lead to them being trapped behind enemy lines.

“Wuzzat bozz?” One of his Nobz asked as the large ork scratched his head. He suppressed a groan at that. He sometimes wished he had someone to talk to that doesn’t require him punching and beating someone but alas, he was an ork. Any talk will eventually devolve into a fight or a challenge.

“Nevermind, just get ready to evacuate to the next fortress. We’re taking this fight elsewhere. For now though.” he turned to his standard bearer who came with the weirdboyz as instructed. They twitched and mumbled as they hooked to tha banner. The baleful green glow in the eyes of the skull atop the banner was a good sign.

He walked up to the banner and grabbed hold of it. Immediately, power flowed through his veins. Green lightning danced across his skin and down his hammer. They lashed out, singing and striking randomly until he started to exert his might. The lightning turned inward, arching around the banner and his weapon. With this power contained in hand, he raised his hammer and pointed at one of the titans belonging to the Colegio Mortis. Its grizzly form is covered with the skulls of both orks, xenos, and humans alike as it waded around the battlefield. He found a target and nothing in the battlefield right now was more worth his attention as the giant started digging through the tunnels at the side of the mountain.

He breathed in and started pulling at the force of the horde below, drawing at the power permeating every orkoid in this very planet. His lungs filled with not just air but power as the air around him shimmer. Pressure quickly built up as his body was forced to contain the power of the horde, channeled to him by the screaming and roaring weirdboyz around him. His head feeling like it was going to burst, and indeed some of the weirdboyz around him had their heads pop, yet his hammer helped him channel it, drawing it away from his body and preventing it from building up too much. He held on to this raw untapped force until he couldn’t anymore.

Thrusting his hammer out, He bellowed out, letting his roar carry out and directing the psychic energy of a billion orcs ark out and hit the Titan squarely on the chest. A million tons of steel was lifted off its feet and sent back tumbling back. It’s colossal form crashing against the hard ground, crushing its allies and his own forces as green smoke plumed from its chest. He laughed out maniacally as he felt his blood sing while the force of the WAAAGH bled off.

The weirdboyz around him were left twitching and drooling after being made to channel that much energy. He pulled at his banner, tearing the connection tethering it to them as he handed it back to his standard bearer. He was in no position to talk about toughing it out as his own mind felt like it was being apart. Only his superior constitution as a warboss allowed him to keep going.

With that display of power, his position would soon be focused upon. He needed to get out here soon else he’d be eating Nova Shells as breakfast. He turned around to see his Nobs cheering and shouting as they raised their shoota’s and choopa’s. “What the hell did I just say? Go on you lot! Scram!” He shouted as he backhanded the nob he commanded earlier with his hammer. A good knock on the head was the quickest way to send his orders across as they scrambled to their feet and ran off.

“I swear these idiots…” he growled out as he shook his head and went to follow them. This mountain was a bust and they’d soon overwhelm it. The next nearest mountain was a thousand miles away and he fully expected one idiot to have the “bright idea” of leaving him behind. Running there would be a pain especially in the cramped tunnels and he did not like the prospect of traveling that far through the warp.

Just as he was about to leave this room, he heard shouting from outside along with the tell tale explosions of a bolter exploding as it hit the Plasteel reinforced ferrocrete of his bunker as well as retaliatory fire from his own men. What peeked his ears were not the gun fire of heavy bolters but the roar of chainswords and the crackling of some energy weapons. He immediately hit his panic button and the alarm claxons rang out and bathed the room in a red light.

The grin on his face turned feral as he burst out of the room and came face to face with the power armor clad form of a Terminator. He had to give credit where it was due as the man immediately aimed his heavy bolter at his head and sprayed lead right at his face. Unfortunately for the man, he was currently wearing a helmet and it pinged off his head uselessly.

He swung his hammer and he savored the sound and feeling of the warriors armor crumpling as he was launched to the wall. The hallway he walked into was large enough to allow a small Gargant to walk around and here was a sizable contingent of white armor clad Astartes led by an absolutely gigantic superhuman wielding a power claw on one hand and a maul on the other. The bald head, the wolf pelt and that singular eye upon his chest piece told him who he was facing.

“Ahhh, the infamous Horus Lupercal of the Luna Wolves.” He shouted in greeting as he raised his hand and fired at the Primarch with the modified Stormbolter strapped on his left arm.

He never saw such bullshit as the man swiped his claw and vaporized his shots even when he was clearly surprised. “High Gothic?” The superhuman shouted in surprise as Magsnik was forced to deal with more Terminators. He blocked their swords, letting their tooth blade scratch his adamantine hammer before he pushed them away and they were blasted by his standard bearer's lightning.

“It’s a fucking pain to learn I swear, much less teaching to my nobs!” He shouted as he headed straight for the primarch who was clearly intent on killing him. He swiped his hammer, hitting and smashing everyone on his way as bloodlust tinted his vision green. He was going to smash that stupid smile spreading across the mans face.

The primarch laughed as he charged forward, passing by surprised Nobs and Terminators alike, and shouted in response “Hah! I never expected the day that I’d agree with an Ork of all things.”

They clashed and at first Horus proved to be the better fighter as he forced him back. He was far faster, more nimble even, and he made great use of it to get under his strikes. Magsnik was missing but soon he found his footing when he started bodying the primarch and using his bigger size and thicker armor. The warsmaster’s strikes might dig deeper into his flesh but he was tougher. He bullied the Primarch back as the fighting and claxons attracted every ork in the vicinity.

Magsnik pulled back to take a breather as feral gretchins and snotlings threw themselves at the Primarch as they burst out of the air vents from above. The little creatures proved their worth by showing the son of the emperor why he must always wear a helmet as he was bathed in blood and was blinded by it. The warboss didn’t waste his time as he started pelting his enemy with bolter fire for distraction.

“Enough of this!” Roared the primarch as he threw off the last gretchin only to find that he and his children were surrounded by Orks of all sizes. Magsnik laughed out loudly as the ground started to shake and a pair of glowing green eyes appeared from behind Magsnik and Horus.

“I concur.” Magsnik agreed as he started to pull at the WAAAGH and channeled it in his hammer just as a pair of small Stomaps appeared from the tunnel. Surrounded on all sides and with no way out, Magsnik roared as he sent his men to the brave and valiant men.

He would soon see Horus mobbed by a green tide giving Magsnik time to fiddle with his teleporter. Horus was fighting like a trapped squig as he sliced through orks left and right but that left him open as Magsnik slammed his hands on the big red button and appeared several feet above the Primarch. With the hammer raised up high, he fell down like a big damn Rok and slammed his hammer right on the Primarchs shoulder. The man feel down from the grievous injury and he was quickly beset by furious and suicidal marines yet it was for naught as their leader was rendered unconscious from the shock leaving them without direction.

He stood atop a pile of Marines as he stared down at the unconscious form of the primarch. “You will make for a useful bargaining tool.” He chuckled out as he reached down and picked the Warmaster up for he had a plan, he always had a plan.

-x-x-x-

With Horus stripped of armor and dragged in chains, Magsnik strolled into battle with his banner attached to his back. The moment he stepped out of his fortress door with the Warmaster in hand, the battlefield seemed to come to a stop as his men turned to him and cheered while the Astarte’s morale dropped as they faltered in their charge. There in front of him was the greatest general of the imperium in chains and collared like a common criminal.

“Soldiers of the Imperium!” He called out, letting his voice ring out across the battlefield. “Stand down and your Warmaster might live longer!'' He demanded as he kicked the battered form of the primarch. His right shoulder was a mess but it was a pragmatic choice on his part. He would not live a day longer if Horus died now. With his hammer resting on his shoulder and his banner fluttering in the wind, he looked at the battlefield as it grinded to a halt.

“Boyz, let the Beakies have time to think.” He added with a cruel laugh, hamming up his action to get the attention of his men. Thankfully, the Orks held back and fell back to their defensive position. Any Ork smart enough to disobey were dispatched by the wall of guns called his mountain fortress.

That quickly put a damper on the action as he effectively forced a ceasefire down the invaders throats. Combat quickly grinded to a halt as he felt every gun on the enemy's side trained their way towards him. He feared them not for he had someone in between them and his fleshy body. Out from the enemy line stepped a heavily armored astartes clad in artisanal purple armor with the symbol of the imperium proudly used as his own symbol.

“What’s stopping us from turning your head into paste, Ork?” The Phoenician asked as he could practically feel the hundreds of red dots appearing on the forehead of his armor. The venom and hate dripping from those words was almost palpable and he reveled in it.

“I’m glad you asked.” He replied as he raised his clenched fist and the collar on Horus’s neck started to blink. “Wanna fuck around and find out, Phoenician?” He asked. The things you could do with simple and dirt cheap blinking lights was just amusing. One misstep however and he died.

“Why?” called out another voice, this time he couldn’t discern where it was but the dry and unamused yet intrigued voice hinted him on who it was.

“Asking for my demands, Praetorian? That would be simple really. Leave.” He demanded and even his own men were taken aback. Him, the warboss letting the enemy go? It was the most unorky of demands and no ork in their right mind would ask for a thing. Good thing he wasn’t fully orky inside his head. “Isn’t a temporary white peace more appealing for both of our sides than what we have now?” He asked.

This was what he wanted. Ullanor in the long run was fucked and there was no prospect of him ever touching his retirement plan if this battle was to continue. He needed the imperium off his back long enough for the Heresy to kick off. With him having one of the primarchs, he might just be able to force that. Everything was going according to his plans until things didn’t.

For a brief second, he felt an oppressive pressure descend on the battlefield. He felt four pairs of eyes settle on him until they faded away as a crushing, all encompassing feeling fell upon the battlefield. The battlefield was bathed in golden light before HE arrived.

Clad in golden armor and wielding a flaming sword, the master of mankind arrived in the battle. For a brief moment, Magsnik’s eyes met those terrible golden eyes and his spirit started to scream. He felt his feet step backward as overwhelming fear as his custodes started to appear though the very same portal He appeared from. For the first time in his new life, he once more felt fear. Instinct and his conscious mind warred inside him as he felt his throat lock up, his mouth hanging open as the man before him stepped forward with his ten thousand in his back.

All his plans came crashing down as the one person he wished to never personally meet was forced into battle. He knew deep in his bones that this hair brained scheme of his was the cause and now it was going to be a fight for a lifetime. He could already hear the twins roaring in his ears, demanding him to move forward but he couldn’t and so he did what any sane person in this insane galaxy would do given his situation.

“Fuck this! I’m out!” He shouted as he tossed the rock he had been holding on the ground before grabbing the banner on his back and thrusting it the the nearest ork. With little to no regards to his own safety, he overloaded his belt by breaking the button and teleported out of the situation. He was forced into the warp screaming and kicking as he was pulled in every which direction. The moment he fled, he felt the twins screaming at him while the sea of souls heaved and roiled. With no way to control where he would land, he floated around blind to the eternities. He swung his hammer around, using what meager energy was left in him to ward off the nipping creatures in the dark for untold ages until it ended as soon as it began.

He found himself crashing and tumbling in a pile of broken metal and rocks. He laid their broken and defeated yet whole and sane. “It actually worked…” He whispered out as he started laughing. He turned to his back and there he beheld a sky filled with stars and around him were the broken remains of hundreds if not thousands of ships.

He did not know where he was and he could not feel the WAAAGH anywhere. He was lost out in space in some unknown space hulk and it suited him just fine. He took in a deep breath and found that the air was thin but that was fine, he was an ork after all. He tried to get up but he found himself weakened, severely so as the armor he wore and the weapon he wielded felt like its actual weight. The WAAAGH left him just as he had left his WAAAGH.

“This… is unexpected but I can work with this.” He declared. He was tired and drained but he was very much still alive. Even if his limbs weren’t so strong anymore, he now had time aplenty to spend in this little corner of the galaxy, he found a place where war has yet to reach. He was not really cut out for all this war stuff anyways, might as well retire.

“My name is Magsnik Kogchewa and I’m officially retired.” He called out to no one as he forced himself up. With his heavy maul in hand, he started to walk in search of a place to make a house in this strange space hulk with its atmosphere and strange heavy gravity.

“This place isn’t exactly bad.” He declared as his foot found actual silicate rock. Maybe he could actually make this work but he really needed to find a spot to settle down first as his armor needed to be pulled off. A good dark cave would be nice to settle in, somewhere cool, damp and, most importantly of all, hidden away from the prying eyes up in the sky. He was in a space hulk so a trip to the warp from time to time wouldn’t be too out of the question. He also needed it to contain plenty of rock to smash and make soil using his blood and spores. He couldn’t exactly farm in solid metal… well he could be whatever he made wouldn’t taste good.

Unbeknownst to him however, amidst the countless junk and debris that covered this space hulk, two pairs of glowing red eyes watched from a distance. The owner of those eyes watched him, staring intently before a blood thirsty grin stretched across their face.

A/N:

As always, from here on out, I'd like to remind you that I have a patreon page! You guys are bringing me closer to being able to literally live off my passion. You guys rock!. also have a Ko-Fi page and a Subscribe Star. There's also this discord page. The Soviet grind is easy.
 
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Chapter 1: Homesteading 101

SirBearington

Well-known member
Homesteading 101

Magsnik raised his heavy maul up high in the air even as his muscles ached from the effort, sweat dripping down his brow as he roared; bringing it down as hard as he could upon his target. Stone was pulverized, Ferrocrete broken, and the metal within bent as the former warboss toiled away; crushing the debris around the edge of his growing farm. The mycelium might be able to break everything down, eventually, to usable soil but smashing things to smithereens made it faster.

He toiled away at the hard ground while the soft green and blue glow of the tree-like mushrooms growing near the edge of his farm illuminated the area. Looking above, he’d see the large and claw-like pieces of rock and ships reaching up into the void at the edge of the crater his farm resided within. Up there in the sky above hung a huge tear in reality, staring down at his humble farm like the eyes of a great reptilian beast. It formed above his home not too long after he arrived. At first it was small, barely comparable to that of the Eye but it grew larger until it grew as wide as the crater. He had an inkling of how it was formed, as it had stopped growing after a while, staying as a large black tear above the starry sky.

This was where he now lived, right inside one of the craters dotting this gigantic hulk which drifted in space on its lonesome. Nestled right in the middle of it all was his home and he made it his mission to expand the farm until the entire crater was filled with life. It was just him, his farm and the tools he bought with him. Turning back to the rubble, he grunted as he went back to work, “There’s no one to talk to…”

After breaking one last boulder, he finally decided to call it a day. He sat his hammer down before pulling the gourd he had strapped to his hips. Pulling off the cork, he allowed himself a good long sip of precious water. The cold melt-water was quite the refreshing drink, especially after a day's work. Speaking of work, he looked at the sizable patch of rubble he made and nodded in appreciation. It was slow progress but each day brought him closer to finally expanding the mushroom forest to the point that he’d have some snotling around to bully, though he was a touch bit apprehensive at that.

He was quickly reminded why as the soil nearby burst open revealing a newly born squig. The fat, squat thing which was more a mouth with two legs than anything else shook itself off the amniotic fluid that dripped from its dark red skin before it caught a whiff of the ork. It turned around and caught sight of him. The fungoid creature had just woken up and it chose violence as it roared out and charged at him with unsteady legs.

Magsnik let out a groan but he wasn’t one to complain about a boon, despite the fact that said boon thought he was an affront to nature. He jabbed his hammer at its face, making it stumble over on its back disoriented; which made his job of catching it a whole lot easier. He picked up the feisty little bugger before tossing it on the large woven basket strapped to his back, closing it tightly to avoid any unwanted accidents.

“One more Squig to fatten up,” He whispered to himself with a satisfied smile as he started scouring the rubble for any usable metal. He tossed the ceremite shards back to the pile as he searched for the precious metals such as adamantine shards with which he could make plows and pans with. After looting everything of worth and with a basket full of metal alongside a lone squig and his maul strapped to his side, he made his way back to his house.

He passed by the groves of tree-shrooms with his eyes on the edge of the path for any signs of anything worth foraging and he was rewarded for his vigilance. He saw the telltale sign of a lone red capped mushroom amongst the greens and blues. He quickly made his way through the underbrush, making sure to avoid the landmine like puffballs that were all too common, before his eyes lay upon the bloody treat.

