Arch Dornan
Oh, lovely. They've sent me a mo-ron.
Isn't there fanart of that already?
Movies Star Wars - Rise of Skywalker - Spoiler Discussion Zone
Abyssgazer
Failed Inventor of the Banana Gun
Listening to reviews and leaks, so for those who've seen it. How accurate would this be?
Rise of Skywalker is the desperate hammering of a cork into the diarrhea spewing ass of Rian's TLJ by JJ, to an extent it succeeded and as a movie(And sometimes takes the liberty of missing the cork to smash TLJ in the balls out of frustration). Taking merely in that context as a stand alone movie with little to no baggage its a decent popcorn flick you watch once and never watch again and forget.
But only in the context of placing ROS next to TLJ. Which is like putting an idiot next to a retard and telling the idiot "At least your not that retarded!"
Taken in the greater context of it being an 'Ending' for the whole saga's tale, then that cork JJ worked so desperately into that diarrhea spewing ass, flew free with greater fecal fury dying the whole saga's story in its cloying stink as ruins nearly all of the greater storyline that it built itself on which nothing short of burning the Disney parts of the house down with chlorine-trifluoride could undo.
Admittedly a lot of said damage was from TLJ's gleeful use of its scheissewerfer of an ass going room to room in the house built by the OT and PT, but especially giving TFA's room attention from the ceiling to rubbing its ass along the floor like a dog and filling each of those moving boxes filled with mystery TFA had put in its room for TLJ to use. By the end of its rampage it had done serious structural damage to the part of the house which Disney's trilogy was suppose to live and varying damage to both the OT and PT.
Which is what JJ had to contend with on his return to the SW house and build the room for RoS which had shit spackled building materials leaving him to figure how much of said materials he could keep vs what he had to torch.
Rise of Skywalker is the desperate hammering of a cork into the diarrhea spewing ass of Rian's TLJ by JJ, to an extent it succeeded and as a movie(And sometimes takes the liberty of missing the cork to smash TLJ in the balls out of frustration). Taking merely in that context as a stand alone movie with little to no baggage its a decent popcorn flick you watch once and never watch again and forget.
But only in the context of placing ROS next to TLJ. Which is like putting an idiot next to a retard and telling the idiot "At least your not that retarded!"
Taken in the greater context of it being an 'Ending' for the whole saga's tale, then that cork JJ worked so desperately into that diarrhea spewing ass, flew free with greater fecal fury dying the whole saga's story in its cloying stink as ruins nearly all of the greater storyline that it built itself on which nothing short of burning the Disney parts of the house down with chlorine-trifluoride could undo.
Admittedly a lot of said damage was from TLJ's gleeful use of its scheissewerfer of an ass going room to room in the house built by the OT and PT, but especially giving TFA's room attention from the ceiling to rubbing its ass along the floor like a dog and filling each of those moving boxes filled with mystery TFA had put in its room for TLJ to use. By the end of its rampage it had done serious structural damage to the part of the house which Disney's trilogy was suppose to live and varying damage to both the OT and PT.
Which is what JJ had to contend with on his return to the SW house and build the room for RoS which had shit spackled building materials leaving him to figure how much of said materials he could keep vs what he had to torch.
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Bigking321
Well-known member
Not... quite how I'd put it.
Fuck Rian Johnson. I like your allegory tho.
Arch Dornan
Oh, lovely. They've sent me a mo-ron.
Abyssgazer
Failed Inventor of the Banana Gun
Having watched the movie on the cheap at last. It's barely a week into release on Christmas week and the theater was half full. C3PO easily got the most emotion from the crowd making me and everyone chuckle and outside some meh level applause at the very end, I don't think anyone left the theater giving much of a shit.
Palp was a nice piece of ham that gnawed the damn scenery and Chewie was pretty good for what little they gave him.
Of all the new character crammed in a few I think were because of Rian just wreaking them in TLJ, like General Pride being the intimidating First Order general they sorely needed and the rapid removal of Hux as any possible sense of threat from him was spent over TFA and TLJ.
After having watched it.
I feel my analogy was fairly accurate, though needs more burning HATE! in J.J mallet bashing of Rian for his theatrical scheissewerfer that was TLJ and instead of just Rian's cork coming out it's more that being in the vicinity of TLJ gave J.J food poisoning.
