The motivations for sex and the consequences

Hastur of Carcosa said:
in theory it's "We want to strengthen families bounds together." In reality it becomes more of "I sell you my son/daughter" for your prized pig/thier weight in gold/X acres of land ect. Again pretty much a more sophisticated form of prostitution.

Ideally what I'm talking about is two kids essentially being raised for each other.
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Depends. I've seen it used to solve a number of social ills. In some cases, I've seen teens be paired off as a means of preventing promiscuity. In others, it's used for if a son of daughter seems incapable of finding a spouse on their own.

People focus a lot on the family aspect of it, and tend to ignore the the social motivations for it. Plus, there's a lot of emphasis placed on love in our society, but research into lasting marriages doesn't seem to support the "romantic" angle, and instead tends to suggest that people learn to be together and that most people would probably end up in a pretty decent relationship with most other people if they went into it with the right mindset.
 
Yinko said:
Depends. I've seen it used to solve a number of social ills. In some cases, I've seen teens be paired off as a means of preventing promiscuity. In others, it's used for if a son of daughter seems incapable of finding a spouse on their own.

People focus a lot on the family aspect of it, and tend to ignore the the social motivations for it. Plus, there's a lot of emphasis placed on love in our society, but research into lasting marriages doesn't seem to support the "romantic" angle, and instead tends to suggest that people learn to be together and that most people would probably end up in a pretty decent relationship with most other people if they went into it with the right mindset.
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I won't deny that marriage is as much a mindset as anything, but I don't know. I guess it's the political chess game aspect of it that turns me off. (no pun intended.) I mean the song matchmaker from Fiddler on the Roof was meant to be a more satirical take on the whole thing, and yet in several aspects it was accurate (they do say true comedy always has a piece of truth in it.) Speaking of which....

 
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Arranged marriages depend every much on mindset. Sometimes they did and are loving and loyal. Other times it varies from indifference and contempt to outright hate.

We can see this spectrum of marriages throughout its history. You married the girl because her daddy owned land and thus you’d inherit it, you didn’t marry her because you liked or even knew her. Sometimes you’d make it work. Sometimes you’d have a mistress or two and your wife would either be in the chapel praying every day for deliverance or with her lover(depending on her own moral constitution).

Personally I think I’d hate to be in an arranged marriage. I could probably put on a smile, and do my conjugal duties without too much fuss. But I’d resent my parents for it.

With regards to that-if your going into it, hating your spouse to be and cursing your parents for the match, your probably going to have a hateful marriage. If both parties go into it with an attitude of “make this work” if only to please the parents/further the family then there a lot more stable.

And stable doesn’t mean loving. It doesn’t even mean happy. The whole point though of marriage as an institution is for the social bonds it creates. So you sucked it up and went with it. If you grew to love your spouse, cool, if not well your doing your duty but otherwise your feelings don’t/didn’t matter.
 
Lord Invictus said:
Arranged marriages depend every much on mindset. Sometimes they did and are loving and loyal. Other times it varies from indifference and contempt to outright hate.

We can see this spectrum of marriages throughout its history. You married the girl because her daddy owned land and thus you’d inherit it, you didn’t marry her because you liked or even knew her. Sometimes you’d make it work. Sometimes you’d have a mistress or two and your wife would either be in the chapel praying every day for deliverance or with her lover(depending on her own moral constitution).

Personally I think I’d hate to be in an arranged marriage. I could probably put on a smile, and do my conjugal duties without too much fuss. But I’d resent my parents for it.

With regards to that-if your going into it, hating your spouse to be and cursing your parents for the match, your probably going to have a hateful marriage. If both parties go into it with an attitude of “make this work” if only to please the parents/further the family then there a lot more stable.
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It also doesin't help that many such practices exist in nations and times where life was considered cheap. We think people are distilled down to their net worth now in America? Boys and girls we are but sweet summer children. (Though if we are not careful we will revert back to those times) In man's history entire tribes went to war over minor land disputes.