He knelt down to peer at the small precious things, barely the size of his thumb but the green and yellow flecks told him what it was. “Speckled Bloodshade Fungus, I’ve been meaning to start a garden of these. I can finally hunt some demons and not worry about bleeding out.” He whispered to himself as he reached down and started uprooting the medicinal mushrooms, making sure to get only the ripe ones so he could sprinkle the spores into the pots he made at home.

Placing them inside his special leather pouch, he finally sat up and continued on his merry way. He finally cleared the forest and came upon the field of his farms. He passed by lines of rutted gob-busters with their white, round and pitted fruiting body grew along with various other fungi. Giant, waist high Enoki like mushrooms swayed with the wind like stalks of a wheat. His hands passed by the sea of gold as he plucked the head of one and popped it in his mouth. The crunchy, nutty and bread-like taste made them all tempting to just eat raw but they were better harvested and processed for their flour. There were also giant morels, bundles of green colored mushroom that looked like if you made cabbages with hen of the wood, bunches of purplish mushroom that looked like lettuce if there were made with oyster mushrooms, and clumps of the meaty and fleshy beef steak looking mushroom along with a smorgasbord of others fungi.

“Just a few more days.” He muttered as he could finally have some surplus again. He didn’t know how long exactly it took but it was 30 or so sleep cycles before his harvest was ready; scary fast but hey, Orks breed fast so an equally fast crop was needed to feed them all. “At least the old ones were neurotic enough to make a crop to support the Orks.”

He made sure to grab some of the beefstakes and fed some of it to the ravenous sguig in his basket, who quickly became distracted from trying to chew its way out, as he walked up the cottage he’d made. It might have looked like a giant brown mushroom with its sloped and curved brown roof and white rounded walls but it was home. “At least it doesn’t look like a fly agaric.” He muttered as he walked up the steps up to his house.

He veered off and went around to the back so he could drop off his loot. His backyard contained both his squig pens as well as his workshop. The fat green squigs immediately charged at him only to be stopped by the thick cage he made out of twisted metals. He wasn’t taking any chances with these fuckers as he reached for the squig in his back and tossed it inside with the rest before he started feeding with them the beefsteaks.

He frowned as one of the squigs, the oldest one which had turned green just yesterday, wasn’t giving him hate filled glares but looks of recognition and joy? It jumped up to him eagerly while its tongue was lolled out. He made sure to give it an extra piece as he dared hope it was friendly, he missed his lap squig.

Dumping the scrap metal in the pile of scraps in his workshop, he finally made his way inside his house. Entering the back door, he came upon his barebones kitchen with its spartan cupboard and utilitarian furniture. There was no flare and it felt empty with how large it was but he’d work on it. It was just a large rectangular room with one side dedicated to cooking with a brick oven to make his bread and a pit for cooking his stews and another side dedicated to eating with a long table fit for a whole extended family.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have made a two story house already…” he muttered to himself as he grabbed some juicy ‘fruit’ in the basket sitting atop the table and took a bite out of it.

The green flesh tasted sweet and tangy, almost like oranges, as its juices dripped down his chins. He wiped the juices from his and chomped the rest down before he got to planting his medicinal mushroom. Picking one of the empty pots by the window, he then pulled the mushroom out and dusted the rich dark soil with the spores of the cap.

He almost dropped the pot and the mushroom when he suddenly heard some earthen ware breaking along with wood splintering. He turned around and listened for some sound. His fine tuned sense soon picked up the sound of crunching and slurping from his underground cellar. “Fuck, did a squig just spawned inside my house? I swore I had the cellars lined with plasteel,” He cursed out as he sat the pot down and went to investigate.

He set his maul aside and picked up his rolling pin. His house might be big but he didn’t have enough space to swing his hammer around and he did not want to replace another wall panel. Light on his step, he crept up to the stairs leading down to the cellar below. He grabbed on to one of the glowing mushrooms he had growing on the post before heading down the stairs.

The sound of munching and chewing got louder but accompanied it was moaning? That didn’t sound familiar or even remotely orky at all. He might be cut off from the WAAAGH, but he still had his wits with him! He sniffed at the air and noticed the distinct smell of the Eldari along with the sickly sweet scent permeating the air, almost like the scent of fermenting fruit, but mixed with the scent of wild flowers of all things. He couldn’t quite make out which creature this scent came from as it was everywhere. It even had the tainted smell of chaos, of burning brimstone but far more muted like that of the possessed; but it wasn’t at the same time there was also the earthy and nutty scent of truffles of all things. Suffice to say, he was fucking confused. Still, he wouldn’t know what it was until he opened the door.

Steeling his nerves, he opened the door and charged in. With his rolling pin in hand, he roared out a war cry as he barreled towards the dark red shape in the corner, “WAAAGH-at the fuck woman. Why the hell are you eating my squig dogs raw!?” He shouted in outraged bewilderment as he beheld the small hunched form of a beautiful white haired humanoid with equally white horns. The woman's sharp looking suit contrasted heavily with the mess covering her mouth and the table napkin she had tied around her neck. The floor beneath his sizzled as the purpley goo of a saliva she had ate through the wooden flooring.

She stood there frozen as she was half way through an entire link of Squig Sausages, the exact same sausages he had stuffed with truffles he found growing, his celebratory sausages he made from his first slaughter, and there she was eating it without even cooking it! What’s worse was she held the flask of truffle oil and based on the yellow stains on her bib, she had been drinking it. “You know, I wouldn’t be as angry as I am right now if you actually cooked that.” He complained as the woman swallowed the piece she was eating before pointing at him in surprise.

“By the four, a cognizant ork!” She shouted in surprise before she grabbed a nearby barrel of fungus beer and lifted it up and placed the rim against her lips which had his eyes twitching in annoyance. The gall of this woman.

“Holy shit! A bitch of a daemon eating my stuff!” He shouted as she pointed at the woman who gagged and coughed as she set the barrel down.

“I was hungry, ok?!” She complained with a light dusting of a pink on her cheeks as she wiped at them with his napkin.

“But that doesn’t excuse you for not cooking it!” He complained as he walked up to the woman and grabbed whatever food he could salvage from this weird deamon’s eating binge. Half eaten links of sausages, half spilled bottles of pickled mushrooms, ham hocks with bites on them, melted cheese wheels from whatever corrosive saliva she had, and other such travesties. He took a sniff of all of it and found it wasn’t as offending as he expected. He could work with this.

“But the smell was just heavenly!~ Your batch of fermented meats are quite delectable while your cheese, oh my it almost reminds me of father’s brew with all the complex flavors it contained! The creamy saltiness was just superb. I just couldn’t help myself, I had to have a taste now.” She complimented and praised him as she tried finding more food to munch on but he picked her up by the collar before she could do more damage.

“What are you? Some Nurgling or something?” He asked as he carried her up the stairs.

“Oho? You know who I am, Is it really that obvious?” She asked smugly before he dropped her on the ground. She pouted as she started up at him. “You don’t believe me do you?” She asked as she slowly got up and dusted herself before removing the napkin she had tied around his neck.

“I would be feverish by now if you were one of the fat fuck’s kid. You also aren’t rotting or even remotely green. You’re as red as a Khornite with the great fashion sense of the saner Slaaneshi,” He replied, making her chuckle out. He raised a brow at her strange reaction to what he called the Grandfather.

Running her hand through her hair, she gestured widely as she introduced herself, “Oh, but I am. Let me introduce myself. My name is Beelzebub, the Lady of Famine and Decay, Ku’gaths’ bane, the Great Devourer, and Nurgles prodigal daughter at your service!” She replied with a flourish and a bow.

“As for my color and appearance, I’d have to thank the three for that. Taking a bite out of father’s favorite after eating my other siblings was a tad bit much for him. Shame, he was rather tasty, like your food actually!” He did not know if he should be offended or angry at her comment. “If not for my Uncles and dear Aunt, I’d be locked in my room but here I am, free as any other to do as I wish, adventuring out in the mortal realms and sleeping under the stars.”

“Magsnik.” He replied as he offered his hands for a shake. She gave quite the firm one in return as she smiled up to him.

“That’s quite the orky name for a big fellow like yourself.” She complimented him. Well, she was certainly laying it thick, he had to give her that.

“So you’re effectively banished from the warp and now you’re mooching off me because you haven’t eaten something in ages?” He then asked her, making her wince at his accusation. He snorted as he laid down the ingredients in the kitchen counter before chopping them up into smaller, bite-sized chunks.

“I was waiting for your food to ripen… but yes. As crude as your words are, there is some truth to them. I am but a humble wanderer looking for something to eat.” The woman replied, quickly recovering her composure as he heard her sneak up behind him. He set his knife aside and swatted the woman's hand, scolding her for trying to sneak a bite on his ingredients.

“Stay at the table and you’ll have your fill.” He replied, not wanting to spoil their food any more than what she already did. He gave her a glare to which she smiled and raised her hands in surrender. She walked back to the table and picked a seat close to where he sat, much to his chagrin, but she wasn’t going to budge anytime soon.

“Thank you.” She replied, all uncharacteristically non daemon-like as she waited in earnest. Her spade tail swayed behind her as she rested her arm on the table and leaned against them. He grunted as he turned his attention to the meal he was preparing.

“You’re lucky you’re actually worth talking to.” He grumbled out as he grabbed some mushrooms the smells of onions and chopped them up to go with the truffles.

“I try,~” The woman smugly replied as she preened from the simple praise. He shook his head as he grabbed his trusty cauldron and carried it over to the fire pit. Getting the fire started, he waited till the pan was hot enough to get water rolling on its surface before tossing in the chopped up meat to render out the fat and brown it.

“So, what’s with the look? I know you’re more of a Chaos Undivided gal but I expected you to take more from your old man.” He asked, As she wasn’t exactly Nurgling material. She had some curves on her but not to the excessiveness of a Nurgling nor the sensuality of a Slaaneshi. She bordered on the form of motherly but not quite yet. She didn’t look soft either, with a certain firmness in her form. He would have chalked off her being a Tzeentchian but she had a razor sharp wit. She did have that rotting scent but it was a pleasant one, just overwhelming.

“Oh I do. I’m just taking a more appealing form.” She answered as she heard bones breaking and flesh warping making him groan out. He refused to look up as he took the cooked meat before he tossed in the truffle along with a healthy sprinkling of other aromatic and spicy ‘herbs and chilies’. Gob Busters were always the best things to add. They tasted so spicy and filling, the onion-like shroom came next after the truffles became fragrant.

“Forget what I asked then,” He replied, waving it off as he heard her return to her usual form. He knew there was something more hidden behind that charming smile she had. He tossed the ingredients around, letting them get to know each other before leaving them for a bit to get the stock he had prepared yesterday. He came back to see her stirring the ingredients with deft hands.

“Funny coming from an Ork,” She then said as he squinted at her but chose not to kick her away as he added in the stock while she stirred everything up.

“I could say the say to you as well Daemon,” He replied as he gave her a look; he wasn’t the only one hiding something and two could play at the detective game.

“Touche.” She replied, giving up so easily that it came as a surprise. He nodded along as he waited for the thing to bubble for a bit before he added the cheese. She hummed before she went on, “I won’t pry on what you are so long as you don’t pry on what I am,~ sound good?”

“I make no promises but that sounds good,” He shrugged as he held his hand out so he could do the stirring.

“Come now, I’m not a Tzeenthician daemon. So long as you feed me, I’m satisfied.” She teased him as she gave him back his ladle.

“So you say,” He huffed in wry amusement as he watched the bubbling cauldron cook. With everything added in, he tossed in some fleshy puffballs and starchy mushrooms to make it hearty and filling, then grabbed one of the nearby stools and sat down, stirring from time to time to avoid having anything stick to the bottom of the pot.

He stared at the flames as they licked against the blackened steel. He reached out for them, letting his hands get cleansed by the open fire before he pushed against it. Sweat dripped down his brows as he tried squeezing out whatever power he could still make into the fire. He reached deep within, trying to dreg out the proverbial bottom of the barrel. For a brief second he saw the flames flicker green and that brought a smile to his face.

It was a slow process, rendering everything down to stick too in a low flame. He couldn’t achieve a very high temperature and pressure so he did the next best thing, cook it till everything was unrecognizable. Logs of white chitin based wood were thrown into the fire as he kept watch while keeping an irate and bored daemon at bay with liberal use of his ladle to the forehead but he suspected she was only trying now so she could have a taste of the sauce stuck to her forehead. She was a crazy little lady and he was stuck here having to feed her.

“Mmmm,~ what is that? It smells so heavenly.” She whispered into his ears as he felt her clamber up his back. He felt a bit tense with her so close, but he felt himself relax after a while. He felt himself sag at the realization that he might have been away from civilization for so long that he was ok with this; he had it bad.

“What? Didn’t your father teach you how to cook?” He asked without any heat in his tone as she hung on to him with her arms around his neck.

“Oh he did but he won’t share what he cooks. He kept sharing it with everyone. By the time he gave me some, it was but a mere speck.” She complained with an annoyed grimace and he found himself frowning as well. Who the hell would give their own child a small morsel of food? “He keeps saying that it’s a gift that grows but how can food grow if it’s already in my stomach!” She then added making him finally understand, no wonder she felt so clean; unlike the other times he’d had to face cults that sprang up among his servants.

“Hah, he sounds like an ass.” He chuckled as he scooped up a generous serving and took a sip. He felt his brows rise at the surprising taste it had. It had a bit of tang to it and the warmth it filled his stomach with was hard to describe. It almost reminded him of home, his real home away from this hell hole.

“He is! I don’t get why people like him so much and how they run away when I come to their aide. I only wanted their rations but no, they have to run to the nearest Farseer and the humans are no better with their Sisters of Silence.” She added with a pout earning her a chuckle from him.

“Well, that’s enough complaining. Here, have a taste of what you’ve been missing out on when you decided to raid my pantry without thinking.” He replied as he offered the ladle to the ravenous woman. She eagerly slurped it up, chewing on his ladle as she made it her mission to devour every last morsel she could get.

The moaning she made was extremely distracting to the point that he questioned if she was just a Slaaneshi masquerading as a Nurgling but the acidic goo dripping on his shoulder told him otherwise and it actually tickled. His only regret, and saving grace, was his lack of a tool to respond with but there was a phantom feeling and wasn’t it a bitch to deal with.

He sighed as he pulled on the ladle after she heard some crunching when there shouldn’t be and he found himself looking at a half eaten utensil. He stared at the purple goo as it ate away at his wooden ladle. He shrugged as he tossed it in the flame before reaching out for a replacement.

He rose away from the flame before letting the fire die out as he stirred the logs around. It had cooked for long enough and now it was time to eat. Grabbing one of the racks he had for his pot, he set the pot on the table before he warned Beel, “Do not eat it straight from the pot.”

With that warning, he went to grab some bowls and spoons to eat from. He came back to a perfectly immaculate pot with a patient Nurgling with her bib on once more as she waited for her meat, “Huh, half expect you to slurp some up while I look away.”

“And eat without you? You wound me.” She replied with a bright smile.

Without any fanfare, he started serving her some soup. He made sure to give her a generous serving as well in one of the uglier, but bigger, bowls he had. “Well, time to eat,” He replied as he sat down and dug in. He tried his best to ignore the lewd sounds she made but he just couldn’t. Not even chewing with his mouth open could stop him from hearing her orgasmic moans of pleasure.

“So, what brought you to my corner of this universe?” He asked as he tried a different approach to stop her and worked, it did. She stopped moaning as she chewed on her food before swallowing it down.

“Oh that? Well I just so happen to be in the right corner of the Warp when you tumbled through. The gaping hole you made in reality was quite the curious sight so I thought I’d observe it and lo and behold the one that caused it was far more interesting than it.” She admitted as she took another bite without a moan.

“You know about the nature of the tear?” He pressed on, actually curious this time around.

“Well not exactly but the Tzeenthcian I threw at it became quite familiar with it until he dissolved into raw Warp Energies. Earnie will be missed,” She replied solemnly. He nodded along as he kept up the small talk and he found her more than willing to converse. After nearly three months of being stuck here without anyone to talk to, it was a nice pace of change. It didn’t take long before both of them finished the small pot and boy could she eat.

He let out a mighty burp, making her giggle as she wiped her mouth clean. “Compliments to chef, that might have been the best meal I had in ages. Maybe even more so than Ku’gaths’ arm but jussst maybe,” She replied with a sigh of contentment.