You could tell how little of a damn J.J gave about the TLJ as he did everything short of blatantly stating "It never happened. Understood!?" but couldn't due to the fact Disney wouldn't allow that.
Over all, taken on its own carrying only the luggage of TFA and TLJ, it was a 5 outta 10. Could have been a 6, but I honestly felt bored in the theater watching it at times, though that may have been due to knowing it all from the leaks.
Because you have to cop to the fact short of god, no one could salvage episode 9 after Rian's blatant smug shitting over everything in TLJ. And going by rumors this movie was less just J.J writing and a great healthy dose of Disney exec meddling from KK and Bob's sides. I'll give this a golf clap for it's attempt.
Taking the wider lore and view including the older movies, sinks the score down to a 3. As I reserve 1 and 2s for truly, truly just garbage movies(TLJ after you give it thought for example.)
Palp was a nice piece of ham that gnawed the damn scenery and Chewie was pretty good for what little they gave him.
Of all the new character crammed in a few I think were because of Rian just wreaking them in TLJ, like General Pride being the intimidating First Order general they sorely needed and the rapid removal of Hux as any possible sense of threat from him was spent over TFA and TLJ.
After having watched it.
I feel my analogy was fairly accurate, though needs more burning HATE! in J.J mallet bashing of Rian for his theatrical scheissewerfer that was TLJ and instead of just Rian's cork coming out it's more that being in the vicinity of TLJ gave J.J food poisoning.
You could tell how little of a damn J.J gave about the TLJ as he did everything short of blatantly stating "It never happened. Understood!?" but couldn't due to the fact Disney wouldn't allow that.
Over all, taken on its own carrying only the luggage of TFA and TLJ, it was a 5 outta 10. Could have been a 6, but I honestly felt bored in the theater watching it at times, though that may have been due to knowing it all from the leaks.
Because you have to cop to the fact short of god, no one could salvage episode 9 after Rian's blatant smug shitting over everything in TLJ. And going by rumors this movie was less just J.J writing and a great healthy dose of Disney exec meddling from KK and Bob's sides. I'll give this a golf clap for it's attempt.
Taking the wider lore and view including the older movies, sinks the score down to a 3. As I reserve 1 and 2s for truly, truly just garbage movies(TLJ after you give it thought for example.)
gral
Well-known member
The lengths JJ Abrams went to deny TLJ bordered full-fledged pettyness(I'm looking at you, tank of Snoke clones, and you, 'Holdo Maneuver? Come on that was one in a million!'). Rian really pissed JJ Abrams off.
Arch Dornan
Oh, lovely. They've sent me a mo-ron.
Rian had Snoke killed so that's his mystery box formula ripped to pisses as he gets pulled in to clean up his mess.
Damn right he's pissed.
Tyzuris
Primarch to your glory& the glory of him on Earth!
The best way I've heard Rian Johnson's work on Star Wars discussed, is that he is akin to a dog in a house named Star Wars dragging its shitty, diarrhea butt throughout the entire house's floor making shitstains all over the place.
Arch Dornan
Oh, lovely. They've sent me a mo-ron.
He reminds me of this murder episode where Star trek fans had issues with some film director for fucking with their film that had some antagonist holding someone prisoner and shooting the protagonist.
After doing some digging it was a CSI episode with a parody of Star trek where the issue was a director doing an edgier version of a classic which fans didn't like.
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Tiamat
I've seen the future...
Can we all just agree Star Wars has suffered the same fate, at least at the moment, as has several other franchises have once the current crop of political ideologists got their stinking hands on it. Yes, I’m looking at James Bond, doctor who, Charlie’s Angels, The Terminator, Ghostbusters, etc.
Someone needs to make these idiots go back in time and see what happens to art and cinema when it gets hijacked by political ideologists like the Nazis and Communists.
Someone needs to make these idiots go back in time and see what happens to art and cinema when it gets hijacked by political ideologists like the Nazis and Communists.
Saw and generally liked it. Overall as a movie it was comparable to The Force Awakens in quality I feel, a level more epic in scale and a level less in overall quality of character and narrative. There was a lot more nostalgia here for the Star Wars fans though.
Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves and while a lot of the jokes were merely smile inducing as opposed to laugh out loud funny, I did find the character dialogue and interactions suitably amusing. Palpy coming back was fine and while it wasn't quite to the level of his appearances in previous films, it was good enough. Loved the bits about Exagal, and the new scene locations and all of that. Plus the notable mentions of the inanity of the Holdo Maneuver and other quips about the previous film were quite appreciated.
Some of the choices were a bit much, like the Star Destroyers with planet killing explodium cannons on their bellies and Palpatine's narration being a bit too detailed on how they'll all merge into Rey's body, but I enjoyed the entire ride for the most part and there were a few scenes that gave me nostalgia chills for sure. I imagine I'll end up with a bit of a lower opinion of the movie much like I felt with many of the prequels and especially the Force Awakens but still overall, I think it was a pretty decent film all around. Borderline good, certainly an improvement over the previous films.
As lesbian embracing goes... I'm not going to knock the personal appearance of the actresses involved but they could've been hotter. Just saying there was room for improvement to make it more... tasteful and... provocative...
Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves and while a lot of the jokes were merely smile inducing as opposed to laugh out loud funny, I did find the character dialogue and interactions suitably amusing. Palpy coming back was fine and while it wasn't quite to the level of his appearances in previous films, it was good enough. Loved the bits about Exagal, and the new scene locations and all of that. Plus the notable mentions of the inanity of the Holdo Maneuver and other quips about the previous film were quite appreciated.
Some of the choices were a bit much, like the Star Destroyers with planet killing explodium cannons on their bellies and Palpatine's narration being a bit too detailed on how they'll all merge into Rey's body, but I enjoyed the entire ride for the most part and there were a few scenes that gave me nostalgia chills for sure. I imagine I'll end up with a bit of a lower opinion of the movie much like I felt with many of the prequels and especially the Force Awakens but still overall, I think it was a pretty decent film all around. Borderline good, certainly an improvement over the previous films.
As lesbian embracing goes... I'm not going to knock the personal appearance of the actresses involved but they could've been hotter. Just saying there was room for improvement to make it more... tasteful and... provocative...
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Certified_Heterosexual
The Falklands are Serbian, you cowards.
Changing the subject completely, but...
Can you imagine what the writer's room must have been like when the idea was first floated that Rey would beat Palpatine by using a second lightsaber? I understand the quandary of coming up with a satisfying ending after Rian went scorched earth in the second movie as well as devising a way to beat someone that was only defeated in ROJ when a trusted underling sacrificed himself to kill him; but THIS is what they came up with? THIS was the hatch they used to escape the corner into which they'd painted themselves? A small part of me wants to believe that there was still a small glimmer of artistic integrity in the writers that compelled them to avoid eye contact, go home early and drink themselves stupid in shame.
Of course the rest of me quickly bullies the shit out that small part and instead I imagine they high-fived each other, used terms like 'AMAZABALLS!' to describe their screenwriting genius, then spent the rest to the afternoon celebrating by dueling with official Disney-brand Star Wars sex toys (Fleshlight-sabers vs. Dyldo-Rens).
Can you imagine what the writer's room must have been like when the idea was first floated that Rey would beat Palpatine by using a second lightsaber? I understand the quandary of coming up with a satisfying ending after Rian went scorched earth in the second movie as well as devising a way to beat someone that was only defeated in ROJ when a trusted underling sacrificed himself to kill him; but THIS is what they came up with? THIS was the hatch they used to escape the corner into which they'd painted themselves? A small part of me wants to believe that there was still a small glimmer of artistic integrity in the writers that compelled them to avoid eye contact, go home early and drink themselves stupid in shame.
Of course the rest of me quickly bullies the shit out that small part and instead I imagine they high-fived each other, used terms like 'AMAZABALLS!' to describe their screenwriting genius, then spent the rest to the afternoon celebrating by dueling with official Disney-brand Star Wars sex toys (Fleshlight-sabers vs. Dyldo-Rens).
Tiamat
I've seen the future...
I can't decide if that last image is utterly hideous or insanely hilarious.
