You're forgiven. Thank you for having the integrity to apologize.
I haven't been myself lately.
I hope you feel better soon.
Some of the things said in the thread (taken out of context) were things (among others) that were said to me during my first marriage and divorce.
Context is important. I am aware that when it comes to trauma people can be irrational, even without your other reasoning.
The problem on my end, and I assume a lot of people's ends, is this is basically how the conversation goes every time. On forums, IRL, everywhere.
The response you gave is the knee jerk reaction of basically every feminist. Say no fault divorce is bad, and they whatabout with a fault divorce and try to reframe the whole discussion. It makes it very hard to have an honest conversation.
It really comes across like gaslighting the narrative to the point where I think mentioning
anything bad about divorce is instantly 'supporting wife beaters.' And it's been effective for a long time.
You (and definitely Soli) have likely been trained and socially conditioned to see any sort of negativity towards divorce and instantly assume people want to keep abuse victims in abusive relationships. And to see 'stay together for the kids' as 'continue to be abused where the kids can see it.'
No, if abuse is a problem, absolutely leave and take the kids.
It's how I ended up with my father having custody of me and my sister. My mother was so toxic, so emotionally manipulative and abusive, that even the courts in California had to keep me and her away.
My ex was a horrible person who abused used and controlled me (and my kids) for years.
And you absolutely did the right thing and divorced him and took the kids. I don't think
anyone here disagrees.