“Well, off I go to bed! A nap after such a hearty meal is exactly what I need,” She replied as she stood up but she’ll find herself walking in air as she grabbed her by the back of her collar. “H-hey! Where do you think you're taking me?” She asked in panic as she tried prying his fingers off her suit but she’d find it harder than it looked.

“The talk was nice but it’s time for you to go. Here’s some mapple’s now off you go,” He answered courteously as he thrusted a basket of fresh fruits on the bewildered woman’s arms before dropping her off his front porch and locking the door behind him. He let out a sigh as he finally got her out. A fed visitor was way easier to toss out than a hungry one.

“Magsnik? Magsnik! Let me in! It’s cold out here and I’m lonely…” She called out pitifully as she banged her fist on the door but he chose to ignore her as he sat down on his rocking chair and grabbed one of the empty plates of wood and stared at it.

“Hmm… I should probably write a poem about that soup.” He muttered to himself as he tried to drown out her voice but she was persistent about it, “I’ll clean the house! I’ll even tend to the plants! I’m good with plants! Just let me stay in your house!” She reasoned along with other promises so she could have room and board but he wasn’t sure he could stay sane for long.

She went on for almost an hour but, finally, she stopped. He sighed in relief as he looked at the empty black board he had and wondered if he should draw instead only to see the pressed form of Beelzebubs face and chest on one of the glass windows he managed to salvage.

“Come on! You feed me and then toss me out? You’re giving mixed signals here!” She whined, making him groan as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Damn it, I’m never going to get rid of her ain’t I?” He talked to himself as the woman tried her best to pry the window open. Turns out, it was he who gave in first; and it only took her appearing in the mirror of his bathroom to make him give up.

A/N:

Hey, you have to know when to cut your losses and make run for it in a galaxy like Warhammer 30k. Sure your sheer ballsiness can get you far but eventually you'll come crashing down so best to have a cushion down there. What Magnsik has right now isn't that much but for an Ork ripped from his WAAAGH, he has everything that he needs and that's him being alive. What will he make of his life now that he's free to pursue other things? Well, let's find out next chapter~

With that out of the way, I'd like to thank @Vyor for being there to cheer me up. I'd also want to thank my Patrons once again. You guys are the best! Consider dropping by my Patreon page and became a patron today to support me so I can keep on making these types of fics. It means a lot to me to keep on working on my fics. I also have also have a Ko-Fi page and a Subscribe Star for those who do not like Patreon.

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By the way, any of you guys interested in reading some a League of Legends Fic? This old fic of mine's getting revived because I had a promise to keep and I intend to see it through till it's done: Making You Smile [League of Legends OC Yordle fic]
 
Chapter 2 : A Helping Hand

SirBearington

Well-known member
A Helping Hand

Magsnik gazed out into the vast field before him as the heavy handle of his scythe rested upon his shoulder. This was his battleground, for today was harvest day and he needed to get as much of his crops as he could. His crops had a ridiculously short growing cycle but that suited him just fine. It would allow him to stock up fast especially when he had another mouth to feed.

He glanced towards his farm's other inhabitant, “Oy! No eating the crops till you cook them! Eat it now and you’ll have cabbage-heads sprouting out of your ears!” He scolded her just as she was about to take a bite out of the head of the ‘cabbage-shrooms’ he planted. Hey, he doesn’t have any better name for them and their orky name was far too glutural.

The woman pouted as she tossed said cabbage head to the basket she had on his back. The pack was big but not too big on her smaller frame and thanks to her demonic nature, she could actually carry a lot of stuff, “I was just taking a quick taste!” She fired back but he knew her all too well to fall for that.


“I’ll cook stir-fry if you fill your basket!” He promised her, dangling a reward for her to encourage her to behave. If there’s one thing he learned while living with her these past few days it was that food was the best and most effective way to curb her more destructive behaviors. The promise he made right now was more than enough to get her all fired up.


“Stir-fry! Stir-fry!” She chanted her warcry as she twisted off the cabbage-shroom’s leafy caps with renewed vigor, having another hand definitely helped but the field he had was far too big.

“I really should downsize my farm,” He mused as he unslung his scythe and went back to harvesting the stalks of grains before him. He glanced back as the greater daemon he now called his room mate and realized that might be a bad idea.

The rhythmic swinging of his scythe provided him with much needed core exercise. Back and forth he swung with the back of his blade clacking against the tough rows of stalk ahead of him before the sharp blade sliced through with a satisfying schwing. He reaped through his field as the stalks were pushed aside by the small board he attached at the back of the double handed blade for him to pick up later. With the lack of clouds above, he had nothing to fear about any sudden rain that might wash away his crops.

From time to time, he’d see some grain stalks that had bundles of caps on their ends rather than merely one of the bulbous things. He picked up those mutants and placed them in another pouch attached to his belt. He’d need the spores of them when he burned the field later. Breeding mushrooms was all but impossible, but at least they grew quick enough and grew in vast enough numbers that mutations cropped up from time to time.

The long strides and large sweeps he made allowed him to harvest a substantial amount of his grains. Sure it was tedious and time consuming, but it was relaxing and he worked up quite a sweat; a step closer to getting back in shape! Just as he was about to make another sweep, she stopped mid swing as he noticed the bump in the ground that had grown in the middle of his field. He continued his swing, pushing aside the stalks before clearing the area around the small mound.

From the throbbing veins and translucent membrane hiding a small curled up figure inside, he knew exactly what this was. “Well I’ll be damned, a gretchin mound,” he whispered out in surprise. He had expected a snotling mound to first appear in his field, but not a gretchin already. Seemed like cultivating his field allowed him to skip some steps. He turned towards the forest and glared after that thought, surveying his field, looking at its unprotected borders; he needed to make a wall around his home or he’d wake up to a burning house.


“Something wrong big guy?” Asked Beel in concern as she walked up to him. He simply gestured at the mount that had grown in his field. He stared at it as he pulled out his whetstone and sharpened the blade of his scythe. “Ohh! Weren’t you looking for a servant to help with the chores?” she reminded him as he nodded in response.

A big house and a big farm needed a lot of work. Sure he had Beel around now to help him with his task but he’s still bogged down by all the tasks he needed to do. He needed to feed the squigs, tend the crops, manage his forest, cultivate his small ‘herb’ garden, and many more tasks. Having a farm hand would help a lot and would free him up and allow him to explore. He could allow it to be born but every damn orkoid that wasn’t a plant hated him with a passion, something which the squigs could attest to.


That decision would be taken away from him as the thing finally popped open. A clawed hand burst from the sac and out came out the hunched and skinny form of a gretchin. It was unremarkable, even on the smaller side barely reaching up to Beel’s thighs, but it was well formed and without deformities. As it took its first breath in this hulk, he reared back and let out a small bellow before charging at him with a crazed look on its eyes. He sighed as he planted the butt of his scythe down on the loamy ground and faced the creature head-on.


He promptly punted it several meters away from him. He held back on his kick, not wanting to kill the thing and, thankfully, it got up. It charged him again but this time it picked up a rock and, once more, he kicked it away. He made sure to apply a bit more force this time around and the gretchin rolled up to the edge of his farm. This process repeated several more times and each time, he came back with a better weapon. First he grabbed a stick, then he tied the rock he had earlier to the stick to make some crude hammer.

This proved to be quite hilarious for the Nurglite who laughed at his trouble as he waited for the thing to get tired. “Oh god, it’s adorable! Let’s keep it,” She crooned as he watched the small diminutive creature roll away.

“What do you think I’m doing here?” He answered back as he waited for the thing to get tired. The thing was willful, yes, but eventually it’d have to give up. The injuries the little guy had were accumulating and he could already see doubt in its eyes. While the squigs were just mere animals, Gretchins were different. They were smart, they were sapient, and the glint of intelligence shone in this creature's eyes as confusion started to set in.


“Punting it for entertainment?” The woman quipped as they watched the thing starting to slow down. Its legs quivering as fear and realization started to properly settle in but still, it marched on, as if spurred on by some force. He knew those two forces well and he just so happened to know that they were not omnipotent when it comes to the will of something orky.

“Well, that and establishing the hierarchy.” He added as the gretchin raised its hammer once again and charged, its voice raspy from all the shouting it had been doing for the last few minutes.

“Oh really?” She teased him, smiling at him with that smug look that raised his hackles.


“Yes really,” he rolled his eyes, doing his best to not get baited as he looked at the gretchin. It was exhausted now, spent from its repeated attempts and thus more pliable. Squaring his shoulders, he glared at it before barking out a command in orkish, the natural tongue of the orks “You! Stop!”


The thing skidded to a halt as it froze not just from fright but from the instinctive need to follow. “Yes bozz!” it squawked out with its raspy voice as it talked for the first time. He further emphasized his authority as he loomed over the quivering goblinoid that didn’t even go past his shin. He leaned down, snorting out at the gretchin as he bared his teeth, daring the thing to do it but it faltered as boneless hands dropped the hammer it wielded.


Properly cowed, he picked it up by its scruff as he started relaying his commands at it. It was afraid and disoriented from the warring instincts and intelligence it had, nothing a good and proper boss can’t fix with some commands.


“Pick up the crops now!” He bellowed at it full force as he stuffed the things hand with bundles of grain-shrooms before he dragged it all the way to the path nearby.


“Right away bozz!” The gretchin screamed out in panic as it picked up as much crops as it could while it babbled out incoherently. There, baskets were laid down for him to fill but now, it’d be the gretchin’s job to fill them, which might prove challenging given the size of the baskets but that wasn’t for him to figure out.


“Drop the crops here!” he ordered at the whimpering bundle of flesh he had in his hands and the thing whimpered out as it dropped the bundle it had been clutching its hands. Satisfied that he had shown it what it needed to do, he dropped it on the ground as it stared at him with naked terror as well as bewilderment. “What are you looking at?! Move! Gather the crops! Drop the crops here!” he roared out, reminding the gretchin of its task.


“On it bozz! I iz a good gretchin!” The creature cried out as it promptly bolted for the field to gather the fallen stacks as fast as its tiny hands could. Beelzebub whistled in amazement as she walked up to him with a basket filled with cabbage-caps.


“I thought you were retired, Magsnik?” She asked as she dropped down the basket and picked up another. She looked as immaculate as ever, not even breaking a sweat from all the work she had been doing and still sporting the rotting scent of fruit and flowers.

“I did retire Beel, but I didn’t lose the tools of my trade. A warboss will always know how to act like a Warboss,” he answered. He had been a warboss far longer than anything else he’d been and it stuck to him. Yes, he had laid down his maul for the life of a farmer but that did not mean he couldn't pick it up once more.


“Pet names already~? My my, you move fast,~” She replied teasingly as she slung another basket over her shoulder before sauntering off, knowing full well how his eyes drifted downwards whenever she did that. He groaned in annoyance as he tore his gaze away and stomped his way back to his scythe.

“Oh zod off. Your name’s a mouthful and you know it.“ He fired back as he grabbed his scythe and went back to reaping his grain. Thankfully, the repetitive motion helped him take his mind off of her for a while. Unburdened by the need to stop to gather the crops and stuff them in their respective baskets, his work in the field had just gotten a whole lot easier.


-x-x-x-


When he set out to harvest his field, he expected it to be finished in three days’ time. Now, he stared at a field that had just been cleared in a single day. He was sweaty, his arms were sore, and his back ached; but the task he had set out was now done. Even Beel looked a bit winded as she wiped her forehead of what little sweat she had. As for his gretchin, the less he talked about its state the better. It simply laid on the ground, a bruised ball of pain and agony who gasped for air.

“Beel, start a fire. We're making stir-fry tonight.” He replied as he grabbed as many baskets of the more perishable vegetable-shrooms as he could before he went back inside to gather the ingredients he needed. He needed some oil, some truffles, some onion-bulbs, along with some cream. He wanted to have some soup to go with his stir fry because he was starving.


“I’m way ahead of you!” The woman declared as she ran off to the back of his house to gather some firewood. He chuckled as he saw the daemon do a little dance of excitement just as she disappeared out to the back, shaking his head in amusement as he headed inside so he could gather everything he needed.


Entering the cellar, he passed by shelves of preserved meats and cheeses along with bottles of pickled veggies and preserved jams and headed for the back of the room. There, he’d find the trapdoor leading to the lower level of his cellar as well as where he stored most of his perishables. He reached the wooden handle before and pulled it open, white fog rolling out of the cold room while the blue light of the cold tolerant light shrooms filtered out from below.

Lowering down the basket of veggies, he descended down his underground freezer/cold room. Lucky for him, there were glaciers dotting his little hulk, so getting some ice was an easy affair. Ice was all he needed to make an old fashion freezer. He just needed to make sure it was insulated and the things he stored below were on shelves to keep them from the eventual melt water and he got himself a place that could keep his already hardy crops stored far longer than what he’d usually could if he left them outside.


He’d find himself in a room line with wood with cold air leaking from between the slabs of wood. He reached out for one of the panels and opened it to reveal the frozen ice. Packed together with saw dust and other insulating products, he expected this to last him for one last harvest season before he needed to get more ice.

Closing the panel, he found the row where he stored his vegetables and dumped his load in the back end. New vegetables always got stored at the back as the common wisdom was first in, first out to avoid food rotting inside his storage. While he would be using some of the vegetables of his new harvest, he was mixing them in with the ones from the last harvest.

Gathering what he needed, he climbed back up and closed the door behind him and he made sure to close it as tightly as he could. Satisfied, he went on to check his water barrels, peering down his last one and saw that it was already half empty. He needed to get some fresh ice to make more later. He wasn’t going to drink water with saw dust if he could help it. He reached up to fill a small gourd before heading back out.


Coming back out, he found Beel tending the fire while his gretchin was sulking in a corner, looking at the first longingly but not bothering to stand up. “Come on you slowpoke! I’m starving here. Don’t keep me waiting!” She shouted as she waved at him.


He snorted as he walked up to the little thing first and dropped the water gourd he filled on his lap, “Drink up,” He rumbled out as he walked towards his companion. He ignored the bewildered stare he got from it as he plopped down beside the woman and placed down his chopping board.


He sliced and diced through the vegetables and into the wok they went. He stirred the dish with his wooden spoon while he had Beel preparing the pot for his soup. It took some time but the results were worth it. Before them was a plate full of steaming hot vegetables cooked in the finest of truffle oils, the only oil he had, as well as a large bubbling pot of mushroom soup that they had just pulled out of the fire.

With three bowls in front of him, two “normal sized” and one tiny one he usually reserved for his dipping sauce, he started filling them up. He scooped up a generous helping for each bowl before placing a large serving of bread for them to eat with. He divided up the stir fry into three portions before placing them onto their respective plates.

He handed Beel her bowl, with her scarfing down its contents without much prompting, before he handed over the gretchin’s portion. It stared down at the food before staring back at him. He sighed as found some sticks and promptly fashioned some chopsticks for the creature to use. “Here,” he said as he handed the makeshift implement to it. It looked at the two sticks before spearing the vegetable with the jagged end and started eating with gusto. He had worked him like a slave, now he was rewarding it for their good work.


“Huh, awfully generous of you. I thought your kind ate the small ones for fun?” Beel asked as she chewed on some edible spoons he baked for her. Making a hard tack like bread in the shape of a spoon was easier than he had expected as he only needed a mold for it. Now, he didn’t have to worry about her melting through his utensils. There was still the matter of bowls having to deal with her acidic spit but it was far less destructive than the direct contact involved in utensils.

“That’s the others when they’re hungry, but I’m not like the others.” He replied as he gave himself some flattering praise. He tipped his head backwards as he downed the hot soup into his awaiting maw before he sighed out in pleasure as he emptied his bowl. Tearing off some pieces of bread, he started wiping the leftover soup, “They resort to using their fists first most of the time rather than their heads. Gretchins work better if they’re expect to be fed afterwards. It’s not their fault that they don’t realize this.”

“The first time an ork wakes up, the first thing they’ll experience is violence. To be able to feed, they have to fight for their first taste of food. Starving? Too bad, you have to take it and once you’re strong enough to do so, solving everything with violence becomes almost all too easy. You’ll default because what would doing something empathetic give you? I’m not saying orks are incapable of seeing the wisdom of the carrot but it takes a special ork to think further than the length of their arms and weapons; and it doesn’t help that you literally become stronger from a fight so yeah.” He mused out as he chewed on the stir-fry he cooked. He really wished he had soy sauce, or anything salty for that matter, but he had to make due with what he had. He then noticed Beel staring at her with a surprised look on her face.