I don't think marriage needs to be a political play but it needs to be treated as more than just a business contract.
 
The laws against statutory rape are needed. If older men are going after teenagers, they don't have good intentions. There are already exceptions made for couples who have 2-3 years difference. If the guy isn't in that range, he should keep it in his pants.

Youth shouldn't be permitted to sleep around and/or be handed over to older partners. Both of these things would damage the kid.
 
Fleiur said:
The laws against statutory rape are needed. If older men are going after teenagers, they don't have good intentions. There are already exceptions made for couples who have 2-3 years difference. If the guy isn't in that range, he should keep it in his pants.

Youth shouldn't be permitted to sleep around and/or be handed over to older partners. Both of these things would damage the kid.
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could luck telling that to any couple with an age gap of 4 or greater, which I say is about hmm 75% of all the ones I know at least.
 
Hastur of Carcosa said:
ah fair enough. misunderstood you. In that case I'd be ok with it if we had well defined lines and none of this #Metoo #microaggression crap.
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Exactly. Marriage at the legal age is that line. Sex before marriage isn't something that should be the norm. Marriage exists for a reason. All the promiscuity makes everything confusing.
 
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Fleiur said:
The laws against statutory rape are needed. If older men are going after teenagers, they don't have good intentions. There are already exceptions made for couples who have 2-3 years difference. If the guy isn't in that range, he should keep it in his pants.

Youth shouldn't be permitted to sleep around and/or be handed over to older partners. Both of these things would damage the kid.
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Of course, a line has to be drawn somewhere. Though the issue remains, is the guy who has consensual sex with a teenager just a monster who deserves to decades in prison and then to be removed from decent society, or is he a guy who is doing something he maybe shouldn't and get a slap on the wrist?

I'm not sure if I would go 100% arranged marriages, but I don't know if young people are really very good at selecting partners, especially women. In a culture where parents, and to a lesser degree entire communities, guided the mating choices of young people I think we would have better outcomes. Our modern hyper-promiscuous society makes it even worse.
 
Age of consent laws are important. Otherwise, there will be no end of trouble with sexual exploitation. Of course, there should be Romeo and Juliet laws as sex between teenagers will happen. It's important that social norms be enforced socially, not legally.

I definitely agree that marriage is the only mechanism that can stabilize sexual desire. The free love experiment has failed.
Completely and utterly.
 
ShieldWife said:
Of course, a line has to be drawn somewhere. Though the issue remains, is the guy who has consensual sex with a teenager just a monster who deserves to decades in prison and then to be removed from decent society, or is he a guy who is doing something he maybe shouldn't and get a slap on the wrist?

I'm not sure if I would go 100% arranged marriages, but I don't know if young people are really very good at selecting partners, especially women. In a culture where parents, and to a lesser degree entire communities, guided the mating choices of young people I think we would have better outcomes. Our modern hyper-promiscuous society makes it even worse.
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I would say governing the adjustment and allowance along the margin is, in essence, the very role of a judge.
 
ShieldWife said:
Of course, a line has to be drawn somewhere. Though the issue remains, is the guy who has consensual sex with a teenager just a monster who deserves to decades in prison and then to be removed from decent society, or is he a guy who is doing something he maybe shouldn't and get a slap on the wrist?

I'm not sure if I would go 100% arranged marriages, but I don't know if young people are really very good at selecting partners, especially women. In a culture where parents, and to a lesser degree entire communities, guided the mating choices of young people I think we would have better outcomes. Our modern hyper-promiscuous society makes it even worse.
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If they do that, they should have the consequences. The law is the law. And it's there to prevent exploitation and harm.
 
I definitely agree that marriage is the only mechanism that can stabilize sexual desire. The free love experiment has failed.
Completely and utterly.
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Agreed but at the same time so have blue laws if you want this kind of change to occur, it has to start at home.
 
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