Bigking321
Well-known member
I think the writing room must have been in a state of abject panic about this movie. I've heard rumors (and so far unverifiable rumors) that this movie had a ton of problems.
Rushed, extreme corporate meddling, late reshoots, complete lack of story direction.
If even half of it turns out to be true I might owe jj a apology and dislike Disney even more.
Rushed, extreme corporate meddling, late reshoots, complete lack of story direction.
If even half of it turns out to be true I might owe jj a apology and dislike Disney even more.
Well to be fair JJ Abrams did have a tall order set ahead of him with how Rian Johnson torpedo'd the trilogy with the second film with the divided fanbase and then Solo being utterly lackluster in the box office. I can imagine there was a great deal of corporate meddling because of it and eventually JJ Abrams I feel from seeing the final product, just wanted to make an entertaining movie that would deliver on the nostalgia that Star Wars fans wanted (and worked in The Force Awakens) and wrap up the storylines as epically as possible. They did spend a lot of time with Poe, Finn and Rey hanging out and doing things together on various worlds and adventures which is what was missing in the previous films and they did build a lot of rapport I feel (and all three of the actors are good). It's just one bloated movie can't make up for two movies in a trilogy of character arcs.
The main disappointing thing I found was the lack of proper final space battle, especially with how massive the starfleets set up were. It was all background... like with Episode III as opposed to the fleet battles of Endor or Scarif where it was a battle scene that could practically hold out all on its own.
The main disappointing thing I found was the lack of proper final space battle, especially with how massive the starfleets set up were. It was all background... like with Episode III as opposed to the fleet battles of Endor or Scarif where it was a battle scene that could practically hold out all on its own.
Well, the overall situation seems to be more like this:
JJ Abrams had the first act of a three-act magic show, and he spent his time doing some pretty simple tricks we've all seen before. He did the linking rings and pulled a rabbit out of a hat, and then he left a dozen plates spinning on rods as he left the stage for Rian Johnson's act. And the audience is positive, but mixed. Some people think that the magic act was boring and uncreative, but others think it was exactly what they came to see.
Rian Johnson walks on stage, knocks the plates off their sticks, tears the hoops apart, and launches into a stand-up comedy routine. And the audience is deeply divided about the second act. Some think it was genius because they liked the jokes and they didn't expect to see props smashed right in front of their faces, while others feel that they paid money to see a magic show, not hear bad jokes about rich people and animal abuse.
JJ Abrams storms back on stage and proceeds to spend two hours gluing his props back together and improvising new tricks when the glue doesn't hold. But since it's damn near impossible to improvise a magic trick on the fly, he resorts to juggling the plates and telling a few yo mamma jokes about Rian Johnson's mother. It's not fun to watch, but it's hard to see where else he could have gone with the third act.
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Rian managed to fuck up three movies at one time, JJ had an over arcing plot and Rian decided to do something completely different without any thought for the next movies. That dumb cunt in charge that has no idea about the EU books and comics even after all these years is STILL carrying water for Rian. Rian who managed to piss off Mark Hamill, who I can't wait to hear from now that he doesn't have a gag order on him from the mouse. I bring this up because years ago I personally watched this man laugh off baby vomit during a meet and greet. You can tell from the interviews Hamill found 8, and Rian to be far worse then baby vomit.
I can only hope the trilogy gets a remake soon even if it's animated as long as they have a plan and draw from the EU everything will be fine. Until then I'll take the Vong over this shit.
gral
Well-known member
Well, baby vomit can be cleaned(and its smell, be rid of) somewhat quickly. The making of TLJ, and the time Hamill had to work with Rian, was much longer than that.
EDIT: BTW, regarding the 'dumb cunt'. What the hell is wrong with her? She's not an executive idiot that was dropped on her current job, she's a LucasArts employee since 2005, and had previously been working with Steven Spielberg since ET. Someone with this resumé shouldn't be as clueless about the main franchise of her company(the one that created her company, as a matter of fact) as she is, yet...
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The original trilogy was a compilation effort of multiple people working together to put out a series of films that flow from one to the other. The prequel trilogy is the vision of one man and his ideas of star wars. The sequel trilogy is two men, with vastly different ideas, fighting over the steering wheel and crashing the car in a fiery wreck.