Shaking his head, he waved off her concerns as he added “I apologize for my rambling. It’s just an observation I had from living with my kind. Hey, we have some downtime between fights. It’s not all fighting.” Contrary to popular belief, orks did have down time but that was mostly sleep, eating and preparing for the next fight mostly; his was spent thinking.


“You are by far the smartest ork I’ve ever encountered.” She commented as she started eating her stir fry.


He snorted at that as he set his plate down. He had finished his meal and now and now, he’d enjoy the leftover milk he still had after cooking. He still had half a bottle and he wanted something sweet, “Not that much of a bar considering my brethren’s mental aptitude,” he then said before downing his drink.

“Awww don’t be like that! Take it as a compliment,~” Beel replied as he poked his side. He merely chuckled at that. For a daemon, Beel was really nice and to be honest he appreciated that. Lowering his guard around her was suicide, yes, but atleast he had some piece of mind knowing if Beel wanted to turn on him, she wouldn’t be a sneaky git about it.


Their meal continued in relative silence after that with the Gretchin being the last one still left eating. He poked at the fire pit as he stared at the creature, “You know, I really need to name this git,” he remarked. It was tiring to call it this creature or that thing. It needed a good proper name.


The gretchin perked up from its meal just as it was swallowed a leafy cap. It looked at them unsurely before they slowly pulled their bowl away from them and guarded it with their body. He chuckled at the gretchin’s futile efforts. He was glad that he didn’t decide to end this thing’s existence.


“Ohhh! Name him Mortimer!” Beel suggested as the gretchin looked back and forth between them.

“Why would I waste a perfectly good name on a gretchin? I’m generous when it comes to these gits, but I’m not that generous,” he argued. Yes, Gretchins were intelligent but they were more like monkeys, really smart monkeys with the same morals to boot which was effectively nill. Besides, he had a better name in mind.


“Then what do you have in mind?” Beel then asked as she pouted at him.

Pulling away the stick he was using to prod the fire pit, he blew on it before poking the gretchins forehead with it. It looked up at the stick pressing up against its forehead with incomprehension, “This git came from the dirt and he’ll work the dirt from this day onwards. Eventually, he’ll come back to the earth and that’ll be the end of him. Since you're from the dirt and of the dirt, I shall name you Dirt.” He proclaimed. Dirt would be their name and it shall be what he’d call them every single time. He was merely dirt to him after all, nothing more nothing less.

“That’s kinda mean,” She huffed out, criticizing him for his naming convention. Clearly, however, she didn’t know how things worked among Orks. He grinned at her before gesturing at the wide eyed Dirt as they slowly placed their plate down.


“Bozz named me Dirt? Bozz named me!” Dirt exclaimed as it leapt off its seat and danced around in happiness. He wasn’t just merely named by any other ork, he was named by the biggest and baddest ork there was in the vicinity. Beel gave Dirt a look of bafflement as she tried to process what she was seeing.


“Big bozz fed me and named me! Big bozz is bestest bozz there iz!” Dirt further proclaimed, as it hopped around with a big grin on its face.

He turned towards the confused daemon and asked, “You were saying?”

“Oh you know what I meant. Names are sacred, you know,” she grumbled out as she huffed her cheeks, clearly upset about it. He could empathize with her on that but she wasn’t really seeing things how he saw it just yet. Maybe with time, she’d come to realize why.

“Awfully kind for a demon,” He pointed out.

She merely smiled back as she lectured him “Not every daemon is an ass, but this daemon certainly has one.~” He groaned out as she laughed at his expense, of course he had to get the horny little minx of a daemon.


“God damn it woman…” He muttered out. Just when he was getting used to her, she threw these little curveballs at him. Would he ever get used to her as his housemate?


-x-x-x-


With harvest done faster than he had anticipated, he was left with a lot of free time. He decided to be productive as he took Beel and Dirt with him on an expedition out into the metallic waste land that was the hulks’ surface. Twisted remains of countless ships littered the surface of the hulk making hills and valleys. In one of these gullies, he trekked through in search of a particular spot to harvest water from.

“Hey Magsnik… you used Milk in the mushroom soup last night right?” Beel piped up as she adjusted the pack on her back. All of them carried harnesses to carry blocks of ice with. He had to make Dirt a small one just before they went out. Every last bit was precious and he did not want to go underground to find more. Who knew what lurked beneath the surface? He had a feeling, though, that the hulk surrounded a protoplanet the size of Ceres by his guesstimate. How else could he explain the weird gravity?

“Yeah. What about it?” He asked as they got closer to their destination. There up ahead was a white column of glistening crystal spilling forth from the side of a ship.

“Do you milk squig’s?” She then asked him to stop dead in his tracks. He turned around as she gave him this serious look which only made him burst out in laughter.

“Bwahahahah!” He bellowed out in full bellied laughter as the daemoness turned an amusing shade of red.


She stomped on the ground and pointed at him, “Oh come on, I’m not omniscient you know!” She squawked out as she fumed.

He shook his head as he assured her, “Nah, I just find it funny that it took you this long. At least I didn’t have to save a squig from you trying to milk it.” And wasn’t that a story he wanted to tell? He couldn’t fault them, however, as Squigs did come in hundreds of various forms. There were even hair squig’s and boy was he glad he didn’t have one on him when he decided to book it.


“But you have milk. It’s as creamy as most milk, it looks like milk, and it doesn’t have a nutty taste to it. Where do you get milk?” She questioned as she got over her embarrassment.


“Oh that? I got it from a mushroom tree’s fruit. It’s kinda like coconut with a hard outer shell to protect its juicy interior. You just have to pasteurize it to avoid its spores from taking hold and bursting out of your stomach,” he explained. He would have been in agony if he didn’t prepare his milk properly. Freezing also helped but not as much as heating it up.


“Of course it does. I’m surprised your garden hasn’t tried killing you yet.” She mentioned jokingly.

“You did remember me warning you about the cabbage-heads right?” He reminded her. Unfortunately for her, an orkish ecosystem would remain hostile even if they took the garden variety version.


“You…you weren’t joking were you?” She asked as she stumbled on a piece of rock jutting out of the ground.


“Not one bit.” He nodded sagely. One must never be too careful when it came to the farm of an ork. Just because it was edible didn’t mean you could just eat it. Only a few orkish fruits were edible right away and they were rare due to how they were out-competed by their more virulent cousins.


It didn’t take long for them to reach the foot of the glacier. It was a large pillar of ice jutting up several hundred feet into the air. He didn’t know how old the vessel was, but it was damn old because he could see that it sported letters he could recognize; this was not the blocky imperial text that was spreading around but good old fashioned english. He could even make out the name from down there thanks to his sharper sense.

He gestured at the ship named Ever Given and the frozen pillar of ice it made before saying, “And here we are! The Northern Glaciers. This is where I get my water.” He waddled up to the bottom of the pillar and found himself face to face with the opaque ice. The foot of the pillar was wide enough that he didn’t worry about causing a collapse just yet and thick enough that it towered over him. This ship must have been a dedicated water carrier from the Dark Age of Technology. Why was it carrying this much water? He did not know. Maybe it was water from Fiji?

“That’s kinda boring, it doesn’t give this glacier character. I mean look at it, it’s a glacier formed from water spilling from an ancient cargo container! It’s almost as if this is a scene from a mythical story!” She criticized, clearly unimpressed with the name that he had given to the glacier. She did have a point, however, his name was pretty boring. In his defense, he didn’t expect people to actually find him so there wasn’t a point.

“Come to think of it, yeah, it kinda does suck. I think I’ll call this Ymir’s Glacier then,” He relented before suggesting a better name.

“Ohh Fenrisian. I love their theme park. It’s a shame they had to close down.” She sighed out making him turn towards her just as he was about to hack away a large chunk to carry away. He might have to ask about that later. She was a daemon after all, she probably saw a lot of stuff happen.

“Something like that,” He shrugged out as he went to work. Carving a block of ice so he could carry it was a necessity if he wanted to have more drinking water. If he made an unbalanced ice block, he’d be constantly tipping over. He carved a chunk larger than he was before making smaller ones for Beel and Dirt.

With their cargo strapped to their backs, they made their trek back. The walk back home was uneventful compared to the trip there. There was no sight worth pointing out nor any interesting talking point worth remembering, especially with the heavy weight on his back. He was far too busy helping Dirt along to start an intelligent conversation.

“Remind me to never bring you along again!” he groaned out as he slammed the block of ice he carved inside a wide rimmed barrel. There was more than enough space for the other blocks as well. Covering was a problem but he didn’t worry too much about it as it was far away from the Squigs or where he composted his refuse.


“Yes Bozz!” Dirt panted out as he dragged himself away so they could finally rest in the shed they called home.

He shook his head as he brought out his hammer so he could shatter the ice to make it melt faster. More surface area after all was the best way to make it melt faster. Before he could even think of raising his maul however, his house mate called for him.

“Hey Magsnik, it’s Board Game night? You coming or what?” Beel shouted from inside his home. She really had made herself at home on his farm, hadn’t she? Well, at least she was a worthwhile person to talk to. He didn’t have to resort to making a Wilson after all. He walked away, leaving the ice inside the barrel.

If he had ignored her calls, Magsnik would have seen two pairs of glowing eyes open from within the ice. The chunk cracked as a delicate feminine hand made of metal reached out and started clawing around to try and find some purchase to grab on to. It seemed that he had brought something more than ice and it wouldn’t be until the next day till he knew what had come to his farm.

A/N:

A day in the life of a Warboss and his tenant who quickly got comfortable in her new home. Also, Dirt! Ain't he adorable? Every Warboss needs a Gretchin and the first one gets the honor of living. As for the last bit... heh, I have a faceclaim lined up. You'll like her.

With that out of the way, I'd like to thank @Vyor for being there to support me when I doubt myself. I'd also want to thank my Patrons once again. You guys are the best! Consider dropping by my Patreon page and became a patron today to support me so I can keep on making these types of fics. It means a lot to me to keep on working on my fics. I also have also have a Ko-Fi page and a Subscribe Star for those who do not like Patreon.

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Say, are you guys interested in reading a One Piece snippet I made? It's finally beta'd and for you to enjoy. First chapters are always completely free to read so drop on by and read: Shiki's Twenty Year Plan, a One Piece SI fic involving an SI born as the son of Shiki. I'd try to answer as much question if you comment there.
 

SirBearington

Well-known member
Chapter 2 is up now in Patreon, Ko-Fi page, and SubscribeStar so if you're interested in reading it in advance, you know where to look. Hope you guys like this and I might have fucked up a bit last chapter. I was supposed to write two beings trapped inside the eyes... not one being with four eyes. Sorry for making you think its Necrons. It's far too early for them to appear though. Anyways, here's a little teaser I want to share just to entice you all, just... around 400 words of it. Enjoy and see you next week!

A Place of New Beginnings
Magsnik’s eyes slowly creaked open as the portal’s rhythmic brightening, something he had noticed just recently, shined through the window. The slight increase in brightness but it was enough that it went from seeing things like one’s eyes had just adjusted to the dark to walking in moonlight. He suppressed a groan of frustration as he felt Beel’s busty form laid atop him. The memories of last night hit him just as hard as his hangover did.
Fungus beer and Fungus wine does not care whether the person drinking is ork, daemon or god damn god, it will make a person drunk and give them a head splitting headache after the fact. Suffice to say, Beel’s slightly smaller form did not hold up to the amount of alcoholic beverage he brought out to quench their thirst during game night. He did not remember what happened after Beel taunted him into a drinking contest.

His body protested as his stomach rumbled which kept him up but it was far too comfortable for him to leave the bed especially with her arms around his chest. He cursed his weakness to her touch as he just laid there, waiting for her to wake up. The only consolation prize he had was that she didn’t drool when she slept. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, she stirred awake but what she said completely baffled him.

“Good Morning Master! You have already slept for 8 hours by the time you woke up. It has already been 5 minutes so best to get up to start the day!” Said Beel? With a softer, chipper, and weirdly artificial tone from the foot of his bed before her voice switched again to a more refined tone but this time it came slightly from a different direction. “Breakfast will be prepared shortly afterwards.” Beel was going to cook? That does not sound good and when the hell did she make clones of herself?

“Beel, what the hell. It’s too early in the morning.” Magsnik complained as he reached up and covered his eyes to avoid the “morning’s” light. He did not want to deal with the madness Beel had brewed up when the day was just about to begin.

“Magnsik… I’m not sure how I’m sure how I’m going to say this but those two aren’t my clones.” whispered Beel making him all but bolt out from the bed as he got up. He shielded Beel with his large forearms as he grabbed a nearby candlestick and brandished it threateningly to the intruder inside his personal room.
 
Chapter 3: A Place of New Beginnings

SirBearington

Well-known member
A Place of New Beginnings

Magsnik’s eyes slowly creaked open at the portal’s rhythmic brightening, something he had noticed just recently, shined through the window. It was a slight increase in overall brightness, but it was enough that it went from seeing things like one’s eyes had just adjusted to the dark to walking in moonlight. He suppressed a groan of frustration as he felt Beel’s busty form laid atop him. The memories of last night hit him just as hard as his hangover did.

Fungus beer and Fungus wine did not care whether the person drinking was an ork, daemon, or god damn god, it would make a person drunk and give them a head splitting headache after the fact. Suffice to say, Beel’s slightly smaller form did not hold up to the amount of alcoholic beverage he brought out to quench their thirsts during game night. He did not remember what happened after Beel taunted him into a drinking contest.

His body protested as his stomach rumbled, which kept him awake, but it was far too comfortable for him to leave the bed; especially with her arms around his chest. He cursed his weakness as he just laid there, waiting for her to wake up. The only consolation prize he had was that she didn’t drool when she slept. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, she stirred awake but what she said completely baffled him.

“Good Morning, Master! You had already slept for 8 hours by the time you woke up. It has already been 5 minutes so best to get up to start the day!” Said Beel? With a softer, chipper, and weirdly artificial tone from the foot of his bed before her voice switched again to a more refined tone, but this time it came slightly from a different direction. “Breakfast will be prepared shortly afterwards.” Beel was going to cook? That did not sound good and when the hell did she make clones of herself?

“Beel, what the hell. It’s too early in the morning.” Magsnik complained as he reached up and covered his eyes to avoid the “morning’s” light. He did not want to deal with the madness Beel had brewed up when the day was just about to begin.

“Magnsik… I’m not sure how I’m sure how I’m going to say this but those two aren’t my clones,” Whispered Beel, making him all but bolt out from the bed as he got up. He shielded Beel with his large forearms as he grabbed a nearby candlestick and brandished it threateningly at the intruder inside his personal room.

There, in front of them, stood two immaculately dressed gynoids wearing a stereotypical maid get up. Both looked almost identical if not for the slight differences in their looks, the one to the left sporting softer features to complement the short wavy hair she wore while the one to the right had sharper features to go well with her hair tied up in a ponytail. The two were, for all intents and purposes, maid robots. Based on their appearance anyway.

“Is something wrong Master? Mistress?” The one at the left asked as she looked at them with big doe eyes that brimmed with concern.

“Don’t worry Master, Mistress, I have already prepared a hot bath for you to enjoy.” The other droid said reassuringly with a self satisfied smile stretching across her face.

“Molly!” The one to the left yelled out indignantly before she turned to her companion, “That’s supposed to be my job,” She mumbled out as she crossed her across her chest and glared at the now identified Molly.

“Well Emmy, I’m sure our Master here would appreciate the initiative,” Molly countered as she smirked at Emmy who could only fume importantly at the other droid.

There in his bed, with Magsnik clutching his blanket protectively against himself and Beel, did they watch the two droids as they argued against one another. Magsnik’s eyes twitched as Beel leaned against him while the two argued about which chore was supposed to be their responsibility among other things.

“But you had me feed the backyard animals! Having to do it while that weird creature latched on to my leg made it harder.” She retorted before gesturing down to her legs. Magsnik and Beel stared down and watched as the bleeding form of Dirt latched onto the girl’s leg, gnawing and chomping down on the extremely tough and resistant skin the two possessed. They looked soft and squishy but the gretchin’s teeth did not leave a mark.

“It’s not my fault that you slowed down.” Molly replied as she looked away.

“You know darn well that that was the hardest job,” Emmy accused her, pointing at her as she stomped her other foot in anger.

Molly sneered back at the other girl as she turned around and answered back, “You took it anyways!” This excuse, however, only got Emmy mad as she let out a groan of frustration.

“Because somebody had to do it!” Emmy fired back. Before things came to blows, and after he had finally processed everything, Magsnik decided to intervene. He cleared his throat which quickly stopped the two dead in their tracks as they snapped into attention. With their hands behind their backs, they faced Magnsik who stared at them with tired eyes.

“I’m sorry to bother you two in your argument but,” He apologized before he took in a chest full of air and shouted what any reasonable man, woman, and even ork if they were to make up in a situation like this would, “Who the hell are you two and are you two fucking nuts?!” he roared out half hysterically as he pointed at them, “Like who the hell goes inside a house and decides that they’re going to do the owners chores without asking them or even introducing themselves?! Like, who does that?!” He questioned out in confusion and righteous anger. He might be blowing up on the two but he damn well knew they invaded his home. No excuse of them being mere machines would convince him as well.

“We… did not introduce ourselves yesterday?” The girl slowly asked as she looked back at them with confusion, “We came in after you two started drinking. We even cleaned up the place after the party.” She tried reminding them with hope in her eyes, begging them to recall the night before. Even Molly was concerned as she glanced at Emmy in worry.

“Wait, you two did? How the hell did we… ohhhh,” He asked before he remembered more of last night. Magsnik had to blink a few times before the memories came rushing back in which only made him regret the night before even more so. They’d introduced themselves and asked if he was in need of helpers.

“Did we just accept two maid robots while we were black out drunk?” Beel asked as she looked at him. Magsnik could only nod back as he covered his face and dragged both hands down. Yes, he had technically hired them even if he was inebriated. Both droids.

“It seems so, master, mistress, but it doesn't matter! What’s important is that you remembered.” Molly replied with a chipper tone before she clapped to get their attention. Both of them winced at the sound but the girl merely smiled as she asked them, “So, who’s ready for breakfast?”

He took in a deep breath before sighing out and scratching the back of his head. He had landed himself in quite the situation but it wasn’t all bad, he supposed. “... you know what, I shouldn’t have looked at the mouth of the gift horse.” He mumbled out before he looked back at the two, “I would like to apologize for the outburst and if you may.” He asked, hoping that he didn’t hurt them or anything. He had woken up wrong and he had been intoxicated yesterday.

Both girls beamed as they nodded before responding “Gladly!” At least they were happy now. These girls should be more reasonable, right?

-x-x-x-

Turns out, they were far more reasonable than Beel. He sat there in the kitchen with Beel as they stared down at the steaming hot bowl of noodles before them. Paired with some freshly baked bread, it might have looked simple but the smell was heavenly. He took in a deep breath, savoring the savory scent of the meat stock while the noodles swam beneath its steaming surface, “Noodles… I never had time to make noodles,” he whispered out as he reached out to grab the chopsticks he’d made but never got to use.

“I’m glad you like it, Master Magsnik. Maid-Droids such as ourselves come pre-programmed with the dishes and cooking of a thousand and one worlds. From the mountains of Dieprian to the river valleys of Shenlong, we have you covered. Making noodles is a trivial matter even if the flour we use is not made from the grains of the Terran variety,” Molly proudly claimed as she scooped another serving for a rather ravenous Beel.

Not even Dirt was immune to their charms as the Gretchin ate his noodles down on the floor. Magsnik refused to look down and observe the creature as they grabbed the noodles with their bare hands and shoved it inside their mouth.

“I honestly didn’t know that the orkoid ecosystem hosted such a variety of edible, albeit deadly, produce.” Emmy commented as she picked up one of my vegetables and inspected it.

“I can’t blame you there. You have to specifically find a mature enough Fungal Forest to find these and most get destroyed due to war.” He acknowledged with a nod as he looked down at his own bowl with eager anticipation. The cutlets of meat were cooked to perfection and it even sported fish cakes with swirls on them.

“My apologies, but aren't Masters species warlike?” She asked before she recounted her experiences with his race so far, “All I’ve ever heard about your species is from the noosphere as well from the training program both of us underwent through which… require us to shoot orks on sight. I’m really sorry master! We didn’t know that ork’s could be reasonable and civilized, much less become our master,” The girl was quick to apologize for the perceived slight and Magnsik couldn’t help but sigh out as he reached out and gave the girl a pat on the head. The way the girl tensed up before her shoulders fell down was a good sign though he had to deal with the glares now being sent her way by her companion.

“There’s nothing to apologize for Emmy because Orks, by our very nature, crave war and most of us are drooling idiots,” He admitted as he stared back at his reflection before looking over to the gretchin too busy licking their bowl clean. He silently thanked his past self for their wisdom in spending time carving out crude, yet proper bowls for the wretch. “Also, yes, shoot them. If you ever see another ork in the tree line. Shoot them. If any other ork so much as show their face in the farm, just shoot them.” He repeated, stressing out the need for violence when dealing with his kind.

“B-but,” they both stuttered out in indecision, but he was there to stamp out the logical fault his very existence must have brought up inside them.

“Emmy, I’m not one to ask much from someone but please, please just shoot them on sight. I am an exception, not the example of more civilized orks.” He begged her which shook the girl out of her funk as she nodded in understanding.

“Understood, master.” Molly nodded, needing no further explanation from him.

“Good. Thank you Molly,” he thanked the girl, at which Emmy glared at her with what he could only assume was jealousy? He really wasn’t sure and he looked over to Beel for help but she was far too busy with her third serving.

“Oh my gods! You should-” Beel gushed out before she slurped up the noodles from her, chewing them and moaning out with each bite into her squig cutlets, “Really try this out! Thank you for the meal!” She added out to further emphasize her point.

“I’m glad you like it, mistress,” Molly beamed at the praise before she turned towards him in anticipation. He was the only one that was yet to eat and the girl looked eager to have him taste their cooking. His mouth was already watering at this point and he didn’t waste anymore time as he dug in.

One bite turned into another as he quickly joined Beel in pigging out. He slurped up the noodles with gusto as he tasted the salty and savory sauce mixing in with the noodles. He gobbled everything up and he made sure to drain the bowl before he even thought of placing it down. He looked down at the empty bowl and found himself wanting as he held out the bowl in front of the smug maidbot as she gave him another serving.

Despite how delicious it was, he took a more sedate pace with eating the second serving as he praised the girl, “I have to admit, having a trained cook make the meal for you makes quite the difference,” He could cook, yes, but this was leagues above it and they had access to the one ingredient he had been missing all this time, Salt. “Where did you even get the salt for this?” He asked, wondering how they managed to acquire such a precious ingredient. He had to rely on smoking and drying to cure his meat and even then he wasn’t confident it’d last for more than a few weeks.

“Oh, we Maidbots come equipped with an STC wholly dedicated to cooking which contains the necessary instructions to manufacture some common ingredients as well as utensils and tools.” Emmy explained. Truly, Dark Age Humanity’s technology is a marvel to behold and this only made his decision all the easier to make. Standing up, he then got down on his knees which made the bot turn red especially after he grabbed hold of her hands.

“M-master! This is improper. You can’t-” The girl sputtered out but he wasn’t having any of it as he pressed his finger against her lips. This had the girl turning red as she stared at him, clearly flustered by his gesture. Molly blustered and bristled so he made sure to say it as bluntly as he could to avoid any misunderstanding.

“Emmy, Molly, I’m not really good at this but please, be my maids. I might have asked you this yesterday but I’ll ask you once more now that I’m sober. I can’t go back to eating food without proper seasoning!” He begged them, pleading to them on his knees. He was pretty damn sure they used MSG here as well and as good as his produce was, his cooking was lacking. He relied too much on butter, truffle, onions and spiciness to make up for the lack of salt.

“O-oh. We’re more than happy too.” Emmy blinked out as she sagged but she sported a bright smile on her lips. Molly herself looked happy so that solved that and he sighed out in relief.

“Awww, so sweet. And here I thought you weren’t a sentimental man, Magsnik,” Beel crooned out before he slurped up her noodles. Not even that could hide the smug, teasing smirk she sported as she snickered out at his expense.

“Shut it you,” He fired back half heartedly as he got up. He had to get down on his knees as the girls were human sized which meant they were half the size of Beel. He really didn’t appreciate just how tall the daemon was until the two bots reminded him how small humans were.

“Be careful Magsnik,~ you don’t know just how much trouble you’ll land yourself in if you keep sending mixed signals,” She teased him as she finished her final bowl and he rolled his eyes at that. Setting her bowl aside, she stretched as she then said, “That was an amazing meal. I’m glad you’re hiring them, Magsnik, but I have to go now. The rift above isn’t going to observe itself and I do have to ward off the Tzeentchian daemons that are getting a bit nosy.”

He waved her off, letting her do her thing. She did help with passing the time and the produce had been stored. The small grain silo he had was full and the pantry was stocked. These were the few days where he could just relax and do his daily chores.

Turning to his two new maids, he then said, “Now, on the matter of your payment.” He might be just a farmer but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t pay. He was by no means a cheapskate and he would not deprive his workers of their payment.

“Payment?” The two replied as they tilted their heads towards him.

-x-x-x-

It turns out that Maid bots did not take any form of payment. Service itself was enough for them and thus, he had two extra pairs of helping hands dealing with his daily chores. Still, he had insisted, and now they had a shared room next to the masters bedroom. He had a lot of room upstairs and he wasn’t aching for space. He had to fight tooth and nail for them not to take up residence in his closet. He already had enough room invaders as it is.

Now that he was fed and his head was no longer pounding, he could start his day but that was how he ran into his current problem, “All done!” Emmy proudly replied as she held up a sack of grains while Molly was stacking them atop a wooden pallet the two made to make it easier for both of them to carry it away. Turns out, Maid droids could get a lot of things done over night if they worked non stop.

“I should go wash my clothes then,” Magsnik nodded as he turned back home only for Molly to call out to him.

“No need to worry about that master,” The girl said as she stacked the last of the grain. Dusting herself, she then gestured to the clothesline they made in his backyard. The clothes fluttered in the cold wind blowing down from the crater rim above, “They’re now drying at the back. We even made some replacement soap for you! The lye soap you’ve been making was a bit harsh so we had to forage for some products to help us synthesize the chemicals we needed. Orkoid ecosystems are truly versatile, we found almost everything in one fungi!” She added with a large smile.

Magsnik couldn’t help but blick before nodding appreciatively at that. Truly, Molly had quite the foresight, “Huh… neat. How about the squigs?” He then questioned as he wondered if he had any chores he could do now.

“They’re happy and fed. Dirt helped me! He’s cute now that he’s no longer trying to chew my legs off,” Emmy piped up. He peered towards the cages and found that the squigs were happily napping away with their bellies filled with food and Dirt having to deal with the refuse as the gretchin used a shovel to gather the dung for fertilizer.

“I think we need firewood…” He replied cautiously, wondering if they had already done that as well. The night after all can get quite cold and there was the ever constant need for fuel to keep the pot heated.

“We already made some when we were making soap,” Molly pointed out as she walked over to stand beside Emmy. The two looked as immaculate as they were a few hours ago. Not a single speck remained on their uniform and even the smudges on their aprons were cleaned away by what looked like silvery fuzz.

“... You two did all the chores, didn't you?” he asked as he gave up on thinking up on chores he could do.

“Naturally, Master Magsnik,” Both girls piped up happily and with a hint of pride tinging their voices. The two really did enjoy working, didn't they? If these are the maids that humanity once had serving them, no wonder they lost hard once their robotic creations rebelled.

“I have… actual free time now?” He uttered out because for once, he didn’t have to do anything in the morning. He was actually free for the whole day to pursue whatever he wished.

“That you do master. Let us handle everything,~” Emmy reassured him and he wasn’t one to say no to that. After all, what would a retirement be if he couldn’t relax from time to time? He’d definitely earned this rest. Having these two girls around was a game changer. He’d be sure to always keep them happy.

“I’ll leave you two girls. Don’t work yourself too hard alright?” He requested them. Machines they may be, they were sapient in all measures if his eyes didn’t deceive him and if they were sapient, they had the spark of a soul.

The girl waved him off as he returned to go back to his house to grab a notebook as well as a pencil case full of charcoal fashioned into long narrow sticks. If he was free today, he was going to do something he was looking forward to but never had time to do. Grabbing a stool, he walked over to the edge of his farm and plopped himself in front of a large tree. There were countless varieties of trees in his crater and this one just so happened to be the most common. It was a simple mushroom with a very tall and narrow cap that tapered to a rounded point. It was tall, grew as straight as a pine tree and actually had the same shape, but the cap was just one solid piece instead of the layered branches that a pine had.

With his model in view, he started to sketch. It was crude and certainly no work of art, but it was enough to be vaguely recognizable. He quickly jotted down the notes he had on the tree including how fast it grew, how good the wood of the tree was, its characteristics and everything in between. He let out a happy sigh as time felt like it flew away while he sat there in front of the tree. This was the life.

“What are you doing, master?” Emmy suddenly asked behind him before she peered from his side. He raised an eyebrow at her but he didn’t shoo her away as he showed off his work.

“Just drawing. I kinda decided to catalog every mushroom in an orkoid ecosystem for the hell of it.” he answered casually.

“I could help you with it?” Emmy offered. He sighed out but he kept his smile as he knew that the girl was just trying to be helpful. It was probably her nature.

“Oh, no need to worry about it, Emmy. I’m only doing this to burn some time. I also need practice drawing.” He respectfully declined. The hurt in those big innocent eyes of her hurt him. It wasn’t fair that she had weapons grade cuteness by her side.

“Emmy, stop bothering Master,” Molly called out as she walked up to them with a broom in hand.

“I’m just trying to help him, Molly,” Emmy countered with a pout in her lips but that only got her a flat look from the companion.

“Clearly, your help is unwanted,” Molly pointed out before she sauntered up to him in quite the suggestive way before hopping up to his lap. “How about I’ll help you master?~ I’m programmed for more than just droid work,” She asked suggestively as she gave him a wink. He started counting down from ten as a second Beel had appeared in his farm.

“You hussy!” Molly hissed out as she glared daggers at the girl who was leaning against his chest. The way her hands glided against his shirt was not doing his sanity any favor. He refused to acknowledge them now as he returned to his work.

“Speaks the girl with an addiction,~” The girl on his lap teased his companion who turned an interesting shade of red from the accusation.

“It’s only stress relief!” Emmy sputtered out as she turned away and covered her chest. “And why do you insist on watching!?” She then shouted.

“Honey, there’s a difference between stress relief and whatever you're doing behind closed doors,” Molly laughed out as she hopped off his lap. He let out a sigh of relief as the tease finally got off but his problem was only just beginning.

“I really could have gone without knowing those details,” He groaned out in frustration and partly in pain as he tried his best to scrub his mind of anything lewd.

“Now look at what you did, you’ve made the master upset!” Emmy snapped to which Molly sputtered in indignation.

“Me?! We'll look at who’s talking. Besides, Shouldn’t you be preparing the preserved meats like the mistress asked you too?” She squawked out, flustered before she reminded her companion of the task she had yet to do.

“W-well, you should go back to doing… whatever you are doing right now!” Emmy lamely countered.

“Whatever, at least I’m not the one fucking up,~” Molly flicked her hair as he gazed back at the other girl with a smug grin on her face.

Molly marched up to the girl and jabbed her finger at her chest before accusing her, “You’re one to talk when it was your fault we got trapped under the iceberg for literal millennia!”

“That’s ancient history dear. I’m sure the master would rather have me around since obviously I’m the one that’s more capable between the two of us,” She waved it off but she refused to look either of them in the eyes.

What the hell was going on here? Magsnik questioned inside the privacy of his mind as he slowly set his book aside. He slowly sat up but that went unnoticed as the two’s argument started to heat up. Things were getting hairy fast.

“Oh yeah? At least I’m the one that the master asked to serve him, not you, me. He asked me and just probably added you out of sympathy!” Emmy smugly replied as she grinned out even if her face was red from her declaration.

“You’re the one that’ll be tossed out first and not me!” Molly then snapped out making Emmy step back as the other girl was fuming with tears welling in the girls eyes.

“Says the girl that got thrown in the brig first!” Emmy snapped back and this was the straw that broke the camel's back as Molly let out an inarticulate shout of rage as the two bots glared at each other.

“You! You bitch!” Molly snarled out before she launched herself at Emmy without any warning. The two started pulling at each other's dress as they tumbled across the field. Magnsik immediately rushed for them, grabbing them by the collar and pulled them apart with great effort. Even when he was man handling them like common pups, they were still trying to get at each other's throat.

Magnsik snarled out as he promptly roared at them, “Enough! Both of you, stand down!” He glared at the two as they withered under his gaze, “Now, I’m going to put you two down and I expect you to be reasonable or I’ll be unreasonable, got it?” He asked through gritted teeth and the two nodded meekly. Slowly he set them down and they stood there in attention, awaiting his words.

Magsnik let out a huff as he reached up the back of his head, “Before you two say anything else, why the hell are you two arguing about who’ll be kicked out of the farm of all things?” He asked out incredulously, “I could understand if you have a history between you two, but your argument has to be the stupidest thing I’ve heard in a while and I’ve lived with Orks the majority of my life!” He shouted as he threw his hands up in frustration. He paced in front of them as he waited for them to give an answer. Emmy looked ashamed while Molly was still gathering her wits as she wiped her cheeks.

Patiently he waited, counting down from a hundred to help him calm his nerves before finally one of them answered, “There’s only so many things to do in the farm,” Emmy whispered as she grabbed hold of her wrist while she fidgeted in place.

“And we’re afraid that once we lose our use, you’ll toss us out.” Molly sniffed out and rubbed the tears off her cheeks.

Magsnik pursed his lips as he took in a deep breath before sighing out as he ran his hands across his bald head. All this ruckus just for that?

“Do you think the farm will remain static?” He asked and the two shook their heads, “The farm is small for now but it won’t be in the future. I’m planning on expanding it, maybe even encompassing the entire valley floor given the chance. I’ll need every bit of help on the way.” He reasoned out as his shoulders sagged. He wasn’t used to dealing with drama like this.

The two stared down towards the ground as they stood there. Magnsik just allowed them to process everything, letting them handle it at their own pace. They stood there for a few minutes before they looked up at each other.

“Molly… should we tell him?” Emmy asked.

“He didn’t really ask us about what we did before this,” Molly mumbled.

“And I’ll never ask you about what you did in the past because I don’t care,” Magsnik grumbled out. Gently grabbing the two by the shoulder, he pointed at the field, “You see the field before you? It’s barren and devoid of crops ain’t it?” he then asked as he swept his hand across the field, showing off just how bare it was. Freshly harvested of crops, not a single mushroom sprouted in the field.

“Yes?” The two replied as they looked at her with uncertainty in their eyes.

“That’s just how much fucks I give about what you did before you came to my farm,” He nodded.

“Not even if we participated in-” Emmy wondered out before he hushed her with fingers against her lip.

“Not even that I would like to hear. I do not care what you did, I care what you do after the fact,” He replied, who was he to judge a person's past when he himself had quite the checkered history. People can make mistakes and an unrepentant asshole would still be an asshole. They might be Women of Iron but they weren’t bad people now. They could have easily killed him in his sleep but they choose to just clean his house and do his chores. Even Beel was black out drunk so the deed could have been done without much fuss.

The two looked unsure but they weren’t at each other's throat at least, “I’m sorry Molly… I shouldn't have said those words,” Emmy then apologized and he looked up at the rift in relief.

“I’m sorry Emmy. I shouldn’t have been mean to you,” Molly apologized as well.

The two jumped in surprise as he patted them both on the head before they sighed out. He didn’t know why the two liked head pats, but he wasn’t going to deprive them of a treat when they’d learned something important today, “Now, with that settled. Who here wants to help me clear up the wood around my farm? I’m looking to expand and you two need some work to help clear your mind of this nonsense,” He asked with a grin on his face. The forest had become a bit overgrown and with Dirt coming into being, he expected more Gretchins and Snotlings to arrive. Even Boyz wouldn’t be out of the question now.

“That sounds wonderful, master,” Molly replied as she beamed at him with a smile that rivaled that of Emmy’s. He snorted out laughing as he straightened up and gestured for them to follow. He had enough sketching for today. Besides, he could do that after his farm was secured.

And so, that was how his day started off, with two maid bots suddenly barging into his life just like how Beel did when she crashed into his. He had a feeling that they wouldn’t be the last companions he’d gain over the course of his retirement. Who knows? Maybe he’ll have people from every race living under his roof, or at least living within earshot of his farm, but who was he to know? It was simply too ridiculous of an idea anyways, not like it’d happen.
A/N:

Magsnik not only gains one helping hand but two in the form of two lovely Women of Iron Maids. These two were a blast to write especially with how they tease and compliment each other. Oh sure, they're kinda don't like each other but they do mean well and just want a good master to serve under and Magsnik is not one to turn people away considering who he had accepted into his home. As for how they look like, here's a pic. Aren't they adorable? Now with these two around, Magnsik now has more free time than he could have ever hope for and could do other stuff aside from working on the farm. He could go out and explore even.


Emmy_The_Robot_Banner.jpg

With that out of the way, I'd like to thank @Vyor for being supportive of my efforts. I'd also want to thank my Patrons once again. You guys are the best! Consider dropping by my Patreon page and became a patron today to support me so I can keep on making these types of fics. It means a lot to me to keep on working on my fics. I also have also have a Ko-Fi page and a Subscribe Star for those who do not like Patreon.

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You know... kinda feeling like making a JLU story. Would you guys be interested if it involves an Atlantean?
 

ATP

Well-known member
Maid bots who was Man of Iron and want forget their atrocities?
Seems legit to me.
Maybe some DE wytch and IoM soiroritas next?
The more,the merrier :)
 

SirBearington

Well-known member
Chapter 3 is up now in Patreon, Ko-Fi page, and SubscribeStar so if you're interested in reading it in advance, you know where to look. This current chapter took an extra day cause I worked on an extra post chapter scene involving the Aftermath of the Ullanor Crusade. I would have shown it as a teaser for you guys but it's nearly 900 worlds long~ I think I'll keep it for now under the paywall cause it was the Patrons that made it possible. Anyways, here's a little teaser I want to share just to entice you all, just... around 500 words of it. Enjoy and see you next week!

Gone Fishing

Magsnik wiped away a stray bead of sweat before he looked around and surveyed the fortification he had been building for the farm. With scraps aplenty littering the plains outside the valley, there was no shortage of metal for which he could make his walls with. Already, half of the wall had been constructed as their jagged tops jutted out from the ground and the pile of metal he had gathered had yet to shrink.

The wall might look half-assed but he had used the broken plates of the ships above as construction material. The walls were thick enough for him to walk above the rampart and tall enough that he could raise his hand and nobody could see it. He cheated a bit by making the walls hollow and just filling it up with packed earth and stone because he wasn’t going to haul that much metal around.

“Fresh squeezed fruit juice master?” offered the ever so elegant Molly while her companion painted the metal walls with flowers and trees. Dirt was also there as well, helping him by carting away the loose rock and soil for him to compost. Beel was currently sleeping away the day thanks to Molly’s and Emmy’s cooking.

“Thank you.” He replied as he grabbed the offered glass while the girl filled it up from a tankard larger than her torso.

He took a sip as he walked over to a nearby set of crudely made folding chairs. He sighed out in content as he sat there, drinking the sugary treat while he rested his aching back. He closed his eyes and allowed himself a nap as the day was long and the task was yet to be done. He could use a good rest before he decides to finish what he had set out to do.

Within the solitude of his mind, he was free from the distraction of reality. Slowly, the idle banter of Molly and Emmy faded away into background noise. It was soon followed by the sound of the forest growing fainter until even the very sound of the wind itself fell silent. For a moment, he found peace until a sharp pointy object made itself known in his shoulder before the sound of cheering could be heard from the forest.

“Master! Are you alright?!” Emmy shouted in distress as he heard her drop her bucket of paint and brush before he felt the girl clambering up to him to check on the superficial pin prick.

“You wretched hooligans! I’ll rip your guts out and use it to hang you all!” Molly roared out as he heard cursing mixed in with the sound of metal hitting flesh along with the sound of breaking bones.

“I’m alright. There’s nothing to be worried about.” Magsnik laughed it off as he refused to open his eyes. “I’m sure whatever problem came our way, they’d leave soon enough.” he assured her as he refused to open his eyes. The darkness he saw was quite relaxing and therapeutic even as he heard the guttural sound of the orkish tongue being spoken.

P.S:I sorta did promise to reply back then... yeah, sorry about that. Is kinda busy writing. Will try to make up for it but real life things to do is a pain.
 
So, it seems like is pretty good so far for the MC. What do we think is going to upset this applecart?

Personally, my money is on Chaos, probably bird flavor. Or it could be orks. Never bet against the green boyz
 

Yacovo

Occasionally spouting nonsense
So, it seems like is pretty good so far for the MC. What do we think is going to upset this applecart?

Personally, my money is on Chaos, probably bird flavor. Or it could be orks. Never bet against the green boyz
Hey, it could be Space Marines, they can colossally mess things up if given the chance. My money is on Word Bearers specifically, because they ruin everything they touch eventually.
 

ATP

Well-known member
Hey, it could be Space Marines, they can colossally mess things up if given the chance. My money is on Word Bearers specifically, because they ruin everything they touch eventually.
Well,loyalists could visit,too.For example champions of Pretty and Angry Marines would choose this place for their traditional duel!
 
Chapter 4: Gone Fishing

SirBearington

Well-known member
Gone Fishing

Magsnik wiped away a stray bead of sweat before he looked around and surveyed the fortifications he had been building for the farm. With scraps aplenty littering the plains outside the valley there was no shortage of metal for which he could make his walls with. Already half of the wall had been constructed as their jagged tops jutted out from the ground and the pile of metal he’d gathered had yet to shrink.

The wall might look half-assed, but he had used the broken plates of the ships above as construction material. The walls were thick enough for him to walk above the rampart and tall enough that he could raise his hand and nobody would see it. He cheated a bit by making the walls hollow and just filling it up with packed earth and stone because he wasn’t going to haul that much metal around.

“Fresh squeezed fruit juice, Master?” Offered the ever so elegant Molly while her companion painted the metal walls with flowers and trees. Dirt was also there as well, helping him by carting away the loose rock and soil for him to compost. Beel was currently sleeping away the day thanks to Molly’s and Emmy’s cooking.

“Thank you.” He replied as he grabbed the offered glass while the girl filled it up from a tankard larger than her torso.

He took a sip as he walked over to a nearby set of crudely made folding chairs; sighing out in content as he sat there, drinking the sugary treat while he rested his aching back. He closed his eyes and allowed himself a nap as the day was long and the task was yet to be completed. He could use a good rest before he decides to finish what he had set out to do.

Within the solitude of his mind, he was free from the distractions of reality. Slowly, the idle banter of Molly and Emmy faded away into background noise. It was soon followed by the sound of the forest growing fainter until even the very sound of the wind itself fell silent. For a moment, he found peace until a sharp pointy object made itself known in his shoulder before the sound of cheering could be heard from the forest.

“Master! Are you alright?!” Emmy shouted in distress as he heard her drop her bucket of paint and brush before he felt the girl clambering up to him to check on the superficial pin prick.

“You wretched hooligans! I’ll rip your guts out and use it to hang you all!” Molly roared out as he heard cursing mixed in with the sound of metal hitting flesh along with the sound of breaking bones.

“I’m alright. There’s nothing to be worried about.” Magsnik laughed it off as he refused to open his eyes, “I’m sure whatever problem comes our way, they’ll leave soon enough,” He assured her as he refused to open his eyes. The darkness he saw was quite relaxing and therapeutic even as he heard the guttural sound of the orkish tongue being spoken.

“The old gitz blind and dumb! Loot everything!” A raspy and high pitched voice declared before they left out a muffled howl of pain.

“But! B-but you have a spear sticking out of you!” The girl pointed out. He did have a spear sticking out of his shoulder but it was of no concern for him.

“It’s merely a scratch. Nothing to worry about,” He reassured her. He could barely even feel it as it only managed to pierce his skin.

“We also have intruders! Sure Molly is cleaning them up but please Master! This is serious!” The girl warned him and he let out a full bellied laugh at that. He reached to where he could hear Emmy before giving her a pat. He was a lucky ork to have both gynoids as followers.

“It’s fine Emmy, Molly has it handled,” He replied, knowing full well that he had nothing to worry about. Afterall, what he was dealing with were mere gretchins and snotlings. Tiny little runts that Molly was currently using as punching bags from what he could hear.

He was content to let Molly vent her anger at the gitz but one of them had to speak up. “Yuz!? Aren’t you Green? Stab the big one!” Screeched out one particularly annoying gretchin. He felt the psychic energy of the farm shift and he did not like that one bit.

“A-Aye!” Dirt, bless his pure heart, answered back submissively. Trully, Dirt was born to serve but, unfortunately, he can be a bit misguided. He cracked open an eye as he glanced down to look at Dirt who had just stabbed his foot with a spear.

“Dirt! What on earth has gotten into you!” Emmy scolded the gretchin as she pulled away the utterly confused gretchin as they struggled under the girl's vice-like grip.

He sighed out as he fully opened his eyes and looked around to see the carnage. Dead gretchins littered the ground as Molly was in the middle of pulling out the guts of a gretchin who howled in agony. She was surrounded on all sides by more gretchins who struck her with their crude weapons to no avail. Meanwhile, the git that had thrown the order kept yelling as he pushed his raiding party forward.

For a lowly band of Gretchin, they were actually well armed with standardized scrap armor and an assortment of twisted choppas and stabbas. The leader, who was the biggest Gretchin in the group, was no different as they sported slightly better gear and what looked like a primitive shoota. He would have given his compliments if it was not for the fact that these gits were attacking his farm.

“Dirt, that’s enough. Molly, stand down,” He commanded, letting his voice carry out to the field as the battlefield stilled. Dirt curled up on himself before Emmy dropped him off the group. Molly, on the other hand, stopped pulling the guts of the poor wretch beneath her while the rest of the small warband quivered where they stood. Only the leader stood there, looking around before turning and glaring at him with hate filled eyes.

“Y-yes Boss,” Dirt squeaked out as he dropped his shovel before crawling away.

Molly, meanwhile, just dropped the organ she was holding and stood up in attention, wiping her hands clean on her self cleaning apron, as she nodded and said “Of course, Master,” She quickly returned to her immaculate look as disheveled hair straightened and bloodied hands became spotless.

The Leader did not take his authority being challenged as it squealed out in anger. The high pitch squeak made his ears hurt but he ignored it as he watched the small creature throw a tantrum. “You’re no Bozz, You’z juzt a big git! You think you're tough? Gratznak will put you in your place!” the gretchin sneered out as they marched up to him, heedless of what they were getting themselves into.

Magsnik sighed and shook his head before he asked them with a tired and disappointed tone, “Are you done fucking around?”

One could hear a pin drop as the Gretchin stopped on its tracks as it looked up to him with bewilderment. “W-wut,” The grethin croaked out as they took a step back.

“I said, are you done fucking around?” Magsnik asked once more as he merely stared at things in pity. The gretchin tried to prove himself but Magsnik found him wanting as all he saw was gretchin strutting around like it owned the place.

“Y-you don’t scare me! I haz gun!” The gretchin threatened as it scrambled to pull out their weapon. The comically large barrel was aimed at him but the hand that held it shook badly. He almost felt bad for the poor thing, almost.

“Emmy, my maul if you please.” Magnsik requested as he held out his hand and the maid was quick to drag the weapon to him. The weapon dug a furrow behind it as the Maid of Iron struggled to lift it up for him. He grabbed it by the handle and felt its familiar weight in his hands. He lifted it up, feeling its heft in his hands, before resting it against his shoulder.

“Stayz back! I’m warning you!” The gretchin shouted as they waved their gun at him. Magsnik snorted with an amused grin on his face as he marched up to the gretchin who stumbled backwards. They fell to the ground as they backed away, trying to put some distance between them but Magsnik’s stride were longer than the pitiful crawl the gretchin made. The wretch whimpered as he slammed the butt of his maul beside their head before he knelt down and looked them dead on the eye.

“Oh? Where’s the bravado? Aren’t you the biggest and baddest there is? You know you can’t have that face on you when you're the bozz, right?” He taunted the creature as he barred his tusks at them. The scent that followed reeked but it had him bellow out in laughter. Was it cruel for him to toy with them? Yes. Was it amusing? Definitely.

“You know, tell you what. I’ll let you and your boyz…” He added, gesturing to the tiny raiding party that had been decimated by a single unarmed maid before he offered them, ”or what’s left of them run away. As you can see, we’re a little busy here so if you don’t mind-”

BANG!

He frowned as he reached for his chin and pulled out the flattened bullet against his skin. The only evidence he was shot was the angry purple mark that was already starting to fade away. The gretchin looked at his unharmed jaw before gazing up to the bullet in his hands. They gulped as he growled at them, annoyed and angry at the gall of this little shit.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” Magnsink growled out as he pulled his hammer up and flipped it over, making the large head slam down on the ground. He pulled back, swinging it over his head as he aimed right at the little shit who dared raid his farm. The gretchin held up its arm in surrender as they begged for their life.

“W-wait! I didn’t mean to-!” The creature pleaded but he was not in a merciful mood now.

“Fore!” he shouted as he swung his hammer with all his might. Contrary to his expectations, the gretchin was not launched at the air like a ball atop a tee but rather exploded in a shower of blood, bones and gore. Now that the little shit was gone, the raiding parties morale broke as they made a run for the forest.

“Damn it, finding them all is going to be a pain.” He muttered out aloud as the girls wiped the blood off their clothes and grabbed a nearby cart to carry off the dead to the trash heap. Molly chopped the bodies up while Emmy carted them away. The spores being shed by these buggers were not worth the resource they’d eventually suck up from the ground if they’re allowed to spread. He then turned to his side as he heard Beel yawn out.

The daemoness looked like a mess. Her hair was all tangled up and the only clothes she wore was one his more well worn shirt which was a size or two bigger than she was. “What in the warp was all that ruckus, Magi?” She grumbled out as wiped the sleepiness off her eyes.

“Just a recurring problem that decided to show itself. We have a gretchin infestation in the forest. I’ll have to find the village and burn everything down,” He complained, venting out his frustration with a tired huff. He gazed up at the forest crawling up to the side of the valley walls. There was no longer any need for him to help the forest spread with how things were growing but that meant that he had a lot more ground to cover to find that pesky village.

“Hmmm… you know, I think you should keep them.” She hummed out as she squinted at the pile of bodies Molly and Emmy were carting off.

He turned to her with a look of disgust etched on his face. “Are you seriously thinking of farming gretchins to eat?” He asked her with disbelief, tinging his voice.

“What? No!” She denied that accusation vehemently as she looked up at him with a pout but he met her gaze with a flat look. She rolled her eyes before grinning up at him. “I mean, I heard Gretchins are tasty, though I have more than enough Ork with you around,~” She teased him as she reached up and wrapped her arms around his bicep before lightly nibbling at him.

“Surprisingly, yes, yes they are.” he commented, confirming her suspicion while he ignored her lewd and teasing ways. To feed her lewdness was to invite more in the future.

“Ohhh, but I was thinking more of using them as bait. I want to go fishing today, you see.” She clarified, making him raise a brow at her. His mouth hung open as he tried to come up with a reply but his mind stuttered at the very thought she had thrown into his head.

“I’m sorry, but what?” He asked as he couldn’t quite wrap his mind around what she just said. She wanted to go fishing? Where the hell would she fish and what the hell would she want to catch that she needed Gretchins to act as bait?
-x-x-x-

As it turned out, Beel wasn’t kidding when she said that she was going to use gretchins as bait to fish in the large rift above the farm. The gigantic tear in reality acted like a pool of water, reflecting reality in the unreality that was the warp. He could see the demons fleeing from the twisted reflection of his farm just as his gaze fell upon them. His eyes drifted to the deep dark hole at the center, stretching far deeper in the warp but he chose not to look any further as the sense of vertigo he felt staring into what felt like an infinite abyss was not worth the trouble.

“Come on Magi, quite down. You’re scaring them away!” She scolded him as she started setting up her seat in the bow of one the ships jutting out of the rim of the valley. It was a rusty looking water borne cruise ship mixed in with that of a space borne vessel. There was plenty of flat space for them to hang around in and an empty pool to toss in their catch.

They had everything needed for a day out fishing. From a pair of comically large fishing rods that used entire tree logs as a pole with thick ropes to serve as the line as well as a cage filled with Gretchins. They even had a basket filled with cookies and other sweet and savory snacks along with a picnic blanket to complete the ensemble. Dirt was tasked to carry everything, including the basket of Gretchins, as punishment for what he had done earlier. He nodded approvingly as his lone gretchin collapsed on the ground after hauling everything in.

“They’re far more scared of you than I am, oh great Devourer,” He fired back with a jab at her self aggrandizing title. He was not one to forget how proudly she declared her title and poking fun at her was something he couldn’t stop himself from doing.

“Oh haha, very funny. Now, mind helping me tie up these buggers in my line?” She answered back before asking for help with the gretchins. He shook his head as he reached inside the locked basket before pulling out a plump little fellow. He made sure to tie the rope around the thing's torso. If he had a guess on what they were going to catch, he needed to secure them as tightly as he could.

“This is not going to work. Daemon aren’t that dumb.” He commented as he checked the integrity of the knot as well how sharp the adamantine hook was before letting it go.

“While I do appreciate the compliment to my race, you overestimate the intelligence of your average daemon,” She remarked as held the gretchin over the edge. The unseen wind soon pulled at them from above and right at the pit. With a mighty heave, she launched the poor grot rocketing towards the rift into unreality.
“What are you going to even do with these daemons?” He asked her, wondering what use she’d have of trying to catch daemons.

“I’m going to cook them and eat them off course,” Beel casually replied, making him palm his face as his ears burned from the embarrassment.

“I should have seen that coming,” He muttered out as he dragged his palm across his face before looking up at the sky once more. Surprisingly, the gretchin looked fine even if they were screaming their lungs off from the looks of things. “Still, I have one more question,” He then asked.

“Shoot.” She replied as she stuck her tongue out while she stared ahead in concentration.

“Wouldn’t eating daemons displease your uncles and aunt? The pink one prefers to be called an aunt right?” He pondered, wondering if that would desplease them. Sure, daemons were uncountable but wouldn't eating them count as stealing from those four?

“Oh yeah, Auntie only prefers it if it came from me but she can be a bit of a gluttonous bitch who wants to chomp off my arm,” She recounted, laughing at the morbid comment of her cannibalistic aunt trying to eat her. He shook his head at that but she waved off his concerns with a smile, ”Anyways, to answer your question, no actually. Hey, if they’re dumb enough to fall for this, they’re better off being culled.” She snorted as he laughed with her. Well, she did make a good point there.

Nodding at that, he then grabbed the spare fishing rod Beel made before he sat beside her, “You know what, let me have a crack at this. Hey, who knows, maybe I’ll catch more than you will,” He mused out loudly making his companion turn to him with a feral grin stretching across her face.

“Oho! Is that a challenge I hear?” She asked him as her eyes lit up with eagerness and excitement.

“Hah. As if there’d ever be a challenge. You haven’t even had a single bite all this time!” He retorted as he finished tying a gretchin on his own rod before tossing his line a bit farther away from where Beel casted her line.

“I’ll make you eat those words Magi!” She cheered out as he chuckled at her energy. She sure was a lively one for a daemon; if only all daemons were like her.

It wouldn’t take long before his line bobbed and something pulled at his line. The surface of the rift rippled as something grabbed on to the gretchin as blood muddied the warp. He planted his feet before he started reeling his catch in,“Hah! First one of the rounds and it’s a flesh hound!” he hollered as he fought with the dog-like creature. It nearly escaped several times but before long, he managed to exhaust it and out it came from the portal.

He made sure to grab it by the neck, breaking it as he felt the thing struggling under his hold. The thing fell limp and he unceremoniously tossed the corpse at the pool behind them.

“Oh come on uncle! Just throw me a bone here.” Beel complained at the portal as he waved her fist in the direction of her bait. As if right on cue, a skull came flying out of the portal and hit her squarely on the forehead. Her head rocked back as the skull was reduced to ashes leaving Beel with a large bump on the forehead, “I didn’t mean literally!” She cried out as he laughed uproariously.

He was quick to tie another gretchin on his line before tossing his line in quickly. As if luck was on his side, another bite quickly came his way while Beel was still left fuming and twiddling with her fishing pole.

“And here comes another!” he declared as he pulled and out came a screamer. True to its name, it screeched, but he silenced it with a quick punch to the mouth. With the manta ray looking daemonic creature dazed, he quickly finished it off with a punch on its head.

“Gods damn it! Father you shit, are you driving everyone away?!” She cursed at the daemonic god, demanding answers and getting none but the silence and stillness of the warp before her which had her screaming in frustration.

“Hah! Who’s scaring the daemons now?” He taunted, poking the woman on the ribs as her cheeks burnt red. She shot a glare at him as she let out a hiss anger, complete with snake tongue and all. He chuckled as he gave her a pat on the head.
“Shut it you,” The girl growled out without much heat as her scorn was focused upon the rod that barely twitched while his kept going off almost as soon as he take his eyes of it and even when he hadn’t!

“Hah, I know you love me,” He joked out as he tossed in another line before adding, “I kinda missed this, just me and a close friend throwing banter at each other.” He sighed out, smiling in content as he watched the warp heaved and roiled through the rift. As terrifying as it was, it was strangely beautiful to look at especially how things often popped out from the hole in the rift.

“Y-yeah but just shut up, I’m trying to concentrate here!” The girl stuttered out before turning away. He raised a brow at how the girl turned red but he didn’t think much of it as he focused on their little competition.
“Come on Beel, you know you can give up.” He poked at her side as he took a jab at her seeming inability to catch anything. Maybe it was just luck or maybe it was just daemons being scared off by her presence but whatever it was, it was funny as hell.

Still, her luck wouldn’t stay shit for long as her rod started bending with the wood creaking as something pulled on the line. With how much they stirred up the warp with their fishing, he couldn’t see what it was as all he saw now was the swirling mass of colors being pulled and spat out by the hole in the rift.

“W-wait! I caught something! Oh dear, it’s huge!” She exclaimed as she sat up and planted her feet. She stomped down hard, burying her feet in metal and even that barely helped.

“Holy shit. Oh fuck!” He laughed out, patting the girl on the back as he watched her wrangle with her catch.

“A little help here!” The girl shouted as the rod groaned under the strain. The rope went taut as whatever was on the other side pulled, fighting Beel every inch of the way. He made a grab for the rod and helped her. She stumbled a bit as his hands clasped the rod near her hands but she recovered as they started pulling together with her back pressed against his chest.

“Fucking hell Beel, what the hell did you catch?” He gritted out as his muscles ached and strained from the effort. Sweat started pouring down his forehead as he pulled even as his joints ached. He felt like he was pulling at a hub block with how heavy her catch was.

“I don’t know, but I’m eating well tonight!” She hollered out, whopping in joy at the fight they had in their hands. Even reality itself heaved with the wind howling from the presence of what was on the other side. They pulled and steered the mighty beast in their line, forcing them to expand more energy with every pull they made. It almost felt like an eternity but finally that great beast gave up as they were slowly reeled in.

“When I count down to three, we pull together alright!?” He hollered out, doing his best to speak up as the wind whipped around them.

“Got it!” She exclaimed as her hands shook from the effort.

“One, two, three!” he counted down and then they pulled. They shouted out, pulling with all their might as they finally hauled in their catch.

With a great big heave, they pulled together and out came the biggest fattest, ugliest and all sort of other-iest daemon that Magnsik has ever laid his eyes upon. It was a great big Unclean One with half its face bitten off and its head. The daemon was so big that he was stuck at the midway point. Great rolling folds of fat with huge bite marks were hanging upon the broken bones of the large half eaten corpse in front of them but the utter hate in its eyes told him that it was very much alive.

Beelzebub! Found you-URK!” The creature roared out before it choked out as Beelzebub rocketed off her perch to deliver a earth shattering punch at the greater daemons throat. The Unclean one wheezed out before its head was rocked back by another punch to the jaw. The giant mass of fat and meat jiggled as its eyes rolled up to their sockets. Before Magnsik could even process what had just happened, the daemon was hanging limp as it slipped back into the warp above.

“Say fuck you to father will you ok big bro!” She taunted as she landed back on the ship while she laughed out at the sight.

“Wait, was that…?” He trailed off as he stared as the rest of the daemon disappeared in the murky depths above and with them came the rod…

“Yup, Ku’gath, the little turd. Annoying little shit keeps begging me for his flesh and power but like I’d ever give those back.” She snorted out as she reached out to grab only for the rod to slip off her grasp with Ku’gath dragging it with him. She bit back a curse as she stood there and stomped her feet in anger.

“You know, I kinda expect him to be dead,” He commented as he grabbed his fishing rod.

“Oh nah, I purposely kept him alive. Makes father mad knowing that I’m still around whenever he looks at his golden child. Hah, suck it Ku’gath!” She jeered out toward the portal with a huge smile stretching across her face.

“Hah. Still, you kinda let your only catch so far go.” He pointed out as he tied another screaming and gibbering gretchin on it. He specifically chose the diseased looking one as he didn’t want them spoiling the whole bunch.

“Please don’t remind me…” the girl moaned out in despair as the smile on her face slipped off before she slumped in defeat.

“Here, you can have my fishing line.” He offered to the daemoness who stared at the rod in surprise. He snorted as he pressed the rod in her arms before he teased her, “Hey, it’s not like I’m going to lose if I go down to fetch myself a new one.”

The girl looked like she was going to blow her top for a brief second before she let out a full bellied laugh that had her shaking and crying. Her energy was infectious and soon he was laughing with her as well. He wiped his eyes as the laughter soon died out with Beel smiling brightly at him.

”You know Magi, you’re really something else,” She sighed out with a fond smile across her face. He proceeded to poked the girl on the side who giggled as she batted at his arms. “I’m being serious here~! You just watched two greater daemons fight and all you can think of is getting another fishing rod!” She remarked with a light dusting of pink in her cheeks.

“Hey, A Warboss’s Retirement Plan is sacred. I’m going to stick to my retirement unless I am forced to fight. I’m not going to let some superficial detail like a daemon roommate get in the way of enjoying my life.” He nodded sagely, fully intent on sticking with his retirement. He had found his slice of heaven in this cursed world and he wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of it.

Beel walked up to him before suddenly hugging him. He froze for a bit before he relaxed as he rubbed her back soothingly, “Hey Magi, do you really mean that?” She whispered softly as they held each other. He did not know why she was getting so touchy but… it felt nice.

“Yes. I’m not going to kick you out anytime soon,” He reassured her as the girl giggled out. The look she gave him after that with that mischievous glint in her eyes had him firing out a condition to stomp any ideas she might have. “Unless! Unless you force my hands like eating all my sweets,” he explicitly added, making sure that the girl knew that there were lines she shouldn’t cross.

“Gods damn it,” She lamented as she looked longingly at the baskets of treats being guarded by a whistling Dirt who had some dusting of crumbs on his face. He was quick to give Beel a flick on the forehead before he pulled away from her.

“Curse all you want but that cookie jar will never open unless I say so. It’s been ages since I have had some good cookies. What kind of fucking dark future is this that there’s no more cookies?! I swear, this is one of the reason why everyone’s so fucking fucked all the time.“ He muttered out as he gave Dirt a light kick on the nads and gretchin collapsed wheezing and retching. Yes, orks had them even if they were only vestigial; they weren’t ken dolls after all.

-x-x-x-

“And that’s a buttload of daemons.” Magnsik smugly declared as he looked at the pool that had filled up to quite a degree. It wasn’t completely filled up but there was an entire layer of bodies down there. The Nurglings didn’t count as they smelled horrible and Beel was the one tending to them without so much a blink or gag. The rods still had one bait each but no more daemons were taking the bait so they just left it there knowing that there would be no more catches for the day.

“And all got was this stupid fury…” Beel mumbled out as she kicked the winged demonic looking monkey. It was barely bigger than the gretchin she used to lure it out.

He gave the girl a comforting pat on the shoulders as he said, “It’s fine Beel. we have more than enough anyways. Honestly, I don't know what the hell I’m going to do with these,” He admitted to her as he scratched the back of his head.

“Let me handle that for you. You can just throw the rest back in the rift.” Beel replied with a pat on her belly. He snorted as he hopped down the pool to find the juiciest looking daemons or at least what he thought looked juicy for her which most of the time was the biggest. He made sure to gather a wide selection before tying everything up for Dirt to drag. The gretchin sagged at the sight but he kept his mouth shut.

“Let me butcher the meat for you. I’m tossing the nurgling aside though. You eat those raw cause I’m not going to ruin a pot by tossing them in.” He said as he tossed the bundle of daemons towards the gretchin.

“As if you have to ask!” Beel mumbled in between mouthfuls of slug-like nurglings and huge flies.

Magsnik just shook his head as he eventually had to carry the bundle of daemonic beasts as Dirt couldn’t carry it all. It was all good in the end as they got home sooner so the meat stayed fresh. Overall, he was satisfied with the day. He even pulled out a cool looking knife out of a Flesh Hound.

It was wicked sharp and it cut through vegetables like a hot knife through butter. He didn’t even need to sharpen it after he used it to hack through bones and sinew. It had the symbol of the blood god on it and it was pointy as heck but hey, he loved the knife in the kitchen so in the kitchen it stayed. He wasn’t sure why Beel was laughing her ass off but he didn’t care cause he found a very good knife.

Still, even as he was butchering their catch and preparing a pot for Beel, he couldn't help but wonder if he had forgotten something.

-x-x-x-
The Triumph of Ullanor

There above the sky, two sets of ropes were pulled into the rift. There, they were sucked in the deep hole in the middle of the rift. It extended deep, punching out of unreality as well into the vast nothingness in between. The gretchins screamed and screamed as they were assaulted by unreality until their torment ended as they were sucked in a portal leading to a small but still familiar world. In the end though, they were nothing but burnt corpses but the rope they were attached too held firm.

An armored feminine figure with white locks swept back to reveal black horns walked up to the rope before gazing up at the sky. Even with her milky eyes, she still saw and there on the other side of the portal was quite the noble spirit, “Interesting,” She muttered out as she started climbing up the ropes.

-x-x-x-

On the world of Ullanor Prime, countless human citizens cheered as the Imperiums might was displayed in full force. No longer was the planet under the feet of the dreaded Ork Warlord, Magsnik Kogchewa, Thrice damned be his name, for it had been liberated and its governing handed to its human population. Now, was a time for celebration and there was much rejoicing.

For many of the countless masses, this was a triumph like no other as the full might of the Imperium were on full display. The Excertus Imperialis with their rank and file marched alongside the Legions of Mars. The very ground shook as the countless tanks made their way through the main procession way of the old ork Warlord while the sky turned gold as countless aircraft flew above leaving trails of yellow smoke. Walking with them were the warmachines of the Collegia Titanica whose mechanical constructs dwarfed even the giant buildings surrounding the procession plaza and to top it all off were the very angels of the emperor himself, the Legio Astartes; representation from all eighteen legions were present on this very planet.

For a man like Malchador, this was nothing more than a show of force to hide the disaster that happened there. He walked away from the balcony overseeing everything as he entered the room where all Eighteen Primarchs and the Emperor himself gathered around a refurbished holographic display discussing the current state of the imperium. He walked up to the large empty chair beside his friend and found himself sinking into the cushions that allowed him to stretch his aching limbs.

He had not seen such technology in ages but it was a welcome surprise from all the things that they had looted so far from the Warboss’s palace. For lack of better words, the Warboss was a big fan of human technology, “We should take this room and everything on it back to Terra. It would make for a great war room for the palace you’re going to construct,” He commented but his friend ignored him as he stared upon the flickering display before them

“The Orkish resistance had been stiff but they have retreated. We might have to pursue them at a later date but we have Ullanor effectively under our control, despite reports of purple orks from time to time.” Guilliman reported as he brought up videos of organized Orks commandos striking and disappearing as soon as they appeared.

“I will need a volunteer force to suppress and eliminate these orks but enough of them for now. How’s the transfer of power to the new government?” Revelation asked as he leaned forward.

“The current votes for the governor of Ullanor as well as who’d represent them in Terra have just been completed.” Guilliman reported as he brought up the image of the girl that would be the governor of the planet. From maid to that of governor, quite the jump he might say.

“Good. While I would have preferred for them to take a more centralized approach, a parliament does have its upside. Now the reports of the remnants of the Orkish horde?” Revelation asked with a frown on his face.

Malchador tuned out the droning of Guilliman as he reported the current situation of the Crusade as he looked around the room. The source of the current fuck up, Horus had forced himself in the room even if he was still on life support. The missing arm he sported drew looks of concern from the Wolf King who sat by Horus. Those weren’t the only ones that caught his eyes as he saw Curze of all people smiling.

It wasn’t a subtle smile or a hidden smirk but rather a full on maniacal grin as the boy stared at Horus. The look of disgust sent to him by Sanguinius who sat by the half crippled Primarch. There was also the look of hate and fear hidden in the stony faced Primarch of the Iron Warriors as they stared at the Eye of Terror. He made a mental note to talk to the boy about it. He might have been a bit too focused on Alpharius Omegon but there were other Psykers among the primarchs that needed attention.

Aside from that, it was business as usual with the Lion sneering at Horus, Magnus furiously leafing through a book titled Remote Viewing while he listened, Dorn frowning as he listened to Guilliman, Corvus sitting down his arms crossed across his chest while tapping his foot, Lorgar staring impassively at his Father, Angron looking like he was about to explode, Mortarion not so subtly sending glares at his friend and Magnus, Fulgrim and Ferrus making small talks while glancing over to Horus, Jaghtai staring at the map contemplatively, and Alpharius being his usual self. Only Vulkan looked calm but he looked worried about Horus as well. All in all, it was the ensemble that was the dysfunctional family that he was in.

Malcador reached for a glass of water and was about to doze off when Horus suddenly dropped a bombshell of a declaration on them all, “Father, I’m going on an extended leave from the Crusade. I need time to heal as well as find that blasted ork,” Horus suddenly declared as he stood up even as he had to use the stand holding his IV Bag up for support, interrupting Revelation just as he was about to speak up.

“And I’m going to go with my brother on his quest!” Leman then shouted immediately in support of his brother as he too stood up as well.

Malcador spat out his drink as the room devolved into Anarchy. Accusations of cowardice among other insults were thrown as the emotions that had been simmering had exploded, turning brothers against brothers as they derided and defended Horus' foolish quest. He sat there shaking his head and patting his friend on the back as the man just sunk into his seat and massaged his temples. Things had just gone from bad to worse.

A/N:

Fucking loved this chapter. It's sweet and fluffy just like how I like it. Also yes, the hole Magsnik is far more stable than it looked to the point that the area where they are allows for the daemons to manifest without much carnage. It's literally the perfect spot for them but fortuantely for Magsnik, a certain princess called dibs first and not even her brothers can do shit. As for Horus, poor guy lol. He's trying his god darn best to look as perfect but with half an arm and injured, he's basically out of commision for quite a while. While it might be ill thought out, he needs this quest not only to repair his wounded ego as well as remove a threat and get his mind back into the game. Unfortunately for everyone, and even the Four themselves, not only is he going out hunting but the Leman Russ is going with him. The future has now suddenly changed... a lot. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll have to go sit in a room while I try to puzzle out how everythings going to happen.
With that out of the way, I'd like to thank @Vyor for being the best Beta I could ask for. I'd also want to thank my Patrons once again. You guys are the best! Consider dropping by my Patreon page and became a patron today to support me so I can keep on making these types of fics. It means a lot to me to keep on working on my fics. I also have also have a Ko-Fi page and a Subscribe Star for those who do not like Patreon.

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Hmmm...on one hand, I want to make a JLU story where the Atlantean MC pairs up with Diane (and it could be even encouraged between the two people as an alliance between Amazons and Atlanteans would be very beneficial) but on the other hand... I want an Arknights SI story where the MC gives Frostnova the happy ending she deserves. There's now another voice telling me to make another Cyberpunk fic with an SI being mentored by old man Blackhand (with Hugh Jackman as faceclaim :V) that might take alot of inspiration from the Ballad of Buster Scruggs.
 

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Well-known member
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Chapter 3 is up now in Patreon, Ko-Fi page, and SubscribeStar so if you're interested in reading it in advance, you know where to look. This chapter is huge.. like really huge and had me spent. I was planning on doing another chapter for a another but I'm already exhausted so I'm going to take a short 4 day break from writing. It's been 4 long months of writing and I need a short mental health break as well as to get my sleep back to 11pm once more. Anyways, here's a little teaser I want to share just to entice you all, just... around 700 words of it. Enjoy and see you next week!

Here Come's a New Challenger

"Oh master, I hope you don't mind but I've already started with the barbecue." Emmy apologized as she manned the grill. It was more of a pit than anything else but he at least made sure it was bricked up and not just a hole in the ground. Currently, the girl was brushing some marinade over the leftover squig meat as the dark brown sauce dribbled down and sizzled over the charcoal. The savory scent of the bastardized soy sauce mixing in with the juices in the smoke made his stomach grumble.

"I appreciate it, Emmy. I was a bit preoccupied with the squigs so it's a relief that I didn't have to set things up." He replied as he unslung his bag on top of a nearby table and untied the knot. There were a lot of carcasses that needed to be processed which should top up his larder for quite some time."How's the smoker going?" he then asked, wondering how that little project was going.

"While I admit that I'm a bit out of my depth here as this is the first time I've handled meat like this, it's doing quite well." Molly answered as she lifted up the hood of the makeshift smoker he made just for the occasion. He made sure that he only used the hulls of the ship around them when making it to avoid getting paint over the daemonic meat. The bloody ribs, center loin, shanks and brisket of the Fleshhound made the smoke plenty fragrant and mouthwatering. Even after the crust had formed, it still looked plenty juicy. All in all, the smoker looked plenty demonic, especially with the green flame sizzling inside.

Prodding the meat with her fork, she then said "The heat's in the ranger that most meat would turn to briquettes but it's cooking quite well. We wouldn't have been able to reach such a temperature without the master's green flame. It should be done in a few more hours. "

"Good good, just keep it up and pull one out later so we can have a look. Hopefully, it doesn't dry out." He praised her before reminding her to check on it.

"I'm sure the master would find that our grilling skills have yet to fail us." The girl saluted as she closed back the lid before she prodded a sleeping Dirt for more charcoal. The gretchin grumbled as they went out to get more for the pit and the smoker.

"I'm looking forward to having a bite now." He grinned out as he walked over to Emmy. He knelt down beside the pit and reached his hands in so that he could wash off the spit and dirt that had clung to his hands using the still hot ash. It stung a bit but he managed to rub off everything leaving his hands dusty but clean.

Dusting off his hands on his pants, he stood up before he asked her, "Emmy, I'll handle the grill now. Mind if you butcher these for me?". He gestured at the pile he laid out on the table which was in dire need of being processed into squigdogs.

"I would be delighted too but I'm not too familiar with such creatures." The girl admitted as she looked over the pile unsurely.

"That's easy really. Just think of it as chicken but it has a really big mouth. Keep the intestines though as I'll need to use that for the sausages later." He explained as he pulled out his favorite butchering knife and handed it to the girl. For her, it looked more like a proper sword than a knife but she handled it quite well as she held it in one hand.

"You can count on me!" Emmy saluted as she handed him the fork and brush she was using before she walked over the pile and started butchering. With the sword in deft hands, she hacked away at the squig, tearing them apart with practiced ease with a bright and sunny smile on her face. Even as she tore through squig corpse after squig corpse, not a single blood spilled down on the group; Trully, his butchering knife was the best knife one could ask for.

P.S I'll reply to you later today. For now, I just enjoy my break and have a blast. Also, I would love to discuss the waifu plans I have but... I'd keep that in my discord
:V
. You can either find me in Shiro's or my own discord. Don't be afraid to ping me cause I'm a blind and lazy bastard when it coems to chatting.
 

Tel Janin Aman

Well-known member
Comrade
There's now another voice telling me to make another Cyberpunk fic with an SI being mentored by old man Blackhand (with Hugh Jackman as faceclaim :V) that might take alot of inspiration from the Ballad of Buster Scruggs
Well SAMURAI happen to have a song called the Ballad of Buck Ravers, almost seems like destiny! Burn down the corporate man!
 

ATP

Well-known member
UREW45S.jpg


Chapter 3 is up now in Patreon, Ko-Fi page, and SubscribeStar so if you're interested in reading it in advance, you know where to look. This chapter is huge.. like really huge and had me spent. I was planning on doing another chapter for a another but I'm already exhausted so I'm going to take a short 4 day break from writing. It's been 4 long months of writing and I need a short mental health break as well as to get my sleep back to 11pm once more. Anyways, here's a little teaser I want to share just to entice you all, just... around 700 words of it. Enjoy and see you next week!

Here Come's a New Challenger

"Oh master, I hope you don't mind but I've already started with the barbecue." Emmy apologized as she manned the grill. It was more of a pit than anything else but he at least made sure it was bricked up and not just a hole in the ground. Currently, the girl was brushing some marinade over the leftover squig meat as the dark brown sauce dribbled down and sizzled over the charcoal. The savory scent of the bastardized soy sauce mixing in with the juices in the smoke made his stomach grumble.

"I appreciate it, Emmy. I was a bit preoccupied with the squigs so it's a relief that I didn't have to set things up." He replied as he unslung his bag on top of a nearby table and untied the knot. There were a lot of carcasses that needed to be processed which should top up his larder for quite some time."How's the smoker going?" he then asked, wondering how that little project was going.

"While I admit that I'm a bit out of my depth here as this is the first time I've handled meat like this, it's doing quite well." Molly answered as she lifted up the hood of the makeshift smoker he made just for the occasion. He made sure that he only used the hulls of the ship around them when making it to avoid getting paint over the daemonic meat. The bloody ribs, center loin, shanks and brisket of the Fleshhound made the smoke plenty fragrant and mouthwatering. Even after the crust had formed, it still looked plenty juicy. All in all, the smoker looked plenty demonic, especially with the green flame sizzling inside.

Prodding the meat with her fork, she then said "The heat's in the ranger that most meat would turn to briquettes but it's cooking quite well. We wouldn't have been able to reach such a temperature without the master's green flame. It should be done in a few more hours. "

"Good good, just keep it up and pull one out later so we can have a look. Hopefully, it doesn't dry out." He praised her before reminding her to check on it.

"I'm sure the master would find that our grilling skills have yet to fail us." The girl saluted as she closed back the lid before she prodded a sleeping Dirt for more charcoal. The gretchin grumbled as they went out to get more for the pit and the smoker.

"I'm looking forward to having a bite now." He grinned out as he walked over to Emmy. He knelt down beside the pit and reached his hands in so that he could wash off the spit and dirt that had clung to his hands using the still hot ash. It stung a bit but he managed to rub off everything leaving his hands dusty but clean.

Dusting off his hands on his pants, he stood up before he asked her, "Emmy, I'll handle the grill now. Mind if you butcher these for me?". He gestured at the pile he laid out on the table which was in dire need of being processed into squigdogs.

"I would be delighted too but I'm not too familiar with such creatures." The girl admitted as she looked over the pile unsurely.

"That's easy really. Just think of it as chicken but it has a really big mouth. Keep the intestines though as I'll need to use that for the sausages later." He explained as he pulled out his favorite butchering knife and handed it to the girl. For her, it looked more like a proper sword than a knife but she handled it quite well as she held it in one hand.

"You can count on me!" Emmy saluted as she handed him the fork and brush she was using before she walked over the pile and started butchering. With the sword in deft hands, she hacked away at the squig, tearing them apart with practiced ease with a bright and sunny smile on her face. Even as she tore through squig corpse after squig corpse, not a single blood spilled down on the group; Trully, his butchering knife was the best knife one could ask for.

P.S I'll reply to you later today. For now, I just enjoy my break and have a blast. Also, I would love to discuss the waifu plans I have but... I'd keep that in my discord
:V
. You can either find me in Shiro's or my own discord. Don't be afraid to ping me cause I'm a blind and lazy bastard when it coems to chatting.
RL is always more important.Write if you can and want.
Back to story - Chaos would found another puppet,but not as good as Horus.Magnitsk accidentally saved his ass and soul.
And maybe IoM,too.

P.S How much human technology they found there?
And,was it used by maids? orks would destroy it.
 

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